What do you talk about with a suicidal friend?

My friend recently tried to commit suicide. I want to be as supportive as possible but don't know what to talk about with him?

I was on the phone with him the other day and there were long pauses in our conversation. I thought about talking about his hobbies and interests but then I thought that seemed a little ignorant given the circumstances. I also didn't really want to talk about the day he tried to commit suicide in case it caused him to try it again. Small talk topics, such as the recent weather, had already been used up at this stage.

I can't just ignore him either, so what do I do? Any help would be very much appreciated. :confused:

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I think even with the long pauses, there's a sense of comfort that someone out there is with you.

Having to getting as close to writing a suicide note myself, I wouldn't know what I would want someone to say to me but what would make them feel worthy of their existence, i.e 'do you remember that funny time you did/said...' etc. Who knows, they may open up and tell you every reason why they're not worthy of breathing anymore but they've probably forgotten what they live for.

Well done and keep the job up OP, they just need something to cause them to open up and have someone support them until they can support themselves :smile:

Reply 2

InsertWittyName

9

Original post by Anonymous

My friend recently tried to commit suicide. I want to be as supportive as possible but don't know what to talk about with him?

I was on the phone with him the other day and there were long pauses in our conversation. I thought about talking about his hobbies and interests but then I thought that seemed a little ignorant given the circumstances. I also didn't really want to talk about the day he tried to commit suicide in case it caused him to try it again. Small talk topics, such as the recent weather, had already been used up at this stage.

I can't just ignore him either, so what do I do? Any help would be very much appreciated. :confused:

Talking about the day won't encourage him to try again- if anything it might help him deal with his feelings and come to terms with what happened. He might actually appreciate someone he knows hearing him out.

Talking about the stuff you normally talk about with him helps too, and shows you don't feel any different about him/feel awkward talking to him.

I guess just talk about whatever feels right- he's probably grateful he has someone to talk to.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for your replies. I suppose I'm worried about inciting suicidal thoughts again. I haven't actually seen him in three weeks (since he tried suicide) so I don't exactly know what his state of mind is like. This is what makes me so nervous as to say the wrong thing.

It came as quite a shock to me when I found out; I think he's quite a funny person. I also thought he had just been tired of a morning in school, but I found out that he wasn't actually tired, he was sad. I should say that I found out about the attempt two weeks after he did try suicide. What shocked me further was the fact that he did die for about a minute, until his mother resuscitated him, which makes me think he was really committed to the idea if death. Can I trust him not to try it again? (That's rhetorical by the way).

Thank you very much for your advice though. It's given me a few 'conversation topics' to consider.

Reply 4

glycerin

Plan travel! A trip anywhere - not neccessarily that far away. You can talk about saving up when he's ready to get a job and work together with you, you'll find out more about what he likes to do that way and be a stable friend to have to help get him through.

Edit: hope you don't find me insensitive for saying that, was thinking it could be a good way to take his mind off things. /edit

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 5

doodle_333

19

as someone who's attempted suicide, all I wanted from my friends was some normality - all you get from parents and professionals is questions about what happened and how you feel etc so it's nice to be able to get some normality and not feel like a freak for once and it is a lot easier to feel happy when you're not talking about feeling sad!

I would tell him that if he ever wants to talk about it you are there and happy to listen but you wont push it unless he tells you he wants to

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by doodle_333

as someone who's attempted suicide, all I wanted from my friends was some normality - all you get from parents and professionals is questions about what happened and how you feel etc so it's nice to be able to get some normality and not feel like a freak for once and it is a lot easier to feel happy when you're not talking about feeling sad!

I would tell him that if he ever wants to talk about it you are there and happy to listen but you wont push it unless he tells you he wants to

Thanks for your story and advice. I just didn't know what to say when I was on the phone with him the other day. I'll be seeing him in person soon so I'm sure our chatter will be just as it was a few months ago.

Reply 7

TallerThanSmall

5

Original post by Anonymous

My friend recently tried to commit suicide. I want to be as supportive as possible but don't know what to talk about with him?

I was on the phone with him the other day and there were long pauses in our conversation. I thought about talking about his hobbies and interests but then I thought that seemed a little ignorant given the circumstances. I also didn't really want to talk about the day he tried to commit suicide in case it caused him to try it again. Small talk topics, such as the recent weather, had already been used up at this stage.

I can't just ignore him either, so what do I do? Any help would be very much appreciated. :confused:

I think the most important thing is to listen, to have a genuine conversation. Very often, suicide is the indirect result of a feeling of intense isolation. If you can do something to try and break down that isolation, then that can be a major step in the right direction. Don't feel like you can't mention his suicide attempt: I believe (I'm not sure, but I believe) various studies have shown it won't trigger any significant additional suicidal thoughts for him, and you can pretty much bet it will already feel on his mind. He might start to feel even more isolated, even stranger and more inadequate, because you're treading around the issue, treating him like fragile china rather than a person with whom you can have an adult conversation. At the same time, don't focus on his attempt too much either, for the same reason. Only if he brings it up or you think it's important at the time to say it.

Most of all, just be his friend, for real. That's the most important thing you can do.

Reply 8

Excuse Me!

19

Talk normally and only discuss feelings and what not if he chooses to do so. If he brings up feelings then it does not mean he's suicidal - it's just him getting but off his chest.

Also, make a plan for a day or something. Agree to go to a comedy performance or something in a month as that way whenever he feels down hell have something to look forward to

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 9

millymolly123

2

Talk to him about it...eventhough he may not seem like he wants to he will subconsciously...most people try to commit suicide because they think no one will miss them, so why not? When you see him it would probably be best to be one of the first things to talk about eventhough it will be awkwards at first...but then at least its out afterall if you didnt say anything and he didn't youd both be thinking about it. And just to say I know you were looking for advice, and do by all means take it but remember hes your friend so only you know how he will react what might be a trigger to one person could be a relief to another, so just be careful before you take anyones advice.
Hope it helps.

What do you talk about with a suicidal friend?

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