Ex dumped me after over 3 years of being together and gave no proper explanation

It's been 2 weeks since my ex girlfriend dumped me. I moved from the west coast of Wales (Aberystwyth) to London on a Sunday. I saw my girlfriend every day of that week. On the Friday we were both in tears because we weren't going to get to see each other as often and then again on the Saturday we were crying our eyes out. She dumped me on the Tuesday. 3 days after I'd last seen her crying over the fact that we were going to miss each other! She broke it off over the phone by first starting the conversation with "You're too good for me" then saying "I'm sorry". I caught on to what was happening then.

There had been absolutely no signs of our relationship going the way it did. She had been my best friend for 3 years and we spent so much time together. Her parents and I got on incredibly well, so much so that they invited me to go on holiday to Amsterdam/Bruges/Brussels with them, which was great, as well as paying for me and her to go to Sonisphere festival together. So we did quite a lot of cool **** together and I loved it. As stupid as it sounds it really always felt like me and her against the world. Anyway, back to the phone call. She was really cold talking to me, complete lack of empathy. I was blubbering and sobbing ridiculously and she wasn't budging at all. She said "I have stuff that I want to do" and by this she meant getting high and ****faced, something neither of us did or ever expressed any interest in doing. She'd recently moved from her school 6th form to the local college, and obviously in doing so she met new people. She told me on more than one occasion that there were a lot of stoners at college and that her friends knew a lot of dealers. I didn't think too much of it because like I said, it never seemed like anything she wanted to do. After she had said what she did I asked her if by "stuff" she meant getting high and pissed off her tits and she coldly replied "so what If I do?".

How someone can change from crying over the fact that they're going to miss someone so much to telling the same person to basically **** off within the space of 3 days is beyond me. I ended the conversation because the phone signal where I live is awful and I kept having to ring her back in order for her to dump me so I got fed up and said that I was going to hang up because I didn't want to have to phone her back again. Next day I texted her asking if we could talk properly on the phone because we'd been through so much (good and bad) **** together over the course of 3 years and I didn't want everything to end on bad terms. I also felt like I deserved a proper explanation. Long story short she replied saying "Ok", I texted back asking when would be a good time to talk, got no reply for the entire day, tried again, still no reply and then finally a text saying "I have nothing more to say to you" . Tried phoning but she just hung up every time. I don't know how desperate and pathetic all this makes me sound but seriously, after 3 years with hardly any arguments or falling outs and both of us (apparently) fully committed to what was about to become a long distance relationship, I did not see this coming.

On top of all this, not even a week had passed, maybe 4/5 days and I learn she's going out with someone else. And the cherry on top of the cake for me has to be the fact that he looks like Sloth from The Goonies. Honest to God he does. Worst of all is that she was showing me this guy's Facebook profile and talking about how much of a stoner he was a good week before I moved. So I guess in that sense there were minor hints but then still that's nothing major, is it?I thought our relationship was on such good terms that showing me this guy she met in college just meant nothing.

To finish this unfortunately long post, I still have no clear idea as to why she dumped me. Piecing everything together, it seems like a mixture of things. I don't think she felt like she could commit to a long distance relationship, and she's the type of person who doesn't commit to things anyway, like if she's working on something, anything, a book, a piece of artwork, she won't usually finish it. Although she obviously somehow committed to me for over 3 years but like I said, distance might've scared her off. I also think that she'd been seeing or thinking about Sloth from The Goonies for a while, she'd been at college a good month and she has a history of relationships ending badly with other guys involved so that would make painful sense. Then there's also the lifestyle change that she probably thinks she needs in order for her to fit in with new people, and without me there to spend time with, I'm guessing that the drink and drugs are a way for her to spend her time, and that Sloth is a gateway into that.

I just want to know what other people think. All my motivation is gone. My confidence is gone. I have every post break up symptom there is. I honestly can't see what her side of the story would be. If it was the distance, she should've just talked to me about it before I moved. It would still hurt but it would've been better than to end it in such a cold, cryptic stupid way. She was my first love. I had never had a proper girlfriend before her (she'd had about 5 boyfriends) so that also makes it harder for me. So there we go, what do you guys think?

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Reply 1

Four Queue

Damn, that's cold. Think you've got it nailed with your reasoning. She was definitely seeing/thinking about that guy before ending it with you. Fair enough, not everyone can do long distance but you can control who you see/what you do with those who aren't your bf/gf. Unfortunately you see how fast people can change in their sensitivity. When they like you, they don't wanna hurt you. When they're no longer into you, it's like you were never anything to them to start with.

Sorry to hear it pal.

Reply 2

7M33R

I've also been dumped, although she had a reason.

Watch this video, it helped me a lot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIZf0mk5Ju8

Reply 3

Rainbow Student

Sorry to break it to you but she doesn't give a ****. You deserve WAY BETTER than that. You have your life ahead of you, so you may find someone new, so good luck and don't be down, live life to the fullest man, and be positive.

Reply 4

somemightsay888

Sorry to hear, it looks like she just couldn't face telling you about Sloth. The "you're too good for me" is one of the oldest, laziest reasons out there. Chin up and resist any urge to go to her again. I bet in a few months she'll send the inevitable "I miss you etc......"

Reply 5

cleveradam

Deep stuff.
But one simply does not end a relationship over the phone...
Maybe she was cheating on you for quite some time or is hiding something from you.

Reply 6

ElHubertoRoberto

Thanks guys. It certainly does seem like she's been seeing Sloth for a while. Like I said, she'd been at college about a month which would have been more than enough time to cheat on me. I told her on more than one occasion how cold she could be during our 3 years together. It was one thing I never felt too comfortable with. She could be really emotionless at times. It's not just the relationship she's taken away from me either but it's her whole family as well. Her parents ended up like an Aunt and Uncle to me. Me and her Dad had a shared passion for almost exactly the same music, even recorded some **** together too. So y'know, that kinda thing doesn't happen often. I know there's apparently always 2 sides to every story, but there is no chance in hell that her side would be justifiable. *******s to the whole "break ups are hard for both sides" thing. It almost seems like a f***ing joke to her.

Reply 7

Mankytoes

It sounds like she's changed, I mean you say she's just started college, so were you what, fifteen when you started going out? It's extremely rare for couples to stay together from that age, you're just such a different person a few years later. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, it doesn't hurt any less because you're younger, but the situation isn't unusual.

It sounds like she's met a guy she likes more (you can't get too hung up on looks, they matter more when you're younger because pretty much no guys are good with girls, but you'll see some really average looking guys getting with girls because they've got good patter), and handled it like a complete bitch.

Reply 8

ElHubertoRoberto

Original post by Mankytoes

Yeah I was fifteen when we started and she's just a bit over a year younger. You're totally right. I've seen her go through a lot of phases and she's 17 now so obviously still finding who she is I guess (although she's the type of person to base who she is on what other people think she should be). I guess I liked the idea of the both of us staying together from such a young age. It's a nice thought to me, y'know? It was something she brought up on the phone though, her age at the time when we started. Which is fair as a point but still no excuse for the way she handled it.

I still am not convinced that this guy is the type of person she really wants. I do think she's using him as a means to getting her hands on some drugs. And I mean, I'm definitely not the best looking guy in the world, but this guy genuinely is hideous. Seriously, not even saying it to insult him. It's just a genuine fact that he is, shall we say, facially troubled. But we've both had really long discussions on drugs and all that and how neither of us really felt like we needed any in our lives and then all of a sudden, new environment, new friends, new lifestyle. I guess it was to be expected.

Would also just like to say that talking to other people and writing all this out is really helping me put everything that happened in perspective in terms of the relationship so I appreciate everyone's input so far. Thanks guys.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

I bet in few months/weeks time she'll text you "I miss you bla bla"
Anyway, dude,, at least you got 3 years out of the relationship and in the process gained valuable life skills!
Forget her man. Look for a new girl that deserves you :smile:

Reply 10

scrotgrot

Be stoic, don't cry especially if she doesn't. It's clear she doesn't give a **** about you and hasn't for a long time. I guarantee she will end up getting big into drugs and some disaster will happen and she'll break up with the other guy. Then she'll be sending you desperate texts wanting you back. But you have compromised your position by crying and seeming needy. Yes it's harsh to say but that's the truth. She'll probably still be texting you in a few months though.

You're only 18 yet, lots to learn and lots of time available to you. At least you're going to uni (I assume this is the reason) without a millstone round your neck and with a healthy, but hopefully no less optimistic, appreciation of how deceitful women can be at their worst.

Reply 11

mrkl

Haven't got the time to give a full post, so bullet points:

- Your GF has low self esteem and probably hitched up with you to boost her ego, that can never be a long term solution

- in LT insecurties will kick in and she feels she has to end it before she gets " hurt ". being immature and cowardly she can only break it off in a uncivilsed manner

- Fact that her new BF is a stoner and ugly fits everything her profile suggests. He is someone she can feels more powerful over and so can control him so that he can never hurt her but she can to him.

Spy on them or get someone to do so and then you'll get confirmation

Reply 12

ElHubertoRoberto

Original post by scrotgrot

Eh. The fact that I cried doesn't bother me at all. Although you're right in saying that I should've been a bit more stern but then she did take me by surprise. It's genuinely scary how sneaky and uncaring some people can be. She did not give two sh*ts at all. Thanks for your input dude.

Reply 13

ElHubertoRoberto

Original post by mrkl

Aye. I suspect the same as you with Dribbles McFugly. Just using him, like she did with me, but for different reasons. I was always making sure that I tried to tell her how great I thought she was and other stupid sh*t like that. Probably got to such a point where she now thinks she's as great a person as I was saying she was, so now she has no need for me.

Don't think I'll get anyone to spy on them, haha. But damn it all just some actual reasons as to why she did this would be nice. Confirmation of what I'm suspecting in my head is what I need. She's really earning herself a bad reputation from where I'm from. Rightfully so too. As dickish as it might sound I honestly hope she never finds happiness. People like that don't deserve to be happy.

Reply 14

Mankytoes

Original post by ElHubertoRoberto

Yeah, I think it is a nice thought, and even though it's very rare it doesn't stop you thinking it will be different for you. I think maybe you should let the reasoning behind it go, just accept that you've grown apart or whatever, but yeah, it doesn't excuse how she did it.

Again, that's something that often changes with time. Obviously what we're told regarding drugs when we're kids is so negative that most people don't think they'll do them. I remember hearing about them in school and thinking "why would anyone do these"? Then you actually get exposed to them, and realise the reality is a bit different. I don't think you can hold anyone to what they say about drugs when they're seventeen. In five years you'll be shocked at whose doing coke, I am anyway. Would drugs really be that hard to get that she'd need to go out with this guy? Meh, it's just speculation, who knows.

It's understandable that you currently hope she never finds happiness, but you'll probably feel differently in time, people make mistakes.

Reply 15

Maid Marian

People change. :frown:

Sorry OP.

Reply 16

SarcasticMel

Dude you spent your teenage years with her. You had a great time with her.

Now it's a different time in your life, so move on. I know it hurts now, but trust me it won't anymore and especially not if you meet someone else.

Reply 17

Commercial Paper

That's it brah.

Just got to try and work your way through the pain and welcome in the new chapter of your life - you have close friends to support you?

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Reply 18

LavenderBlueSky88

She's what... 17/18 and you've been together 3 years? People change, she feels she's outgrown you and wants to experience what it's like to date other guys.. I don't condone the drug parts but that's a whole other story. I think she probably knew you were moving and kept you strung along while it was convenient but actually wasn't keen on a serious long distance relationship. I can't blame her, at that age I wouldn't have wanted one either. She's still finding her feet in life and maybe in a year or two she will have matured and be phoning you up again, but for now the best thing you can do is to move on.