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Are You Meant To Be "Grown Up" At 21?

I turn 21 in a few months and, though I'm trying, I don't feel like a fully functioning adult at all :s-smilie:

I had a crap (abusive) childhood, went to uni at 17, and ended up dropping out last year due to severe depression. I've done a bit of work here and there but am still struggling career wise. I still live with my emotionally abusive mother due to not being able to afford moving out.

I feel like I've missed out on so much of my childhood (I had no holidays, wasn't allowed friends as a kid and was forced to study way more than was healthy), and now I'm turning 21 and am going to be an awful adult too.

Advice, please.

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Im already 21 nothing so great in my childhood your not alone dont worry its not too late to join uni you need to follow your dreams never lose hope
Reply 2
Don't lose hope!
I'm 29 and I'd say I'm only just about getting there! :lol:
nah, no need to impose a deadline on yourself
The main issue we young people do is compare our lifes with others for example why does he have more freinds than i?This runs in my head everyday i intend to ingore it lol
nope. idk when you ever get that feeling but from what I hear its not in the early twenties.
Reply 7
A lot of 21 year olds I know can barely cook beans on toast at 21.


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Nah mate you don't have to be grown up at 21. You can be grown up whenever you feel like it. Be childish one day and mature the other...whatever suits you tbf.
& I'm sorry to hear about such an awful life you've had so far but trust me some people have it way worse...patience ends with a great reward. Have hope my friend. :h:
Being "grown up" is so over-rated. As long as you hold decent morals and can hold down a job, who cares how adult you are?
Original post by + polarity -
nah, no need to impose a deadline on yourself


Very true :smile:
Original post by mikeyd85
I'm 29

Original post by Boogaloo_Shrimp
nope. idk when you ever get that feeling but from what I hear its not in the early twenties.


Thanks :smile: Yeah everyone says you're supposed to "act like an adult" at 18 or 20/21 but I still don't feel like it yet! When do you hear people finally "grow up"? Lol
You don't HAVE to be grown up at 21 no.

I had no choice really, I got married and had a baby at 21. But my soul is still young, even if my responsibilities increased.
Reply 14
Growing up is optional.

Buy a sports car or a motorbike and have a giggle.
Original post by Anonymous
I turn 21 in a few months and, though I'm trying, I don't feel like a fully functioning adult at all :s-smilie:

I had a crap (abusive) childhood, went to uni at 17, and ended up dropping out last year due to severe depression. I've done a bit of work here and there but am still struggling career wise. I still live with my emotionally abusive mother due to not being able to afford moving out.

I feel like I've missed out on so much of my childhood (I had no holidays, wasn't allowed friends as a kid and was forced to study way more than was healthy), and now I'm turning 21 and am going to be an awful adult too.

Advice, please.


I'll let you in on something... most people feel like that, particularly in their twenties. I'm 24 and I definitely feel like that! I have friends in their late 20s/early 30s who feel that way.

Life is also complicated... some of us take longer to get to certain milestones because we come from different backgrounds. I had a difficult childhood and it's only been in the past couple of years that I've really started living my life properly. I'm now doing an Access to HE course, meaning I'll be finally going to university in 2015 (I'll be 25). To get to this point, I've been through anxiety, depression... medication, therapy... years of being disappointed with myself because I wasn't fulfilling my potential. But gosh, has it given me experience. I know that I can do anything, because I got through the past however many years.

Have faith in yourself, don't feel like you have to be a grown up (seriously, growing up sounds boring) and start putting yourself first. Have you got help for your depression? And have you thought about going back to uni?
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
You don't HAVE to be grown up at 21 no.

I had no choice really, I got married and had a baby at 21. But my soul is still young, even if my responsibilities increased.


Good point :smile: Thank you

Why did you choose to get married/have a baby at 21, if you don't mind me asking? This is kind of what scares me... I have peers around my age getting married (especially the religious ones) or engaged and doing stuff like go half-way around the world to travel and work. I can't afford that and feel like I've missed out on so much "young adult stuff" as well.

JC.
Growing up is optional.

Buy a sports car or a motorbike and have a giggle

Tru dat :tongue: I can't drive yet, but am planning to learn once I can afford it - will get a nice car once I can, though!

I'm kind of worried that everyone else around me is growing up too fast, though - and that, if I get "left behind" or act too much like a kid, I'll just be seen as someone with Peter Pan syndrome.

carlaraptor
I'll let you in on something... most people feel like that, particularly in their twenties. I'm 24 and I definitely feel like that! I have friends in their late 20s/early 30s who feel that way.

Life is also complicated... some of us take longer to get to certain milestones because we come from different backgrounds. I had a difficult childhood and it's only been in the past couple of years that I've really started living my life properly. I'm now doing an Access to HE course, meaning I'll be finally going to university in 2015 (I'll be 25). To get to this point, I've been through anxiety, depression... medication, therapy... years of being disappointed with myself because I wasn't fulfilling my potential. But gosh, has it given me experience. I know that I can do anything, because I got through the past however many years.

Have faith in yourself, don't feel like you have to be a grown up (seriously, growing up sounds boring) and start putting yourself first. Have you got help for your depression? And have you thought about going back to uni?

Amazing advice, thank you :smile: I'm glad to hear that you're going to uni soon, best of luck with your applications! I am planning to reapply myself - doing some more A-levels for the next two years and then hopefully I will start again at 22. I am worried about fitting in being "older," though.

That's exactly how I feel too, like I'm missing out on my potential. I do try hard, but what with the whole emotionally abusive family situation at home it isn't great :s-smilie:

I am thinking of speaking to my GP about my depression, though I went to them a couple of times when I was at uni and unfortunately found them quite unhelpful. I might see if there are any other resources available to me too, but I'm really not sure what's out there. Lots of people say depression never really goes away for life, too, which terrifies me.
Original post by mikeyd85
I'm 29 and I'd say I'm only just about getting there! :lol:


Yeah, the attitude nowadays seems to be that you grow up properly in your 30s... but most 21 year olds seem to have done a lot more than me :s-smilie: Especially travelling wise and so on
Original post by Anonymous


Why did you choose to get married/have a baby at 21, if you don't mind me asking? This is kind of what scares me... I have peers around my age getting married (especially the religious ones) or engaged and doing stuff like go half-way around the world to travel and work. I can't afford that and feel like I've missed out on so much "young adult stuff" as well.


I got engaged at 17 because I met the right person for me. No other reason really, it's not as though I ever planned to marry young because I was desperate for a wedding or anything, it's just.. well if you meet the right person, and you know that you're going to spend your life with them, then there's no point in NOT getting engaged lol.

We got engaged, and figured that after I finished uni we'd have chance to save up and get married...

but I fell pregnant at just turned 21. It wasn't planned.

So we kinda shifted the wedding back by a few years so we could be married before the baby came along. We wanted to be chronologically traditional lol.
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
I got engaged at 17 because I met the right person for me. No other reason really, it's not as though I ever planned to marry young because I was desperate for a wedding or anything, it's just.. well if you meet the right person, and you know that you're going to spend your life with them, then there's no point in NOT getting engaged lol.

We got engaged, and figured that after I finished uni we'd have chance to save up and get married...

but I fell pregnant at just turned 21. It wasn't planned.

So we kinda shifted the wedding back by a few years so we could be married before the baby came along. We wanted to be chronologically traditional lol.


Oh, yeah, I see. It must be nice having found the right person so young and having had your wedding etc. already :smile: I've never even been on a date lol

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