Feeling depressed, miserable and homesick at uni
The accommodation I live in is fine. It's just I'm so lonely and depressed. To be honest, I think I've chosen the wrong course, none of it interests me and I hate attending lectures for things I have very little interest in but I go anyway.
I am so homesick, I cry pretty much all day and cry myself to sleep. I hate being in this new city all on my own, when all I really want to do is go home. It's making me so miserable. I've lost my appetite and I barely go out. Whenever my parents call, I have to hesitate so they can't hear me crying and then I just start sobbing after I've ended the call. I don't feel like I can do this all year, never mind 3 years.
On freshers week, my aunt died so I had to go home for the funeral and everybody was grieving so I missed out on that entirely. Any advice would be really good right now. I haven't told ANYBODY I feel like this, especially not my parents or they'll worry, my mum really wants me back home as well.
I am so homesick, I cry pretty much all day and cry myself to sleep. I hate being in this new city all on my own, when all I really want to do is go home. It's making me so miserable. I've lost my appetite and I barely go out. Whenever my parents call, I have to hesitate so they can't hear me crying and then I just start sobbing after I've ended the call. I don't feel like I can do this all year, never mind 3 years.
On freshers week, my aunt died so I had to go home for the funeral and everybody was grieving so I missed out on that entirely. Any advice would be really good right now. I haven't told ANYBODY I feel like this, especially not my parents or they'll worry, my mum really wants me back home as well.
Original post by Magenta96
I should've just taken a gap year so I could find out what I really wanted to do, but I rushed to get into uni as they have high expectations of me, so I didn't want to let them down even though they TOLD me it's okay to take a gap year. 
I can't help you as I haven't started university but I fear I'll feel the same as you come next year. If its really getting you down maybe it's worth packing it in sooner rather than later. Maybe take a gap year and find out what you really want to do.
Though I'm not any good at advice.
I think going to your supervisor or student union is a good point of call.
There must be a tiny hint as to why you wanted to do it at uni seeing as you have a PS about why you want to do the course (unless you went through clearing - not sure whether you need a PS for that)
A year in, I'm still doubting my choice.
I think going to your supervisor or student union is a good point of call.
There must be a tiny hint as to why you wanted to do it at uni seeing as you have a PS about why you want to do the course (unless you went through clearing - not sure whether you need a PS for that)
A year in, I'm still doubting my choice.
Original post by plasmaman
I can't help you as I haven't started university but I fear I'll feel the same as you come next year. If its really getting you down maybe it's worth packing it in sooner rather than later. Maybe take a gap year and find out what you really want to do.
I just get all the depressed feelings at night for some reason, so I'm not sure if I'm just being dramatic or if my concerns are actually real. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting so I think I'll see the guidance person at university tomorrow and see what they think too. I'm sure you won't feel like me, I'm probably in the minority.
Original post by Magenta96
The accommodation I live in is fine. It's just I'm so lonely and depressed. To be honest, I think I've chosen the wrong course, none of it interests me and I hate attending lectures for things I have very little interest in but I go anyway.
I am so homesick, I cry pretty much all day and cry myself to sleep. I hate being in this new city all on my own, when all I really want to do is go home. It's making me so miserable. I've lost my appetite and I barely go out. Whenever my parents call, I have to hesitate so they can't hear me crying and then I just start sobbing after I've ended the call. I don't feel like I can do this all year, never mind 3 years.
On freshers week, my aunt died so I had to go home for the funeral and everybody was grieving so I missed out on that entirely. Any advice would be really good right now. I haven't told ANYBODY I feel like this, especially not my parents or they'll worry, my mum really wants me back home as well.
I am so homesick, I cry pretty much all day and cry myself to sleep. I hate being in this new city all on my own, when all I really want to do is go home. It's making me so miserable. I've lost my appetite and I barely go out. Whenever my parents call, I have to hesitate so they can't hear me crying and then I just start sobbing after I've ended the call. I don't feel like I can do this all year, never mind 3 years.
On freshers week, my aunt died so I had to go home for the funeral and everybody was grieving so I missed out on that entirely. Any advice would be really good right now. I haven't told ANYBODY I feel like this, especially not my parents or they'll worry, my mum really wants me back home as well.
Seem like two pretty significant reasons to feel like utter ****. The best I can say is it's just started, you're a freshie, you need to get used to it. Life has many worse challenges for you, this is that hard scary part about growing up. If you want to drop out just because you feel friendless or alone or confused, then you pretty much failed the starting point of a potentially fulfilling life
Push through it, I've been through the whole new girl in a new world **** countless times, it never gets old. This is that ripping the plaster off the wound stage, it's gonna suck but it'll get betters. 
(And that's the end of me being nice 
)
)Original post by senz72
Though I'm not any good at advice.
I think going to your supervisor or student union is a good point of call.
There must be a tiny hint as to why you wanted to do it at uni seeing as you have a PS about why you want to do the course (unless you went through clearing - not sure whether you need a PS for that)
A year in, I'm still doubting my choice.
I think going to your supervisor or student union is a good point of call.
There must be a tiny hint as to why you wanted to do it at uni seeing as you have a PS about why you want to do the course (unless you went through clearing - not sure whether you need a PS for that)
A year in, I'm still doubting my choice.
To be honest, I don't think I've ever seriously been interested in my course (Biology), nor did I have much of a passion for it when I chose it as an A level, along with Chemistry and Maths. I chose all of those because they were seen as 'respected' and looked highly upon by universities. I practically forced myself to study them vigorously every night, until I got high grades, even though again, I was a miserable doing them. I just knew what to say in the personal statement, I don't think I meant it. I realise this now.
"If it makes you happy, do it. If it doesn't, don't do it"
I believe that you should never force yourself into things that don't bring you happiness. Clique and embarrassing that may be but actually look at it for a moment. Why do something that makes you unhappy? That slowly drives you into a dark, empty tunnel which can lead to worse things like depression, anxiety and many others. You deserve to be happy. The problem with the world nowadays is people are pushed into things by others, people follow the crowd. 'Go to uni, get a degree, get a job, have a family.' Sometimes it's just good to take a step back and actually question what makes you happy.
I'm not saying immediately drop out your course, just have a think about it. Give it some time. If you still hate it, drop out, take a breather and do things that make you happy. Too many people just follow the crowd and do things that make them unhappy to please others. They don't actually think about exploring the world out there. There are 196 countries and over a million experiences to be savoured by people. If taking a gap year will make you happier, do it (I warn, you must save up for a good few months)
Don't be 'basic' and follow the crowd. Do things that make you happy.
I believe that you should never force yourself into things that don't bring you happiness. Clique and embarrassing that may be but actually look at it for a moment. Why do something that makes you unhappy? That slowly drives you into a dark, empty tunnel which can lead to worse things like depression, anxiety and many others. You deserve to be happy. The problem with the world nowadays is people are pushed into things by others, people follow the crowd. 'Go to uni, get a degree, get a job, have a family.' Sometimes it's just good to take a step back and actually question what makes you happy.
I'm not saying immediately drop out your course, just have a think about it. Give it some time. If you still hate it, drop out, take a breather and do things that make you happy. Too many people just follow the crowd and do things that make them unhappy to please others. They don't actually think about exploring the world out there. There are 196 countries and over a million experiences to be savoured by people. If taking a gap year will make you happier, do it (I warn, you must save up for a good few months)
Don't be 'basic' and follow the crowd. Do things that make you happy.
Hello there!
First, I am really sad for you and your family, it is hard to say goodbye to someone you love but that is how life is.Probably you feel more miserable because of that but you only need time to recover and then you will be able to remember with a smile such special person.
To be honest, if you feel that you are not in the right course you should change quickly, it is good that you realize it now rather than in the middle of the end. If your feelings are not quite positive about it find something that you like to do, I am sure you can do tasters to find out, speak with the advice centre or students to get an idea.
I will suggest you to keep yourself busy with group activities so you can meet people and distract yourself. As i said is not easy to say goodbye it is better if you take everything out and cry as much as you need but there will be a limit. You know there is situations when you choose to be brave and become stronger, that it is part of uni life and after, as you get older you face challenges all by yourself. If you go back home you will regret leaving uni behind, and once there what are you going to do crying the whole day? You are alive and at least you met such a nice person, I have never have that chance.
Take care
First, I am really sad for you and your family, it is hard to say goodbye to someone you love but that is how life is.Probably you feel more miserable because of that but you only need time to recover and then you will be able to remember with a smile such special person.
To be honest, if you feel that you are not in the right course you should change quickly, it is good that you realize it now rather than in the middle of the end. If your feelings are not quite positive about it find something that you like to do, I am sure you can do tasters to find out, speak with the advice centre or students to get an idea.
I will suggest you to keep yourself busy with group activities so you can meet people and distract yourself. As i said is not easy to say goodbye it is better if you take everything out and cry as much as you need but there will be a limit. You know there is situations when you choose to be brave and become stronger, that it is part of uni life and after, as you get older you face challenges all by yourself. If you go back home you will regret leaving uni behind, and once there what are you going to do crying the whole day? You are alive and at least you met such a nice person, I have never have that chance.
Take care
Go and see a counsellor at your uni. My mum is a university counsellor, and she tells me that a lot more people than you'd think feel the way you do. It's tough starting uni - some can cope, some can't. Tell some at your uni and they'll give you advice about what to do. Join some clubs maybe, get involved in activities and keep yourself busy until you forget about feeling rubbish. If it really, really doesn't get any better then possibly drop out and take a gap year. Consider if uni is really the right choice for you and if you'd be better off doing something else (like getting a job).
Hope it works out okay
Hope it works out okay
Thank you everybody. Ironically, as I was sat crying in my room, I got a phone call from my dad telling me to open the door as my family decided to show up for a surprise visit. I told them all how I felt, and they made me feel soooo much better and I think perhaps I was just in a really miserable mood at the time and was overreacting, but I can look at the situation more positively now.
Now that I think about it, there's a lot more I can do to make myself feel better... like instead of being in my room moping all the time, I could go to the kitchen and socialise with my flatmates who are SO friendly. I haven't even joined any societies yet so that's another thing for me to consider. I can't really judge the course yet to be honest... I've only had 2 lectures so far. I think I just have far too much free time on my hands at the moment, so I just think about all the negative things!
Now that I think about it, there's a lot more I can do to make myself feel better... like instead of being in my room moping all the time, I could go to the kitchen and socialise with my flatmates who are SO friendly. I haven't even joined any societies yet so that's another thing for me to consider. I can't really judge the course yet to be honest... I've only had 2 lectures so far. I think I just have far too much free time on my hands at the moment, so I just think about all the negative things!
Original post by Magenta96
I just get all the depressed feelings at night for some reason, so I'm not sure if I'm just being dramatic or if my concerns are actually real. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting so I think I'll see the guidance person at university tomorrow and see what they think too. I'm sure you won't feel like me, I'm probably in the minority.
Virtually everyone feels homesick the first time they're away from home. It does pass, I promise.
The reason you get depressing feelings at night, is because its just you and your thoughts which are focusing on home (the bed feels different, you're aware of all the differences in your room and you're ultra aware you family is not near by). During the day you're typically going to be distracted by the happenings of the day. My advice (and I fully admit it may not be great advice) fake it till you make it. Do things, go to socials, go out with mates, do work, do hobbies, join societies. Don't let yourself get in that cycle of homesickness and depression, eventually you'll be used to being away from home.
I had a situation similar in that I broke up with my GF at the end of second year (we'd basically been living together for the two years), during the day I was fine. At night I cried myself to sleep more than once, you just have to not let you brain go down that route.
I'd also recommend seeing a councillor, they're trained for this and its not just you feeling like this I guarantee it.
Original post by Gwilym101
Virtually everyone feels homesick the first time they're away from home. It does pass, I promise.
The reason you get depressing feelings at night, is because its just you and your thoughts which are focusing on home (the bed feels different, you're aware of all the differences in your room and you're ultra aware you family is not near by). During the day you're typically going to be distracted by the happenings of the day. My advice (and I fully admit it may not be great advice) fake it till you make it. Do things, go to socials, go out with mates, do work, do hobbies, join societies. Don't let yourself get in that cycle of homesickness and depression, eventually you'll be used to being away from home.
I had a situation similar in that I broke up with my GF at the end of second year (we'd basically been living together for the two years), during the day I was fine. At night I cried myself to sleep more than once, you just have to not let you brain go down that route.
I'd also recommend seeing a councillor, they're trained for this and its not just you feeling like this I guarantee it.
The reason you get depressing feelings at night, is because its just you and your thoughts which are focusing on home (the bed feels different, you're aware of all the differences in your room and you're ultra aware you family is not near by). During the day you're typically going to be distracted by the happenings of the day. My advice (and I fully admit it may not be great advice) fake it till you make it. Do things, go to socials, go out with mates, do work, do hobbies, join societies. Don't let yourself get in that cycle of homesickness and depression, eventually you'll be used to being away from home.
I had a situation similar in that I broke up with my GF at the end of second year (we'd basically been living together for the two years), during the day I was fine. At night I cried myself to sleep more than once, you just have to not let you brain go down that route.
I'd also recommend seeing a councillor, they're trained for this and its not just you feeling like this I guarantee it.
Thank you, I feel a lot better now. I'm going to sign up for two interesting looking societies right away, and intend on spending a lot more time with the others in the flat, they seem like they'd make amazing friends, but for the past few days I've just been so down that I just stayed in my room as I didn't want to project my negativity onto anybody else, but I won't do that anymore either.
Original post by Magenta96
The accommodation I live in is fine. It's just I'm so lonely and depressed. To be honest, I think I've chosen the wrong course, none of it interests me and I hate attending lectures for things I have very little interest in but I go anyway.
I am so homesick, I cry pretty much all day and cry myself to sleep. I hate being in this new city all on my own, when all I really want to do is go home. It's making me so miserable. I've lost my appetite and I barely go out. Whenever my parents call, I have to hesitate so they can't hear me crying and then I just start sobbing after I've ended the call. I don't feel like I can do this all year, never mind 3 years.
On freshers week, my aunt died so I had to go home for the funeral and everybody was grieving so I missed out on that entirely. Any advice would be really good right now. I haven't told ANYBODY I feel like this, especially not my parents or they'll worry, my mum really wants me back home as well.
I am so homesick, I cry pretty much all day and cry myself to sleep. I hate being in this new city all on my own, when all I really want to do is go home. It's making me so miserable. I've lost my appetite and I barely go out. Whenever my parents call, I have to hesitate so they can't hear me crying and then I just start sobbing after I've ended the call. I don't feel like I can do this all year, never mind 3 years.
On freshers week, my aunt died so I had to go home for the funeral and everybody was grieving so I missed out on that entirely. Any advice would be really good right now. I haven't told ANYBODY I feel like this, especially not my parents or they'll worry, my mum really wants me back home as well.
I'm in a similar position to you I think. I chose my subject (geology) because I was good at science (enjoyed it at school) and it had loads of good career prospects; but i wasn't passionate about it. I thought that my decent grades in sciences could pull me through but now I'm starting to regret not taking a year out and thinking about it. The problem is I'm not passionate about anything, I've got no specific interests yet getting a degree seems to be the only way of securing a successful career. My flatmates are dead friendly but I'm missing my mates back home a lot, and don't feel like I've got enough in common to become close to any of them.
Hope you get it all figured out cause this uncertainty is a horrible feeling!
Original post by Fender7535
I'm in a similar position to you I think. I chose my subject (geology) because I was good at science (enjoyed it at school) and it had loads of good career prospects; but i wasn't passionate about it. I thought that my decent grades in sciences could pull me through but now I'm starting to regret not taking a year out and thinking about it. The problem is I'm not passionate about anything, I've got no specific interests yet getting a degree seems to be the only way of securing a successful career. My flatmates are dead friendly but I'm missing my mates back home a lot, and don't feel like I've got enough in common to become close to any of them.
Hope you get it all figured out cause this uncertainty is a horrible feeling!
Hope you get it all figured out cause this uncertainty is a horrible feeling!
Yes you are in a similar position to me I think lol. Just like you, I have no specific interests or passion, so I went for a subject with good career prospects. I feel a lot less lonely today to be honest, instead of coming home from uni and staying in my room, I just had a wander round, sat in the student cafe/library for a while so I didn't really feel alone. I just casually went up and introduced myself to a few people on my course too which was great. Now I'm just sat having a chat with my flatmates, again something I never bothered to do. It helps take your mind off home, even if it's just temporarily.
Original post by Magenta96
To be honest, I don't think I've ever seriously been interested in my course (Biology), nor did I have much of a passion for it when I chose it as an A level, along with Chemistry and Maths. I chose all of those because they were seen as 'respected' and looked highly upon by universities. I practically forced myself to study them vigorously every night, until I got high grades, even though again, I was a miserable doing them. I just knew what to say in the personal statement, I don't think I meant it. I realise this now.
Wow, I'm almost making the same mistake...
I am far more interested in psychology than engineering, but I constantly have this nagging anxiety that engineering is respected and has good job prospects, while psychology is seen as a mickey mouse degree and non practical
Thankfully, most people on tsr have been helpful and sensible and I have not met anyone advising me to study engineering merely for the prospects, rather than out of interest.
Trust me, your interest is going to keep you studying in the long run.
(((Magenta96)))
Poor you! I know EXACTLY how you feel with the whole 'missing out on Fresher's' thing. I have spoken at length about my experience in the thread 'In my mid thirties and wishing I'd tried harder socially at uni.' Family comes first and all but its so unfair how your auntie passed away on what many people see as the most crucial period in their uni career (if not your entire life?!) But as we all know the Universe is a random beast and all we can do is play the cards we re given.
I am really pleased and admire you for your 'not giving up' attitude. Some people would drop out with what you have been through, it sounds like you are going to stick it out! Well done! Your flatmates sound friendly as well so this is a real plus. I mentioned in my own thread that even though I practically shut myself in my room when at uni for the best part of 5 months, a hall-mate still invited me out for a drinking game when I finally came out to speak to people again! In hindsight of course I wish I could have told myself one week in (when it all seemed to be going Pete Tong) that Freshers isn't destiny! I was still invited out clubbing one night!
PS I now realise you posted in early October. I bet and hope its all working out for you now!
Poor you! I know EXACTLY how you feel with the whole 'missing out on Fresher's' thing. I have spoken at length about my experience in the thread 'In my mid thirties and wishing I'd tried harder socially at uni.' Family comes first and all but its so unfair how your auntie passed away on what many people see as the most crucial period in their uni career (if not your entire life?!) But as we all know the Universe is a random beast and all we can do is play the cards we re given.
I am really pleased and admire you for your 'not giving up' attitude. Some people would drop out with what you have been through, it sounds like you are going to stick it out! Well done! Your flatmates sound friendly as well so this is a real plus. I mentioned in my own thread that even though I practically shut myself in my room when at uni for the best part of 5 months, a hall-mate still invited me out for a drinking game when I finally came out to speak to people again! In hindsight of course I wish I could have told myself one week in (when it all seemed to be going Pete Tong) that Freshers isn't destiny! I was still invited out clubbing one night!
PS I now realise you posted in early October. I bet and hope its all working out for you now!
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