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Dealing with a problematic flatmate...

So I've been at university for about a month now, and I live in halls with four other girls. Three of us get on really well, another one comes and chats to us if we're about, but the fourth flatmate is becoming a bit of a nightmare!

To start with, we decided to all eat together to cut costs. Said flatmate agreed to this, but only appears out of her room when the food is being served, and once she is done, she just sits there until the rest of us clean up, even though we already did all the cooking and she hasn't helped. If she does appear early, e.g before we finish cooking, she will sit herself down and refuse to help, and will start eating before the rest of us have sat down, and she has never thanked us for a meal. The real insult came yesterday, when she bought one of those 'food kits' and asked if we could have it for dinner, then simply left it on the table, later admitting that by telling us she wanted it, she assumed the rest of us would go out and get the other ingredients and make it for her.

The other issue is that she is completely silent. She always appears in the kitchen when we are cooking or chatting, but then sits there and says nothing. If we ask her a question, she responds but does not try to carry on the conversation. We are friendly to her and try to get her involved, but she does not recipricate the effort, and will simply sit there with a grumpy face on as if she'd rather be anywhere else in the world. Obviously we don't want to push her out, but it feels rude because we never force her to join in, and wouldn't have a problem with her going to her room if she was bored.

The final thing that really irritates me to almost offence is her attitude to one of my other flatmates. This flatmate has a severe nerve condition, and recently relapsed causing her to require crutches at all times, as she cannot put any pressure on her foot. Our silent and ungrateful flatmate refuses to help her, even when she is obviously struggling to do everyday things, such as open doors or carry things around.

If you have read to the end of this essay, then thank you! I really needed a rant, and understand I could be being a complete bitch about this, but the rest of my flatmates have told me they feel the same. I have no idea on how to approach her, as she won't speak and therefore I don't know her well enough to tell her she's being out of order without worsening the situation. Anyone else been through this? I'd be grateful for similar stories as much as advice on how to resolve this!

Reply 1

hellodave5

Original post by rara14

Have a word!! People always have similar problems. Tell her how you feel.

Reply 2

Lyrical Prodigy

Sounds like a right idiot, I would have gone all out on her. :fight:

But seriously, tell her how you feel first, maybe then she'll put in the effort.

Reply 3

Paralove

Tell her that if she wants a meal, she has to help. No help, no meal.

Reply 4

Mindless Behavior

What a ****! Just don't include her in your meal plans. Let her buy and cook her own food.

Reply 5

Octohedral

Tell her. Sometimes people just don't realise their own behaviour is so awful. It's probably best if it's one of you rather than all of you ('silent and grumpy' could easily be 'shy'). In other words, give her the benefit of the doubt, and make sure she understands the situation.

If she responds badly to that, she is just a nasty person. It's very hard to know what to do with that sort of person, but I guess you have to set some firm rules. I don't know though - this is speculative.

Reply 6

jelly1000

Original post by rara14

As others have said, first thing to do would be speak to her. Make clear that part of the meal deal is that she helps cook or wash up as well as pays. If she doesn't agree to this then I would stop making the effort to cook for her. I'd also say look x really needs help atm do you mind if you can help her.

Reply 7

JC.

You need to speak to her.
You can't just assume she's being a cock.
Perhaps she has a fear of hot pans / electric hobs / gas hobs etc etc...

Some folk go to uni and they are utterly clueless - never boiled an egg, never made a bed. There are others at the extreme other end of the scale have been carers for a relative or sibling and are already totally independent people.
The majority fall somewhere in the middle.

Go tap on her door and ask if you can have a chat and work out where the problems lay.
Maybe you need to work out a rota or something?

Either way, sitting there feeling angry won't solve your problems. Best of luck!

Reply 8

drbluebox

It actually to me sounds like she may have something like aspergers so lacks understanding rather than being a nasty person, then again she could just be spoiled and used to her parents doing everything for her but from what you said her being autistic sounds more likely

Reply 9

SophiaLDN

Have a house meeting and let her know that she needs to pull her weight. Enough is enough, you're not her step-mother. If she fails to change, take her out of the equation and cook/share your meals together. Simple, problem solved. Let her food shop and cook for herself. You didn't come to uni to be someone else's maid..