Struggling to get it out of my head that my parents want me to have a lower sex drive
I personally think Dad is trying to tell me that he wants me to learn to be happy if I'm not horny a lot. Yet no matter how much I explain to him that at 22 very few girlfriends are going to put up with you being unable to get an erection or give good sex, he keeps giving me stupid talks about self-esteem.
The fact is I am scared that I have to be more like him (have the T testosterone levels of a 50 year old man, his higher-pitched voice, balding, putting on a pouch…) but I don't want to be old. Not yet. I want to enjoy my youth, but even my own dad doesn't want me to go through my sexual prime.
I don't know how to explain this to anyone, except perhaps a counsellor, and even they like to dodge the issue.
The fact is I am scared that I have to be more like him (have the T testosterone levels of a 50 year old man, his higher-pitched voice, balding, putting on a pouch…) but I don't want to be old. Not yet. I want to enjoy my youth, but even my own dad doesn't want me to go through my sexual prime.
I don't know how to explain this to anyone, except perhaps a counsellor, and even they like to dodge the issue.
I also think that my dad takes it as a good sign if I am quite tired throughout the day like he is (doing a 60 hour week) because it means I am working hard. And once again, not virile.
Why is your dad taking interest in your sex drive, that's creepy.
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Original post by Jebedee
My dad isn't, but I reckon he reckons that I'd be more confident if I didn't care about being good looking or sexually attractive, which is *******s because I'm at the age where that sort of stuff matters. He has chubby cheeks that I don't want, and a high-pitched squeaky voice that I don't want. To avoid becoming more like him I hit the gym (lift) he doesn't lift. The list goes on.
Look I just want to have a higher sex drive than my 50 year old dad OK and I don't think he wants me to
Original post by Anonymous
My dad isn't, but I reckon he reckons that I'd be more confident if I didn't care about being good looking or sexually attractive, which is *******s because I'm at the age where that sort of stuff matters. He has chubby cheeks that I don't want, and a high-pitched squeaky voice that I don't want. To avoid becoming more like him I hit the gym (lift) he doesn't lift. The list goes on.
So tell him you'd rather take advice from someone who was actually successful in sex and relationships.
Original post by Jebedee
So tell him you'd rather take advice from someone who was actually successful in sex and relationships.
he's the one with a girlfriend (again a 50 year old woman) not me. There is no way to say this without hurting his feelings, I've tried
Original post by Anonymous
he's the one with a girlfriend (again a 50 year old woman) not me. There is no way to say this without hurting his feelings, I've tried
It's more important to get your point across effectively than to worry about feelings. Especially when someone is on your back about it. As a man he should respect your bluntness more.
Original post by Anonymous
I personally think Dad is trying to tell me that he wants me to learn to be happy if I'm not horny a lot. Yet no matter how much I explain to him that at 22 very few girlfriends are going to put up with you being unable to get an erection or give good sex, he keeps giving me stupid talks about self-esteem.
The fact is I am scared that I have to be more like him (have the T testosterone levels of a 50 year old man, his higher-pitched voice, balding, putting on a pouch…) but I don't want to be old. Not yet. I want to enjoy my youth, but even my own dad doesn't want me to go through my sexual prime.
I don't know how to explain this to anyone, except perhaps a counsellor, and even they like to dodge the issue.
The fact is I am scared that I have to be more like him (have the T testosterone levels of a 50 year old man, his higher-pitched voice, balding, putting on a pouch…) but I don't want to be old. Not yet. I want to enjoy my youth, but even my own dad doesn't want me to go through my sexual prime.
I don't know how to explain this to anyone, except perhaps a counsellor, and even they like to dodge the issue.
I don't know if it was in your intentions, but I found this funnier than I probably should?
Anyway, your dad wants you to be happy and not focus on the shagging, whereas you want the opposite, isn't this the same with all parents?
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Original post by Davalla
I don't know if it was in your intentions, but I found this funnier than I probably should?
Anyway, your dad wants you to be happy and not focus on the shagging, whereas you want the opposite, isn't this the same with all parents?
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Anyway, your dad wants you to be happy and not focus on the shagging, whereas you want the opposite, isn't this the same with all parents?
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yes but if I carry on reading Men's Health or whatever he's threatening to child-lock this laptop.
Original post by Anonymous
Look I just want to have a higher sex drive than my 50 year old dad OK and I don't think he wants me to
And herein lies the problem. You think he wants you to have a lowed sex drive. Has he ever told you that? He probably sees you going on about how you look and sound and worrying over it and has given you sensible advice not to worry about it. If you're not comfortable in your own skin that will come across to people, especially people you want to try and flirt with or whatever and they'll run a mile.
Original post by Jebedee
It's more important to get your point across effectively than to worry about feelings. Especially when someone is on your back about it. As a man he should respect your bluntness more.
he doesn't say anything, he just makes out that one day I can be happy with myself even if I have a low sex drive. But it is not this day, I am in my youth, it's a horrible feeling. I actually revel in those mornings after lifting when I am so ridiculously horny, they are few and far between.
Original post by moonkatt
And herein lies the problem. You think he wants you to have a lowed sex drive. Has he ever told you that? He probably sees you going on about how you look and sound and worrying over it and has given you sensible advice not to worry about it. If you're not comfortable in your own skin that will come across to people, especially people you want to try and flirt with or whatever and they'll run a mile.
in the past my girlfriend, who said she loved me, flirted regularly with her guy friend with a squarer jawline and deeper voice. That guy also gets a lot more attention on Facebook etc. I do what I can re: diet and fitness but I just cannot compete endlessly with these people
I will admit, that he too describes me as paranoid
for context, my dad's face shape is like James Arthur, and as a bi-curious male, I don't find it attractive to have on myself. Nor do I know how women would find it. Equally when I have a lower sex drive and squeakier voice like my dad, I don't like it, it doesn't turn me on.
nor do I find the current skinny/'skinny-fat' look or body shape I've got physically attractive. But there's not much I can do about that at present until I can afford more food, i.e. get a job-as dad does not understand the importance of high protein (since he's not a health nut and older like that) and his girlfriend is vegetarian anyway. Also it would be unfair to sponge all my grub off of him while I'm on benefits, I recognise that.
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