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Male housemates keep inappropriately touching me
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Hide a camera and make sure you capture this, especially how you don't find it okay and tell them off. Make sure they don't find out about it too early.
Make copies.
Go to police or uni, report sexual harassment. Show them the evidence. It is they that should be removed from that place and made pay those fees or you shouldn't be forced to pay those fees for moving out.
Make copies.
Go to police or uni, report sexual harassment. Show them the evidence. It is they that should be removed from that place and made pay those fees or you shouldn't be forced to pay those fees for moving out.
This is so awful. I am very sorry to hear you are in this situation. I want these guys to be punished, but realistically, I don't think they will be (as you have said there is no evidence or witness). However, even so, reporting them may scare them into behaving more appropriately, even if nothing else comes of it. They can at the very least no longer pretend that they don't know how inappropriate their behaviour really is, if they have to lie about it to the police.
Do you have a (female) student welfare officer on site?
Start looking for a new room as well. You may have to find a new tenant for your old room, but that may not be too difficult (a nuisance, but solvable). Just make sure it is a guy.
Do you have a (female) student welfare officer on site?
Start looking for a new room as well. You may have to find a new tenant for your old room, but that may not be too difficult (a nuisance, but solvable). Just make sure it is a guy.
(edited 9 years ago)
Speak to your student welfare officer - student unions should have one or your women's tutor. Repeat what you have told us.
Urgently. First thing tomorrow. They will log it and get someone to warn the men or take legal action on your behalf. It is likely that it will be put on their record. Unfortunately you are not likely to be the only one they have done it to nor the last. If they are repeat offenders it's quite possible they will be sent down. It's got past the stage where you can handle it yourself.
If you have serious financial problems or fear you may because of this issue again speak to your student union women's officer or university welfare officer. They will have met this sort of thing before and often have hardship or emergency funds to offer in such circumstances to help you pay for another place.
I really don't think you should be staying in the same flat with these people - situations like this can escalate suddenly. Be prepared, it may get worse not better after you've reported it so you should have an emergency place to go immediately. Get your things packed. Hopefully either the university or union will find you somewhere straightaway at least temporarily. This is taken very, very seriously.
Urgently. First thing tomorrow. They will log it and get someone to warn the men or take legal action on your behalf. It is likely that it will be put on their record. Unfortunately you are not likely to be the only one they have done it to nor the last. If they are repeat offenders it's quite possible they will be sent down. It's got past the stage where you can handle it yourself.
If you have serious financial problems or fear you may because of this issue again speak to your student union women's officer or university welfare officer. They will have met this sort of thing before and often have hardship or emergency funds to offer in such circumstances to help you pay for another place.
I really don't think you should be staying in the same flat with these people - situations like this can escalate suddenly. Be prepared, it may get worse not better after you've reported it so you should have an emergency place to go immediately. Get your things packed. Hopefully either the university or union will find you somewhere straightaway at least temporarily. This is taken very, very seriously.
(edited 9 years ago)
How horrible for you!! This is way beyond messing around... They are sexually assaulting you... They are also minimising their assault.. This is typical of sexual assault. They should not be living with any woman.
See Women's officer at uni/female tutor. They will support you, and will ensure you don't have a financial penalty for being sexually assaulted.
In the short term... If you feel you can.(sure they won't become violent /cause more hassle). Tell them both you are thoroughly pissed off by their behaviour, and you've told them this several times, and if it doesn't stop you WILL go the police. I would email them so they can't pretend they haven't received it. Good luck! Please don't ignore your horrid treatment... Don't be worried about their futures... They are as sure as he'll not worries about your well being!!
See Women's officer at uni/female tutor. They will support you, and will ensure you don't have a financial penalty for being sexually assaulted.
In the short term... If you feel you can.(sure they won't become violent /cause more hassle). Tell them both you are thoroughly pissed off by their behaviour, and you've told them this several times, and if it doesn't stop you WILL go the police. I would email them so they can't pretend they haven't received it. Good luck! Please don't ignore your horrid treatment... Don't be worried about their futures... They are as sure as he'll not worries about your well being!!
Kick them in the *******s! Seriously how disgusting they are!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I apologise if it's a long post, I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. Basically, I'm living in a student house with a few housemates. I knew them from last year, and they are generally OK, except two of them are being physically inappropriate with me.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
****ing hell thats like full on sexual harassment, the type you'd see on a crowed Japanese subway, **** them, report the perverts
My opinion is it's a bit over the top to suddenly report them without notice and - as you say - ruin their lives.
Just say to them, not in an angry way: "I know you probably don't mean anything, but this stuff really makes me uncomfortable. So if you do it again I really have to report it to the university. So if you do it again just don't be surprised when I report you."
It might sound to some people like you're pandering to them and being too nice, but I think it maximises the chances of this finishing without awkwardness. You're giving them a chance to just stop and carry on with your lives with no bad blood. Then if they do it again you can report them without guilt because you told them exactly what you would do - and so the choice to be reported was made by them, not you.
Just say to them, not in an angry way: "I know you probably don't mean anything, but this stuff really makes me uncomfortable. So if you do it again I really have to report it to the university. So if you do it again just don't be surprised when I report you."
It might sound to some people like you're pandering to them and being too nice, but I think it maximises the chances of this finishing without awkwardness. You're giving them a chance to just stop and carry on with your lives with no bad blood. Then if they do it again you can report them without guilt because you told them exactly what you would do - and so the choice to be reported was made by them, not you.
Original post by paddyman4
My opinion is it's a bit over the top to suddenly report them without notice and - as you say - ruin their lives.
Just say to them, not in an angry way: "I know you probably don't mean anything, but this stuff really makes me uncomfortable. So if you do it again I really have to report it to the university. So if you do it again just don't be surprised when I report you."
It might sound to some people like you're pandering to them and being too nice, but I think it maximises the chances of this finishing without awkwardness. You're giving them a chance to just stop and carry on with your lives with no bad blood. Then if they do it again you can report them without guilt because you told them exactly what you would do - and so the choice to be reported was made by them, not you.
Just say to them, not in an angry way: "I know you probably don't mean anything, but this stuff really makes me uncomfortable. So if you do it again I really have to report it to the university. So if you do it again just don't be surprised when I report you."
It might sound to some people like you're pandering to them and being too nice, but I think it maximises the chances of this finishing without awkwardness. You're giving them a chance to just stop and carry on with your lives with no bad blood. Then if they do it again you can report them without guilt because you told them exactly what you would do - and so the choice to be reported was made by them, not you.
I agree with this.
Although I actually think that she'd have to say that stuff pretty forcefully for it to be taken seriously. If it's said too casually, they may just think she's joking or not being serious. She's already mentioned it to them before, so I don't think it should be said nicely; I think she should be very firm and clear with them that it isn't acceptable.
(edited 9 years ago)
you really need to slap in the face, and warn them that you will report it.
I get that you don't want to be left with the financial burden regarding the rent etc. First, I would go to student accommodation/ university advice and see what the procedure would be if someone was to say.. hypothetically couldn't stay on as a tenant due to their flatmates sexually assaulting them. Also find out how this would compromise you in regards to rent and shared tenancy. Get some advice first before you proceed. Do this asap, no time like the present.
Now. You need to annihilate them. You've already warned them and clearly told them no, on several occasions. They don't care about you or your feelings. At all. So why do you care about them? I can see that you're a very nice person and somewhat naive as you've made a bunch of excuses for them and as to why you shouldn't report them. It's only october now, why do you want to keep yourself in this situation? You're acting like you can just ignore this and it will go away but unfortunately it won't. I think you know this too as you've made a thread about this situation so it's worrying you that much. This could even escalate as they clearly don't care about you saying 'no'. Do you really want to stay in this situation until June/July. Also, they could go around sexually assaulting other females too. Basically, nip this in the bud now.
IF you want to give them one more chance, I would advice you to call a kitchen meeting with the two boys. Bring a close friend with you, so you're not alone & to witness it. I would even record it on my phone (with my phone in my pocket) as evidence. Tell them that you've had enough, its not funny and you WILL report them to the police and university if they don't stop TODAY. Let it be clear that you're being extremely serious and you're in a nice mood today otherwise you would have gone to the police yesterday. If they don't stop, you know what needs to be done..
Now. You need to annihilate them. You've already warned them and clearly told them no, on several occasions. They don't care about you or your feelings. At all. So why do you care about them? I can see that you're a very nice person and somewhat naive as you've made a bunch of excuses for them and as to why you shouldn't report them. It's only october now, why do you want to keep yourself in this situation? You're acting like you can just ignore this and it will go away but unfortunately it won't. I think you know this too as you've made a thread about this situation so it's worrying you that much. This could even escalate as they clearly don't care about you saying 'no'. Do you really want to stay in this situation until June/July. Also, they could go around sexually assaulting other females too. Basically, nip this in the bud now.
IF you want to give them one more chance, I would advice you to call a kitchen meeting with the two boys. Bring a close friend with you, so you're not alone & to witness it. I would even record it on my phone (with my phone in my pocket) as evidence. Tell them that you've had enough, its not funny and you WILL report them to the police and university if they don't stop TODAY. Let it be clear that you're being extremely serious and you're in a nice mood today otherwise you would have gone to the police yesterday. If they don't stop, you know what needs to be done..
Original post by gagaslilmonsteruk
If you've watched EastEnders in the last 2 months or so with Dean and Linda, that should tell you to nip it in the bud now before things go too far. Get the police and/or the uni involved. They don't value you as a person, and need some way of being told that their views of women are vile and wrong
Lold, hope you weren't serious.
Ignore this guy, just report them
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by sliceofcake
Punch them in the dick.
Seems like an overreaction, so if they say anything, just ask "oh, was that inappropriate?" and leave.
Seems like an overreaction, so if they say anything, just ask "oh, was that inappropriate?" and leave.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Thank you everyone for your input, I greatly appreciate it. Since the last incident (a few days ago), I've been giving them both a cold shoulder, avoiding them like hell, and I think they got the message. B apologised to me today, and said it won't happen again. If it does happen again from either of them, I will go to the student union and report them, but for now, I just gave them their last and final warning. If they continue anyway, I won't feel bad about their future prospects. I'm hoping they'll stop for good, although I'm still going to avoid them if I can.
Thank you guys again for your help, this whole thing was/is stressful and I'm grateful everyone was here.
Thank you guys again for your help, this whole thing was/is stressful and I'm grateful everyone was here.
Original post by Anonymous
I apologise if it's a long post, I'll try to keep it as brief as I can. Basically, I'm living in a student house with a few housemates. I knew them from last year, and they are generally OK, except two of them are being physically inappropriate with me.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
One of them, who I'll call A, is a major culprit. If I sit down in the living room, he'll sit next to me and rub/stroke my thighs. He'll put his hand on my back and try to undo my bra. If he's not sitting next to me (and I am sitting down), he'll walk in front of me so his groin is right in front of my face. He's also tried to rub my neck/behind my ear to try to turn me on.
The second one, B, isn't as bad, but he slaps my bum, and when I'm washing the dishes in the kitchen, he'll stand behind and press against me so I can feel his penis.
On all of these occasions, I've said no and moved elsewhere, but they think it's a joke and continue. I talked to them about it, but A said I'm making it into a bigger issue than it really is. I've tried to isolate myself from them so they get the message, but it's hard to avoid them in the communal areas. The other housemates aren't really around and don't care. I know that there is no malicious intent behind all this but it's just making me really uneasy and uncomfortable. I don't want to tell my friends and family about it because they'll make a huge deal about it and overreact. I'm definitely not living with them next year but I'll have to wait until June because of the contract I've signed.
I just want this to stop. Do you guys have any advice for what to do? I don't want to report them in case it affects their career in the future. Thanks for reading and for any help.
You need to nip it in the bud now because if it went further it would compromise your legal defence.
Original post by Henry 8
You need to nip it in the bud now because if it went further it would compromise your legal defence.
I imagine the issue has been resolved by now..
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