The Student Room Group

Lying to my boyfriend.. Using him for money

Hello.

I feel very guilty and confused. I have a boyfriend who I met at University through a long and complicated story which involved my friend. He comes from a wealthy(ish) family but is very ugly. He is quite quiet and is only comfortable around me and my friend. We have the same interests and get along great.

I am quite good looking. Far above my boyfriend and I feel that my boyfriend compensates by being especially nice and generous to me. We eat out at some quite expensive places and he always pays despite me offering to pay for my meal. He takes me to loads of places in his car and pays for my travel costs.

He is spoiling me a bit. I think this is because he knows I could do much better than him. This is terrible really. The fact that I'm using my appearance to usurp money from him. I don't purposely do it. He insists. His parents are happy that he's found a girlfriend. I've met them and they absolutely love me.

I have a job which pays reasonably well. Now he is thinking about taking me on holiday with him. He is paying...

How should I feel? I feel like he is spoiling me. The feeling to be with him is getting stronger because I'd be quite poor without him. I feel like it is his money, rather than himself, that is why we are together.
(edited 9 years ago)

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Reply 1
Advice??? Or is this normal
Reply 2
If you aren't going out with him just for his money and would go out with him if he would be poor, it's ok
Original post by Miss Posh
Advice??? Or is this normal


He deserves better, feel sorry for him poor sod
Reply 4
What are your thoughts on the concept of hypergamy, OP? It sounds like you are an alpha female taking advantage of a beta provider you will put in the friend zone around the time his cash river dries up (since this is his main form of sexual market value to you, I guess; you already suggest his aesthetics are sub-par).
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 5
Original post by Riku
What are your thoughts on the concept of hypergamy, OP?


Nothing wrong with it. Social classes should be dissolved in these increasingly liberal times.
Reply 6
Original post by futbol
Got to be a troll. If it wasn't surely you'd do it anonymously?


This forum is anonymous?
Reply 7
Original post by Miss Posh
Nothing wrong with it. Social classes should be dissolved in these increasingly liberal times.


ooft spoken like a true RPW. But the fact that you say they should be dissolved and then take advantage of his wealth and class would…just confirm that fact.
According to the teachings of TSR you are in the most normal, healthy relationship ever. As long as he keeps paying up you keep putting out.

God speed, comrade.
Reply 9
If you think he is ugly, why are you with him? I know relationships are completely based on looks and you may have common interests and get along but if there is no physical attraction, why are you together? If you feel that you are using him for his money, which I feel you probably do otherwise you wouldn't have made this post, you need to stop and end the relationship because it isn't you who could do better, it's him because he deserve someone who is with him because they want to be, not because he can spend money on them.

Troll or not.
Reply 10
Original post by chrlsmth
If you think he is ugly, why are you with him? I know relationships are completely based on looks and you may have common interests and get along but if there is no physical attraction, why are you together? If you feel that you are using him for his money, which I feel you probably do otherwise you wouldn't have made this post, you need to stop and end the relationship because it isn't you who could do better, it's him because he deserve someone who is with him because they want to be, not because he can spend money on them.

Troll or not.


actually it's OP because she has a beta boyfriend who refuses to up his game and increase his aesthetics by hitting the gym, some fashion tips may be in order. She's within her rights to take advantage of a pushover. I doubt he even knows the game, which suggests he needs a testosterone boost to get his head screwed on before entering the sexual market again.
Original post by Miss Posh
Hello.

I feel very guilty and confused. I have a boyfriend who I met at University through a long and complicated story which involved my friend. He comes from a wealthy(ish) family but is very ugly. He is quite quiet and is only comfortable around me and my friend. We have the same interests and get along great.

I am quite good looking. Far above my boyfriend and I feel that my boyfriend compensates by being especially nice and generous to me. We eat out at some quite expensive places and he always pays despite me offering to pay for my meal. He takes me to loads of places in his car and pays for my travel costs.

He is spoiling me a bit. I think this is because he knows I could do much better than him. This is terrible really. The fact that I'm using my appearance to usurp money from him. I don't purposely do it. He insists. His parents are happy that he's found a girlfriend. I've met them and they absolutely love me.

I have a job which pays reasonably well. Now he is thinking about taking me on holiday with him. He is paying...

How should I feel? I feel like he is spoiling me. The feeling to be with him is getting stronger because I'd be quite poor without him. I feel like it is his money, rather than himself, that is why we are together.


Hello !

The only way for me to answer your thread appropriately is to put myself in your boyfriends situation.

So if you were to tell me this, and I were your boyfriend, I would most definitely be upset if you are using me for money.

I understand that you say you want to pay for your own things, but if you aren't using him, there is nothing that will stop you from paying for yourself at the end of the day.

Ask yourself this, do you actually love the guy ?
Original post by Riku
actually it's OP because she has a beta boyfriend who refuses to up his game and increase his aesthetics by hitting the gym, some fashion tips may be in order. She's within her rights to take advantage of a pushover. I doubt he even knows the game, which suggests he needs a testosterone boost to get his head screwed on before entering the sexual market again.


Beta - check
game - check
aesthetics - check
testosterone - check
sexual market - CHECK FULL HOUSE!!!

Strong post.
Reply 13
Original post by iAre Teh Lejend
Hello !

The only way for me to answer your thread appropriately is to put myself in your boyfriends situation.

So if you were to tell me this, and I were your boyfriend, I would most definitely be upset if you are using me for money.

I understand that you say you want to pay for your own things, but if you aren't using him, there is nothing that will stop you from paying for yourself at the end of the day.

Ask yourself this, do you actually love the guy ?


Look the fact of the matter is he needs to realise that as a male he is disposable and in the absence of looks, social status, talent or charisma to attract, he is going to have to provide money. I didn't invent the rules
Original post by Riku
not sure if srs


Really. You aren't sure if I'm serious.
Reply 15
Original post by Viva Emptiness
Really. You aren't sure if I'm serious.


No… :s-smilie: unusual for you to adopt the Misc style but otherwise it's ambiguous
if any girl is actually in this situtaion, i'd advise you to get him to spend as much as he can on you then dump him like the mug he is. teach him a lesson, its good in the long run.
Original post by Miss Posh
Hello.

I feel very guilty and confused. I have a boyfriend who I met at University through a long and complicated story which involved my friend. He comes from a wealthy(ish) family but is very ugly. He is quite quiet and is only comfortable around me and my friend. We have the same interests and get along great.

I am quite good looking. Far above my boyfriend and I feel that my boyfriend compensates by being especially nice and generous to me. We eat out at some quite expensive places and he always pays despite me offering to pay for my meal. He takes me to loads of places in his car and pays for my travel costs.

He is spoiling me a bit. I think this is because he knows I could do much better than him. This is terrible really. The fact that I'm using my appearance to usurp money from him. I don't purposely do it. He insists. His parents are happy that he's found a girlfriend. I've met them and they absolutely love me.

I have a job which pays reasonably well. Now he is thinking about taking me on holiday with him. He is paying...

How should I feel? I feel like he is spoiling me. The feeling to be with him is getting stronger because I'd be quite poor without him. I feel like it is his money, rather than himself, that is why we are together.


Whilst this thread is clearly designed to bait all the insecure guys here, let's assume this is all real



Your boyfriend is a schmuck and he is the architect of this situation. He needs to learn the lesson that you can't buy another person's love or even their friendship or respect. People must develop some level of self-awareness, in the same way that when you are five years old, you realise that almost all of the kids who say they are going to be pop-stars are idiots.


(your boyfriend being the 5 year old who thinks he will be the pop-star)
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 18
Original post by BullViagra
if any girl is actually in this situtaion, i'd advise you to get him to spend as much as he can on you then dump him like the mug he is. teach him a lesson, its good in the long run.


But genuinely this, the pain will make him stronger and then he will learn that he needs to improve other aspects of his personality, his looks, his ability to lead and dominate, his social status, etc. The fact is he is probably going to get used for one thing or another, genuine unconditional love is a rare thing to come by and one may argue doesn't exist. Think of relationships as a series of transactions, even tests
Reply 19
Original post by yo radical one
Whilst this thread is clearly designed to bait all the insecure guys here, let's assume this is all real



Your boyfriend is a schmuck and he is the architect of this situation. He needs to learn the lesson that you can't buy another person's love or even their friendship or respect. People must develop some level of self-awareness, in the same way that when you are five years old, you realise that almost all of the kids who say they are going to be pop-stars are idiots.


(your boyfriend being the 5 year old who thinks he will be the pop-star)


The problem isn't his money though, that's a plus. The problem is his looks, and his need to improve the looks, as well as all of the above areas, and realise that just having one aspect isn't enough-especially when OP can afford to trade partners up (I posted a thread about this on Society but it was removed recently).

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