Ruined all my friendships at uni.

Hey all;

I went to uni for 4 years and now I have been working for 2 years and I am beginning to realise what a mess of my social life I made.

I started uni with my first girlfriend and over the 2 years we made the same group of friends, but after that we broke up and I never really got to see that group of friends all that much, I wasn't even invited to there wedding. :frown:

At the end of 2nd year I had sort of formed another group of friends 'the lads'. These guys I treated fairly badly as I'd go out with them and just abandon them in a pursuit of girls....We used to go to the BOGOF international night and I'd try to chat up all the Chinese girls to make my ex girlfriend jealous...I completely neglected 'the lads' while doing this...eventually they got a house in 3rd year and I was the only one left out.

3rd and 4th year I met a new group of friends and a new girlfriend. I didn't really treat the girlfriend very well and I think on the quite the group of friends I was in disliked me, especially her male best mate who I was convinced just got friendzoned. After uni me and this girl aka 'the one' broke up and I was effectively shunned from this 3rd group of friends too.

I really wish I could have another crack at uni but I know I'll never have another go. :frown:

Any one had a similar experience?

Reply 1

pryngles

................................

jerk?

sorry but sounds like you deserved it

Reply 2

futbol

You're still young, go out and make new friends or make good friends at work..

Try and be more likeable towards any new friends or the outcome will be the same as your old ones.

Reply 3

chunderitis

I probably deserve it. But then again is it my fault that I am a narcissist depressed & socially inept? Maybe if I was a different person with different experiences I would have handled things better?

I don't know but it seems that there is nothing I can do about it now.

-Things really haven't changed at work, my colleagues aren't my friends outside of work.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 4

Octohedral

Seriously, don't worry about it. Some people make 'friends for life' at university, but all this really means later in life is you send birthday cards once a year and perhaps have the occasional depressing 'reunion'.

Relationships get a little harder after university, but are by no means impossible. Friendships in adulthood tend to be very temporary (apart from your partner), and are usually restricted to whoever you live / work near. Young people tend to move on every couple of years.

I know what it feels like to regret stuff, and I'm not saying you couldn't have done better. However - contrary to Disney film opinion - most teenagers and people in their early twenties are going through a distressing period of uncertainty, not the 'time of their lives'.

If you think this is bad, imagine how you'll feel as a seventy year old if you don't get it right now. Don't waste your early twenties regretting your undergraduate years. Take advantage of the freedom of being a full adult, and find out how to change this story before it's set in stone.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 5

Jack_Sheridan

A fight that makes a friendship stronger is important but if it ruins everything then trust me...it was required.

Reply 6

FeelingDepressed

Sorry mate but you don't sound like you have been much of a friend to ther people and consequently now don't have any.friendships are two way and if you put something into any relationship you will get something back out, you can't keep taking and not giving.

Never too too late to start again.

Reply 7

Jgco2chem

Hey, cheer up! We all make mistakes and then get the chance to improve. You learn from experiences...I feel perhaps if your gonna have a girlfriends get one that your actually interested in otherwise if your getting one for the sake of having one you won't treat her how she deserves.
There is an abundance of amazing girls out there and they will come when you least expected. Perhaps focus on developing friendship with guys, help them out, work together to pursue girls so you don't have to ditch them. Your at uni there will always be someone to find and make friends with, otherwise you can always apologize to your old friends see if they will have you back. They don't have to be in your same year you can mix with the other years through parties and societies.
Just remember your mistakes and don't repeat them.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

My advice to you is perhaps to join the LDS, more commonly known as Mormons. Not the Polygamists (or however you spell it) but the proper ones. They are great people and you will most certainly make friends among them, friends that will last, and look out for you!

I've recently just moved away from home, and didn't know anybody to begin with. I went to the nearest LDS chapel on a Sunday, and they welcomed me to the point of making many friends there, that actually care about you and see past your past!!

:smile:

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

Original post by Octohedral

It really grates how confidently you speak about all life matters when you're only 22 yourself and show crippling uncertainty in your own life via threads of your own.

'For all your many subtleties you have not wisdom'

Reply 10

Octohedral

Original post by Anonymous

Ok, that's a fair criticism.

Edit: Actually, I do have to add that (whilst I apologise if I come across as arrogant), there is nothing wise about certainty - mine or otherwise. If I wasn't uncertain as a 22 year old I wouldn't be learning very much.