I feel so alone and so isolated. Please, I beg, give me some help?
Hello.
I really want to talk to someone, anyone who will listen so I thought I’d give it a go posting on here.
I’m currently studying my AS-Levels at an Independent Sixth Form where I used to go to secondary school. This is a bit of background info:
I was bullied badly (not really physically) in Primary School as one of my parents worked as a teaching assistant there and regularly told them off. That, as well as the fact I’d always concentrated on my work instead of mucking around, alienated me from my peers. So, as children regularly do, they did the only thing they knew how to do, they ridiculed me and bullied me to the point where one of them rifled through my bag of clothes whilst swimming one day and stole my underwear, screaming about it to the teacher and leaving me to cope.
My family is what I would describe as Working Class. My father left school with just one GCSE equviliant qualification and my Mother left with 6, by far the brightest in her large family. My Father came from a very, very rough family in London, my Mother just came from a very poor large one in London. They’ve both worked hard to get me where I am today, in a good education.
I was bullied throughout all my time in secondary school, avoiding plots created to get me expelled by nasty girls in my classes, it was a horrible time. The stress that it created, alongside the outright bullying by a teacher, culminated in me being diagnosed with ME. My immune system plummeted, I was practically always asleep, I lost interest in everything. Yet still, determined to work hard, I worked all through my GCSE years despite several teachers giving up on me and demanding I drop subjects; which I never did. GCSE results day came around, I went into school with my last friend and opened my results with them. I, unlike the majority of people there, didn’t fail a single subject and, despite the monumental amount of time off, achieved 4A*’s, 2A’s, 3B’s and a couple of C’s. I was so happy with this! However my best friend was angry that, despite having ME too, failed her 4 GCSEs apart from English Language. This caused a MASSIVE fallout and she said some very nasty things to me, thus leading me to lose my final friend as she went to college.
Although I love the freedom Sixth Form brings, I’m constantly crying at the moment. I’ve found it incredibly hard to make friends, most of the horrible people have left and some new people have joined, but I’m finding it very hard to make friends.
But here is the real problem that I need to talk about:
My teachers.
In one subject in one of the exams, I’ve had recently, I accidently spelt ceded wrong as seeded. This teacher made a joke about it in front of the whole class and laughed. I had typed (I used a laptop and can touch-type) 6 pages for this 45 minute exam, but it was a large font with double line spaces, just like my teacher had asked for. This same teacher then went on to call me a liar about how much I’d been capable of writing in that time in front of the whole class that then laughed. After the teacher had gone out of the room in the next lesson, I had sat next to two people who I was quite friendly with, I shared other classes with them at least. They said they didn’t want me there, I refused to move, so they physically lifted up my chair with me in it to get me away from them. Someone made a joke, everyone laughed and I joined in to as it was funny, and I was SCREAMED at to shut up laughing because my laughing is DISGUSTED, ANNOYING and I should never laugh because I am ridiculous. To which everyone agreed.
In my favourite subject, we had to build a model for a project, I’d just gone to finish homework, just like another girl had done, and had asked the group to text me when they texted her to meet. I got down there to find it had already been completed and with them laughing at me for having bothered coming down. The teacher was aware of this and knew I was quite upset as the whole thing had been mine idea. However, straight after this she shouts at me for giving her a bit of work with a coloured title (which I’ve been using as a colour code as that’s how I learn) that she wanted to put on display, and makes me go and print it off again. Later in the same class when the teacher had gone out of the room, one of the boys is translating a bit of work and reading out loud, everyone else starts joining in, so do I as it is helpful…and I get shouted out and told to shut up because I’m annoying everyone. So I do.
I’d asked, in my second favourite subject, my actual raw grade for my GCSE exam in that subject. I’d been told I’d achieved the highest in the year so I just wanted to know. The teacher responds with: “Why the hell do you want to know that? That is just stupid! Don’t bother” and walked off and started to talk to someone else. I never found out my grade.
Finally, in my least favourite subject, it is the smallest class of 5. 2 girls and 3 boys. All 3 boys have admitted that they are in love with this other girl, which doesn’t bother me, but whenever I’d say something she would be horrible and disagree with me, to which everyone would agree with her.
On top of this, I was in a drama group with my school and one of the directors, who isn’t a teacher there but the other director is, didn’t like me very much, he thought I was lazy when actually I was really ill. He wouldn’t let me join the cast of one of the school plays, when I was well, because he didn’t like me. I was the only one he didn’t cast and then was crying out for just one more actor to fill the final role. This dude then called me a Mole when he was telling us what he thinks of us. Everyone laughed. I asked what it meant, genuinely concerned, everyone laughed including my teacher. I’m self-conscious enough as it is and he has battered it down.
So, here I am sitting in my bedroom crying because I’m 17 in three weeks and I have NO ONE to hang out with. I’m constantly told to shut up and to stop laughing because its ugly, been called a mole, continuously laughed at, have a teacher who ridicules one spelling mistake and encourages the class to laugh at me before being called a liar, physically picked up and moved away from people because they don’t like me; all the while struggling with the fact that I know I’m on a 100% assisted place at this school, my parents are fighting, we have practically no money at all (the government think that, since my Dad has been made redundant from work and has been diagnosed with really bad Diabetes and depression, the government think it is ok for all four of us, including me grandmother who is 90 with Alzheimer’s, arithitis, bladder problems, seizures, diarrhoea seizures and a very nasty streak) to live on around £72 a week or so), my grandmother calls me Fat and a pig. I have not one friends and my teachers don’t like me.
Being laughed at, screamed at, being called a mole, fat and a pig, constantly being the person to be shouted at when my parents are constantly arguing is having its toll on me. I have no friends and I feel so, so so, alone. I have a metaphorical hole in my chest and I am constantly crying. I just don’t know what to do.
Do you think it is all in my head? Or am I being reasonable feeling this way? I feel so selfish and so self-indulgent. I just don’t know what to do.
Please help?
I really want to talk to someone, anyone who will listen so I thought I’d give it a go posting on here.
I’m currently studying my AS-Levels at an Independent Sixth Form where I used to go to secondary school. This is a bit of background info:
I was bullied badly (not really physically) in Primary School as one of my parents worked as a teaching assistant there and regularly told them off. That, as well as the fact I’d always concentrated on my work instead of mucking around, alienated me from my peers. So, as children regularly do, they did the only thing they knew how to do, they ridiculed me and bullied me to the point where one of them rifled through my bag of clothes whilst swimming one day and stole my underwear, screaming about it to the teacher and leaving me to cope.
My family is what I would describe as Working Class. My father left school with just one GCSE equviliant qualification and my Mother left with 6, by far the brightest in her large family. My Father came from a very, very rough family in London, my Mother just came from a very poor large one in London. They’ve both worked hard to get me where I am today, in a good education.
I was bullied throughout all my time in secondary school, avoiding plots created to get me expelled by nasty girls in my classes, it was a horrible time. The stress that it created, alongside the outright bullying by a teacher, culminated in me being diagnosed with ME. My immune system plummeted, I was practically always asleep, I lost interest in everything. Yet still, determined to work hard, I worked all through my GCSE years despite several teachers giving up on me and demanding I drop subjects; which I never did. GCSE results day came around, I went into school with my last friend and opened my results with them. I, unlike the majority of people there, didn’t fail a single subject and, despite the monumental amount of time off, achieved 4A*’s, 2A’s, 3B’s and a couple of C’s. I was so happy with this! However my best friend was angry that, despite having ME too, failed her 4 GCSEs apart from English Language. This caused a MASSIVE fallout and she said some very nasty things to me, thus leading me to lose my final friend as she went to college.
Although I love the freedom Sixth Form brings, I’m constantly crying at the moment. I’ve found it incredibly hard to make friends, most of the horrible people have left and some new people have joined, but I’m finding it very hard to make friends.
But here is the real problem that I need to talk about:
My teachers.
In one subject in one of the exams, I’ve had recently, I accidently spelt ceded wrong as seeded. This teacher made a joke about it in front of the whole class and laughed. I had typed (I used a laptop and can touch-type) 6 pages for this 45 minute exam, but it was a large font with double line spaces, just like my teacher had asked for. This same teacher then went on to call me a liar about how much I’d been capable of writing in that time in front of the whole class that then laughed. After the teacher had gone out of the room in the next lesson, I had sat next to two people who I was quite friendly with, I shared other classes with them at least. They said they didn’t want me there, I refused to move, so they physically lifted up my chair with me in it to get me away from them. Someone made a joke, everyone laughed and I joined in to as it was funny, and I was SCREAMED at to shut up laughing because my laughing is DISGUSTED, ANNOYING and I should never laugh because I am ridiculous. To which everyone agreed.
In my favourite subject, we had to build a model for a project, I’d just gone to finish homework, just like another girl had done, and had asked the group to text me when they texted her to meet. I got down there to find it had already been completed and with them laughing at me for having bothered coming down. The teacher was aware of this and knew I was quite upset as the whole thing had been mine idea. However, straight after this she shouts at me for giving her a bit of work with a coloured title (which I’ve been using as a colour code as that’s how I learn) that she wanted to put on display, and makes me go and print it off again. Later in the same class when the teacher had gone out of the room, one of the boys is translating a bit of work and reading out loud, everyone else starts joining in, so do I as it is helpful…and I get shouted out and told to shut up because I’m annoying everyone. So I do.
I’d asked, in my second favourite subject, my actual raw grade for my GCSE exam in that subject. I’d been told I’d achieved the highest in the year so I just wanted to know. The teacher responds with: “Why the hell do you want to know that? That is just stupid! Don’t bother” and walked off and started to talk to someone else. I never found out my grade.
Finally, in my least favourite subject, it is the smallest class of 5. 2 girls and 3 boys. All 3 boys have admitted that they are in love with this other girl, which doesn’t bother me, but whenever I’d say something she would be horrible and disagree with me, to which everyone would agree with her.
On top of this, I was in a drama group with my school and one of the directors, who isn’t a teacher there but the other director is, didn’t like me very much, he thought I was lazy when actually I was really ill. He wouldn’t let me join the cast of one of the school plays, when I was well, because he didn’t like me. I was the only one he didn’t cast and then was crying out for just one more actor to fill the final role. This dude then called me a Mole when he was telling us what he thinks of us. Everyone laughed. I asked what it meant, genuinely concerned, everyone laughed including my teacher. I’m self-conscious enough as it is and he has battered it down.
So, here I am sitting in my bedroom crying because I’m 17 in three weeks and I have NO ONE to hang out with. I’m constantly told to shut up and to stop laughing because its ugly, been called a mole, continuously laughed at, have a teacher who ridicules one spelling mistake and encourages the class to laugh at me before being called a liar, physically picked up and moved away from people because they don’t like me; all the while struggling with the fact that I know I’m on a 100% assisted place at this school, my parents are fighting, we have practically no money at all (the government think that, since my Dad has been made redundant from work and has been diagnosed with really bad Diabetes and depression, the government think it is ok for all four of us, including me grandmother who is 90 with Alzheimer’s, arithitis, bladder problems, seizures, diarrhoea seizures and a very nasty streak) to live on around £72 a week or so), my grandmother calls me Fat and a pig. I have not one friends and my teachers don’t like me.
Being laughed at, screamed at, being called a mole, fat and a pig, constantly being the person to be shouted at when my parents are constantly arguing is having its toll on me. I have no friends and I feel so, so so, alone. I have a metaphorical hole in my chest and I am constantly crying. I just don’t know what to do.
Do you think it is all in my head? Or am I being reasonable feeling this way? I feel so selfish and so self-indulgent. I just don’t know what to do.
Please help?
Hello anon,
I just wanted to say that you are completely justified in your feelings as anybody is. I think a solution my therapist taught me recently might help you.
Get a piece of paper and draw a line across it. On the top, label it with thinks over the past month or so that have made you feel negative emotions. On the bottom, label it with the things over the past month that have made you feel positive emotions. Then, when you're done, create a solution for each negative thing to deal with how you've been feeling in a sort of step-by-step way. Here's an example: (I'm not saying this is what you should do, just how to evaluate each issue)
My Teacher has been ridiculing me
1. Is this problem worth solving? Yes.
2. What can I do about it? Report it to an authority at school.
3. What will happen because of my actions? Teacher is likely to be reprimanded for their actions.
See? It's very easy when you de construct the issues that accumulate to your feelings.
Another great idea would be for you to simply Google things that may make you feel better when you're feeling down.
And as for those people being mean to you, they clearly do not deserve your time.
Good luck and I hope you feel happier soon,
Katie c:
I just wanted to say that you are completely justified in your feelings as anybody is. I think a solution my therapist taught me recently might help you.
Get a piece of paper and draw a line across it. On the top, label it with thinks over the past month or so that have made you feel negative emotions. On the bottom, label it with the things over the past month that have made you feel positive emotions. Then, when you're done, create a solution for each negative thing to deal with how you've been feeling in a sort of step-by-step way. Here's an example: (I'm not saying this is what you should do, just how to evaluate each issue)
My Teacher has been ridiculing me
1. Is this problem worth solving? Yes.
2. What can I do about it? Report it to an authority at school.
3. What will happen because of my actions? Teacher is likely to be reprimanded for their actions.
See? It's very easy when you de construct the issues that accumulate to your feelings.
Another great idea would be for you to simply Google things that may make you feel better when you're feeling down.
And as for those people being mean to you, they clearly do not deserve your time.
Good luck and I hope you feel happier soon,
Katie c:
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