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Boyfriend masturbates in toilet rather than have sex

I think my bf is masturbating in the toilet rather than having sex :confused: We only have sex like 2x a week and have been seeing each other for 6 months. I've tried talking to him about it but nothing ever comes of it. I dress up for him, try new things etc. but I don't know if he is just lazy as he's quite lazy in bed sometimes. Months ago he avoided sex for over a week and then blamed it on performance anxiety as he didn't make me orgasm much, so maybe he's bored of me being hard to please (I'm not, just tried to explain women rarely orgasm off penetration alone). The only good sex we seem to have is make up sex.

Should I be bothered by this? Don't know if I should mention it again or not. I'd be fine with it if he was having sex with me but why masturbate when you have a girl ready and willing most of the time?

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You definitely need to be talking about this. If you can't talk to your partner about any problems you're having with the relationship, what hope does it have in the long term.

You are bothered by it. There is no should or shouldn't - you feel what you feel and thats not right or wrong, but if you want things to change, you need to talk to your boyfriend about whats bothering you and listen to what bothers him and try to come to a solution or compromise.
Not being able to sexually pleasure your partner is an extreme worry for a man. It's humiliating going through sex thinking that you're not big enough, hard enough, and not lasting long enough.
Guys just love a **** every now and then.
Reply 4
Original post by Huskaris
Guys just love a **** every now and then.


It's every day/other day and sex is just an afterthought when we go to bed at night and lasts 10 mins max. No spontaneity from him. He is very confident about his penis size. The only thing would be not lasting long enough but you're not going to if you keep thrusting like a duracell bunny.

He's just done it upstairs, means no sex for several days again or just a quick one in bed maybe tomorrow. I'm fed up.
Original post by Anonymous
It's every day/other day and sex is just an afterthought when we go to bed at night and lasts 10 mins max. No spontaneity from him. He is very confident about his penis size. The only thing would be not lasting long enough but you're not going to if you keep thrusting like a duracell bunny.

He's just done it upstairs, means no sex for several days again or just a quick one in bed maybe tomorrow. I'm fed up.


Oh right.

Didn't realise you wanted it a lot more. There's probably a reason in that case. If you can't make a girl orgasm, it makes sex a lot less pleasurable for a guy as well as the girl
Reply 6
Original post by Huskaris
Oh right.

Didn't realise you wanted it a lot more. There's probably a reason in that case. If you can't make a girl orgasm, it makes sex a lot less pleasurable for a guy as well as the girl


He won't listen to my suggestions or try anything new, though :/ Don't want to talk about it because it'll lead to a row no doubt which puts more pressure on it :/ Maybe we'll just never be compatible and should give up now.
Original post by Anonymous
He won't listen to my suggestions or try anything new, though :/ Don't want to talk about it because it'll lead to a row no doubt which puts more pressure on it :/ Maybe we'll just never be compatible and should give up now.


Yeah, its a toughy... Maybe you should both try a bit more, you included. Do you ever really try and initiate it? Make him feel wanted etc?
Reply 8
Maybe he doesn't like giving you oral or you have a hairy vag that he finds off putting. Are you overweight?

On the other hand you could be intimidatingly attractive to him.
Reply 9
I'm not sure about the porn. Maybe on his phone? Used to on his laptop but I'm at home a lot now so he doesn''t really have the opp.

Original post by Huskaris
Yeah, its a toughy... Maybe you should both try a bit more, you included. Do you ever really try and initiate it? Make him feel wanted etc?


I greeted him from work the other night in suspenders and stockings, heels and a corset top after sexting him all afternoon. Would that kind of thing count? I do intend to initiate more but he'll go to bed and be like "tiredness just hit me" or when we're on the sofa he'll moan about a headache or just give off signs that don't make me want to approach. I told him this before and he said I should just initiate anyway but someone telling you they have the migraine from hell doesn't enthuse you.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm not sure about the porn. Maybe on his phone? Used to on his laptop but I'm at home a lot now so he doesn''t really have the opp.



I greeted him from work the other night in suspenders and stockings, heels and a corset top after sexting him all afternoon. Would that kind of thing count? I do intend to initiate more but he'll go to bed and be like "tiredness just hit me" or when we're on the sofa he'll moan about a headache or just give off signs that don't make me want to approach. I told him this before and he said I should just initiate anyway but someone telling you they have the migraine from hell doesn't enthuse you.


Jesus christ, you deserve a stallion of a man, that is very very good effort!

On a real note though, welcome to the problems a lot of men face... Lol!
Original post by nohomo
Maybe he doesn't like giving you oral or you have a hairy vag that he finds off putting. Are you overweight?

On the other hand you could be intimidatingly attractive to him.


I don't demand oral :tongue: and it's all tidy down there. I'm a size 6-8.

I don't know if it's the latter, sometimes I feel like he's not attracted to me even though I get attention from guys.
Original post by Huskaris
Jesus christ, you deserve a stallion of a man, that is very very good effort!

On a real note though, welcome to the problems a lot of men face... Lol!


Hahaha :tongue:

It just bugs me because he used to sext other women so maybe he's so used to doing that, living off the fantasy and change, rather than a porn issue? I've not had a lot of experience so I feel like this is holding me back from having fun, as selfish as it sounds.
Original post by Anonymous
He won't listen to my suggestions or try anything new, though :/ Don't want to talk about it because it'll lead to a row no doubt which puts more pressure on it :/ Maybe we'll just never be compatible and should give up now.


I think sometimes, a row is needed to get how you really feel out and clear the air.

I know pushing for a row isn't really great advice but... sometimes it seems to be the only way to open proper communication with someone.
Original post by Hydroxy
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Just because some guys find you attractive doesn't mean others will find you as attractive.


Duh. I just used that to say it's not like I'm ignored. He must've found me attractive to pursue me.
Original post by Kabloomybuzz
I think sometimes, a row is needed to get how you really feel out and clear the air.

I know pushing for a row isn't really great advice but... sometimes it seems to be the only way to open proper communication with someone.


Yeah, I get what you mean. Problem is it just never gets cleared as it doesn't end on a conclusion or anything. Then I just feel like I'm wasting my time even more.
Original post by Hydroxy
Alright, so you're not ignored - what relevance did that have to anything you were saying ?

He might have found you attractive to begin with and now doesn't. Regardless, other people finding you attractive is irrevelant to anything. You're on about your boyfriend and he is not other people.


Because someone mentioned attractiveness and I used it as part of a reply :rolleyes:
Original post by Anonymous
It's every day/other day and sex is just an afterthought when we go to bed at night and lasts 10 mins max. No spontaneity from him. He is very confident about his penis size. The only thing would be not lasting long enough but you're not going to if you keep thrusting like a duracell bunny.

He's just done it upstairs, means no sex for several days again or just a quick one in bed maybe tomorrow. I'm fed up.

bahahah p to the duracell bunny part..amazin stuff!

I could imagine something like this happening to me actually..
problem is many people use masturbation as way to relax..after an irritable day or god knows..

hence he associates sex with relaxation not pressure to perform or to last..or to deal with you..whereas masterbation is all him.

he feels he can get away with it..but I think you need to change his mentality on the issue..long term..gradually..maybe up the romance..show sex shouldnt be a relaxation tool for himself..but a way to connect with each other to relax TOGETHER. it isnt called making love for no reason..

in couples sex has to be treated differently than a fwb or singleton..so try change his mentality on that..thats the only thing that will cure this issue not put it off for another few days.
(edited 9 years ago)
Maybe he just finds the toilet a more attractive proposition to finish in than your hoohoo. I mean sure, the toilet doesn't nag or demand love and affection or whine about not having an orgasm or anonymously take to the internet to ask a bunch of naive students for advice on its sex life, but aside from that what's not to love?
Oh god what is this. Go see a therapist or something what do you want from TSR

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