sat here drinking - lonely and depressed.

I'm 25, never had a girlfriend or done anything with a girl.

I tried for 3 years to get this one girl to date me but she constantly rejected me. Now she's about to marry my former flatmate.

I went to counselling today at my postgraduate university, first session. It was okay I guess, just an initial assessment.

I've seen five couples today in and around the Nottingham trent university, holding hands and stuff.

Anyways now I'm sat here in my studio flat drinking WKD, beer and smirnoff. Don't know why I'm posting this tbh. Anyway.

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Reply 1

Awesome-o

WKD and Smirnoff? Is it 1998 again?

Reply 2

De Chirico

Keep drinking till you feel happy.

Reply 3

the bear

It is good that you are seeking counselling. You are still young enough to make a fresh start.

Reply 4

shawn_o1

Drinking ain't gonna solve anything. Not when you have a Master's or PhD to do. Get that, then a job, then you can think about your love life.

Reply 5

Seriously Plush

First off, if you're depressed then it will skew your perception, so take your thoughts with a pinch of salt atm. Get medical help if you think you are depressed.

Secondly, the drink isn't helping long term, but i understand it will give short term relief.

Thirdly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Self-respect is what you need buddy. If somebody rejects you, forget them. Why would they change their mind by asking them again?

Also don't compare yourself to other people.

If you work on being happy and sociable, relationships will happen as long as you're making the effort with women and taking the lead.

Also, get better taste in drink buddy - say a decent French red, or a bourbon. You're probably miserable because of what you're drinking :wink:

Reply 6

<3Music

Hi, okay I know it may seem like youre doomed, but drink isn't the answer!

I'm not going to lie there is a fair amount of people that have had partners way before the age of 25 but there are more people out there in a similar situation than you may think.

You need to take a step back and look at it with different eyes. Youre still relatively young, intelligent if youre doing a post grad course.. you need to believe in all your best atributes and just get out there. I know its easier said than done but ultimately thats all you can do.. just get out there. Set yourself a goal; next time you go to a coffee shop talk to a girl or something.

My boyfriend was 24 when we met and he was the same as you.. its not that uncommon. Just dont sit around in a drunk state of self pitty. Take your frustration and work on instead of dwelling on it.

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Reply 7

shawn_o1

Original post by <3Music

Set yourself a goal; next time you go to a coffee shop talk to a girl or something.

Posted from TSR Mobile

No. Don't do this. Unless you want to get embarrassed. Work and clubs are the only places to get to know people over time.

Reply 8

Guitarded

Original post by Anonymous

I'm 25, never had a girlfriend or done anything with a girl.

I tried for 3 years to get this one girl to date me but she constantly rejected me. Now she's about to marry my former flatmate.

I know this might not make you feel better right now, but it's advice that will definitely help you in the long run.

And that is, spread your wings buddy! I know she's probably the one you've always considered 'the one' who you can't imagine living without, but actually, I bet there are countless other girls out there who you'd be astounded by. Just gotta go out and find them. And to do that, you've got to sort your head out, get out there and talk to them, because it's not going to happen for you. You're responsible for your future. Make it happen.

Don't just talk to girls you think are hot. Talk to everyone. Talk to the old woman at Tesco. Talk to the guy who served you your alco-pops. Become a chatty person, a lively person that people want to get to know and hang out with. Not only will it make talking to girls easier, but it'll expand your social circle, and most importantly, it'll make you happier.

Believe me, you will face rejection - not just from girls, but you'll find some people just aren't in the mood to talk - but it'll be worth it in the long run when you find the girl of your dreams.

Now get out there, and make an ass out of yourself till the world loves you for it :wink:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Guitarded

What if you suffering from a speech impairment like I do?

Reply 10

Guitarded

Original post by shawn_o1

No. Don't do this. Unless you want to get embarrassed. Work and clubs are the only places to get to know people over time.

Bull****, don't be such a pessimist. Imagine yourself sitting in a coffee shop. Have you ever looked at that pretty looking girl and wished she'd come over and talk? I've no doubt there are plenty of women who wish some suave, confident guy would come over and talk to them too. Only thing is they want suave, confident guys, not creepy awkward guys.

And if he gets embarrassed, so what? It's all experience. Don't get me wrong, I realise that talking to strangers in a coffee shop isn't exactly the 'norm' but that doesn't mean people won't be thrilled by it if done right.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

Guitarded

Original post by Anonymous

What if you suffering from a speech impairment like I do?

If you're still confident and funny and act like it doesn't bother you in the slightest, people won't think anything of it, probably won't even notice it.

Reply 12

iEatMuFFiNS

Original post by Guitarded

What? this isn't an american TV show (this isn't' Friends). Hot single women don't just sit in a coffee shop alone waiting for guys to hit on them... :lolwut:

Reply 13

Frenspan14

Original post by shawn_o1

No. Don't do this. Unless you want to get embarrassed. Work and clubs are the only places to get to know people over time.

I wouldn't necessarily agree with that; I met my current boyfriend of 3 years just by chatting at a local pub. I was a 19 year old student and he was a 26 year old builder...total opposites, yet we're still here going strong!

To the OP, don't let your life be defined by women and what they think of you. Life is full of rejection, and if you think this is the biggest hurdle you're going to face in life, you're wrong.

Drinking won't solve your problems, but counselling is definitely a good idea as it sounds more like you have issues with your self-esteem and perhaps some co-dependency.

As for relationships, it seems a bit like you were a bit full-on with the girl and maybe should have realised after the first year of pursuing her that it wasn't going anywhere. Don't want to sound harsh but it's true.

In future, just keep it relaxed and let things happen organically. Don't put so much pressure on making what you want to happen, happen, because it sends people running in the opposite direction.

Reply 14

McMicheal

Original post by Anonymous

Maybe if you stopped drinking WKD you'd find a girlfriend.

Reply 15

cole-slaw

I tried for 3 years to get this one girl to date me but she constantly rejected me

Three years? Geez. Take a ****ing hint, bro. Move on.

Reply 16

<3Music

Original post by shawn_o1

No. Don't do this. Unless you want to get embarrassed. Work and clubs are the only places to get to know people over time.

I was using it as an example.. the main point was for him to set himself a goal to work towards. FYI its not that embarassing and weird.. I met my boyfriend that way.

Don't necessarily go up to her whilst she is sitting down and start talking random crap but if you're in the queue with her.. could always give her a smile or say hi. At the end of the day if it gets him out of his boozed fuel flat and out talking to girls does it really matter... progress is progress.

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(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 17

XMaramena

Original post by Anonymous

WKD? You don't happen to live in a council estate in east london and secretly be a 14 year old girl with 3 asbos do you?

Reply 18

Guitarded

Original post by iEatMuFFiNS

What? this isn't an american TV show (this isn't' Friends). Hot single women don't just sit in a coffee shop alone waiting for guys to hit on them... :lolwut:

I'm not saying people drink their coffee thinking "hmm I wonder if I'll get chatted up if I sit here", no, you're there because you want to drink coffee and relax I expect. But would you be against being approached if it were the right sort of person?