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I'm losing all my friends :(

Going to man up and post this without anon.

I finished my degree last summer and my life has fallen apart since then really. All of my friendships are disappearing. Not one of the people who graduated this summer has bothered to keep in touch with me, even those I lived with for 3 years. We had a good group of friends but now it's like I never existed.

I am still living in my uni city with quite a few of my friends doing 4th years, but they all get along so well with each other and i'm just awkwardly in the middle. Some of them i've known since 2011 but it's still like talking to a stranger.

I've just taken a new job but i'm really worried there won't be anyone my own age there. I did have some really good friends from my old job but again, they just stopped bothering with me. I always seem to be a stop gap until people find someone better. I've never had a best friend or a girlfriend and I can't see that ever improving.

There's only 1 person who makes any effort with me, she's the only person who has text me in the past 2 weeks and the only person I really talk to. Whereas she's really close with her housemates and has a long term boyfriend, it's hard not to feel inferior. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she gives up on me like everyone else, I don't want to dump all my problems on her either.

I feel like utter **** seeing everyone else all loved up and happy, going out & enjoying themselves whilst i'm crying in my room, incredibly bored and wishing I had someone to talk to.

Not too sure how to start improving this dire situation.

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Friends are coming and going. I have experienced that in my life ever and ever again. And I can say that its not the worst thing.
Is it them not keeping in touch with you? Or you not bothering to keep in touch with them? I'd recommend making the extra effort to stay in contact otherwise you're just going to fall off the radar.

It might seem like you're being ditched but it's probably just a symptom of them actually being still at uni and having uni work and all the usual uni socialising stuff. I wouldn't take it too personally, it's not always easy to maintain contact with someone that's not in your life on a regular basis whilst you're simultaneously busy.

You're probably not being helped by the fact you've had nothing on your plate to keep your mind busy whilst they've got loads of new distractions for the year now.

I've barely spoken to many of my friends since coming out of uni but i've been constantly busy teaching myself new things to break into a new career path. I believe most of my friends are now busy with work as well, so it's not surprising we don't speak super often really.
Original post by sr90
Going to man up and post this without anon.

I finished my degree last summer and my life has fallen apart since then really. All of my friendships are disappearing. Not one of the people who graduated this summer has bothered to keep in touch with me, even those I lived with for 3 years. We had a good group of friends but now it's like I never existed.

I am still living in my uni city with quite a few of my friends doing 4th years, but they all get along so well with each other and i'm just awkwardly in the middle. Some of them i've known since 2011 but it's still like talking to a stranger.

I've just taken a new job but i'm really worried there won't be anyone my own age there. I did have some really good friends from my old job but again, they just stopped bothering with me. I always seem to be a stop gap until people find someone better. I've never had a best friend or a girlfriend and I can't see that ever improving.

There's only 1 person who makes any effort with me, she's the only person who has text me in the past 2 weeks and the only person I really talk to. Whereas she's really close with her housemates and has a long term boyfriend, it's hard not to feel inferior. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she gives up on me like everyone else, I don't want to dump all my problems on her either.

I feel like utter **** seeing everyone else all loved up and happy, going out & enjoying themselves whilst i'm crying in my room, incredibly bored and wishing I had someone to talk to.

Not too sure how to start improving this dire situation.


In some cases, those friends may feel the same way about you i.e. you don't bother enough. So I'd say make effort to catch up with those you were closest to during uni and perhaps they will also start making effort. It's good you still socialise with the fourth years, you needn't feel awkward just because you've graduated :smile: try get more involved with the conversations, and don't shy away from just arranging one to one lunch dates/catch ups with some of those fourth years as well. With my friend group, although we are OK as a group, I tend to catch up with them individually via text or lunch dates. That way when we do a group meet up, I know what is up with everyone and I don't have that awkward "I need to catch up with x, y and z today" thought on my mind. Not sure if this made any sense haha! Hope it did!
Reply 4
Avatar for Arkasia
Arkasia
19
Kudos to you for being brave enough to post this without anon. Mad respect, and as bad as your situation is, many people, myself included, go through exactly the same period. It's just a transitional period for you that will get better, I promise. In the same way that you moved on from primary school friends to secondary school friends to university friends, you will move on to work colleagues and friends.
Reply 5
Avatar for Tom_Ford
Tom_Ford
2
Man up and grab life by the neck mate. Stop giving a **** about what other people are thinking, do whatever you want to do.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 6
Avatar for 0le
0le
21
My mate was telling me a story about how this guy he knows in his 40s was telling him how he had so few friends because people from uni/ jobs just don't keep in touch with eachother as much as they should. They just move on and you can find yourself in a situation (perhaps moving house) where your number of close friends declines.

I'd say the good news for you is that you've got a new job and that in itself presents an opportunity to make some new friends. I'd also consider heeding the advice of others and perhaps making an extra effort if you aren't doing so already.
Original post by Nidhogg_Rider
Is it them not keeping in touch with you? Or you not bothering to keep in touch with them? I'd recommend making the extra effort to stay in contact otherwise you're just going to fall off the radar.

It might seem like you're being ditched but it's probably just a symptom of them actually being still at uni and having uni work and all the usual uni socialising stuff. I wouldn't take it too personally, it's not always easy to maintain contact with someone that's not in your life on a regular basis whilst you're simultaneously busy.

You're probably not being helped by the fact you've had nothing on your plate to keep your mind busy whilst they've got loads of new distractions for the year now.

I've barely spoken to many of my friends since coming out of uni but i've been constantly busy teaching myself new things to break into a new career path. I believe most of my friends are now busy with work as well, so it's not surprising we don't speak super often really.
yep make the extra effort...I mean personally I texted all potential mates during the summer for a meetup.most wouldnt turn up but some would so I had fun anyways...
just be open to invite people you arent necessarily that close to as well as approach newbies and try to go from there...
Original post by Kallisto
Friends are coming and going. I have experienced that in my life ever and ever again. And I can say that its not the worst thing.
yep its true.
Original post by sr90
Going to man up and post this without anon.

I finished my degree last summer and my life has fallen apart since then really. All of my friendships are disappearing. Not one of the people who graduated this summer has bothered to keep in touch with me, even those I lived with for 3 years. We had a good group of friends but now it's like I never existed.

I am still living in my uni city with quite a few of my friends doing 4th years, but they all get along so well with each other and i'm just awkwardly in the middle. Some of them i've known since 2011 but it's still like talking to a stranger.

I've just taken a new job but i'm really worried there won't be anyone my own age there. I did have some really good friends from my old job but again, they just stopped bothering with me. I always seem to be a stop gap until people find someone better. I've never had a best friend or a girlfriend and I can't see that ever improving.

There's only 1 person who makes any effort with me, she's the only person who has text me in the past 2 weeks and the only person I really talk to. Whereas she's really close with her housemates and has a long term boyfriend, it's hard not to feel inferior. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she gives up on me like everyone else, I don't want to dump all my problems on her either.

I feel like utter **** seeing everyone else all loved up and happy, going out & enjoying themselves whilst i'm crying in my room, incredibly bored and wishing I had someone to talk to.

Not too sure how to start improving this dire situation.



Original post by Tom_Ford
Man up and grab life by the neck mate. Stop giving a **** about what other people are thinking, do whatever you want to do.
exactly if yeh wana go out..go to cinema etc go alone! no one really can tell..you can always say theyre waiting in the bathroom especially in a city.use those meetup apps...join clubs/socities...put up a notice thing for a party at yours at your gym...try everything and anything! youll evetually have a decent amount of friends.

from there invite them all to do stuff.but go either way! its likely a few will show up and over time youll re get a decent amount of mates:smile: maybe even a good mate! I know the feeling though..

forever a lone wolf..but able to form a temporary pack when I want too.
Reply 8
Avatar for Tom_Ford
Tom_Ford
2
Original post by trustmeimlying1
yep make the extra effort...I mean personally I texted all potential mates during the summer for a meetup.most wouldnt turn up but some would so I had fun anyways...
just be open to invite people you arent necessarily that close to as well as approach newbies and try to go from there...
yep its true.



exactly if yeh wana go out..go to cinema etc go alone! no one really can tell..you can always say theyre waiting in the bathroom especially in a city.use those meetup apps...join clubs/socities...put up a notice thing for a party at yours at your gym...try everything and anything! youll evetually have a decent amount of friends.

from there invite them all to do stuff.but go either way! its likely a few will show up and over time youll re get a decent amount of mates:smile: maybe even a good mate! I know the feeling though..

forever a lone wolf..but able to form a temporary pack when I want too.


Be honest. You are there by yourself? So what? They can make their judgments all they want, I do whatever the hell I want.
Original post by Tom_Ford
Be honest. You are there by yourself? So what? They can make their judgments all they want, I do whatever the hell I want.
Hmm idk man. Im a pretty open individual. Im a cringeworthy individual at times. Often me being open has bite me in the ass. I think its best to not be too open to some people and leave potentially dodgy info for the close mates/family.

But yes I agree in some ways. The focus should be on doing what you want and being the person you are. really.

If he didn't agree at least he could appreciate the fact that he may well just be waiting for a mate for all everyone else in the club knows.
Original post by djpailo
My mate was telling me a story about how this guy he knows in his 40s was telling him how he had so few friends because people from uni/ jobs just don't keep in touch with eachother as much as they should. They just move on and you can find yourself in a situation (perhaps moving house) where your number of close friends declines.

I'd say the good news for you is that you've got a new job and that in itself presents an opportunity to make some new friends. I'd also consider heeding the advice of others and perhaps making an extra effort if you aren't doing so already.


Totally agree. Even I've observed that people actually dont keep in touch after Uni/ summer break. Youre not the only one, this happens to many people. I have friends who are in the year above and as they graduated they told me that they never see or speak to their Uni friends anymore. I thought it was strange at first until it became apparent that it's pretty common. People drift apart I guess. Life happens. Just don't get yourself down, keep your head up and o sour your day. You're at a new chapter in your life and you'll make new friends for sure. Oh, and don't moan 24/7 to that friend you mentioned, because nobody wants a constant Debby-downer as it'll be like listening to a broken record. Just interact with her and her friends, hang out with them and make connections.
Original post by Tom_Ford
Be honest. You are there by yourself? So what? They can make their judgments all they want, I do whatever the hell I want.


If only Jimmy had this problem.
If you feel you're losing all your friends, try harder to keep in contact with them. Ask why you have lost contact with them? Were you close to actually begin with e.g. I've made it upon myself to keep in contact with people the next few days. Like to call each one of my closer mates once a week.

I tend to find that the friends I have lost touch with I can always get back in touch and we're good enough to actually get in touch whenever. It's more likely me being the barrier to a good friendship than them. I tend to be a ghost when it suits.
Original post by jam277
If you feel you're losing all your friends, try harder to keep in contact with them. Ask why you have lost contact with them? Were you close to actually begin with e.g. I've made it upon myself to keep in contact with people the next few days. Like to call each one of my closer mates once a week.

I tend to find that the friends I have lost touch with I can always get back in touch and we're good enough to actually get in touch whenever. It's more likely me being the barrier to a good friendship than them. I tend to be a ghost when it suits.


Thing is that even when I do make an effort with someone, after a while they just stop bothering with me. Like they'll suddenly start taking days to reply, ignore any suggestions to do something and then we just stop talking altogether. If I didn't text them first everytime i'd probably never hear from them again.

I've never had a friend for more than a couple of years really. My life has been in a cycle where my friends just make new friends and move on, so I have to move away and start fresh. With college/uni it's always been really easy to meet people, now that's gone i'm a little worried.

Original post by SophiaLDN
Oh, and don't moan 24/7 to that friend you mentioned, because nobody wants a constant Debby-downer as it'll be like listening to a broken record. Just interact with her and her friends, hang out with them and make connections.


I haven't said a word about any of this and i'm not planning on changing that. Just trying my hardest not to seem clingy or irritating, i'm really paranoid that i'm just being annoying even though she obviously cares about me.
Original post by sr90
Going to man up and post this without anon.

I finished my degree last summer and my life has fallen apart since then really. All of my friendships are disappearing. Not one of the people who graduated this summer has bothered to keep in touch with me, even those I lived with for 3 years. We had a good group of friends but now it's like I never existed.

I am still living in my uni city with quite a few of my friends doing 4th years, but they all get along so well with each other and i'm just awkwardly in the middle. Some of them i've known since 2011 but it's still like talking to a stranger.

I've just taken a new job but i'm really worried there won't be anyone my own age there. I did have some really good friends from my old job but again, they just stopped bothering with me. I always seem to be a stop gap until people find someone better. I've never had a best friend or a girlfriend and I can't see that ever improving.

There's only 1 person who makes any effort with me, she's the only person who has text me in the past 2 weeks and the only person I really talk to. Whereas she's really close with her housemates and has a long term boyfriend, it's hard not to feel inferior. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she gives up on me like everyone else, I don't want to dump all my problems on her either.

I feel like utter **** seeing everyone else all loved up and happy, going out & enjoying themselves whilst i'm crying in my room, incredibly bored and wishing I had someone to talk to.

Not too sure how to start improving this dire situation.



QQ friends come and go, only the true ones will stick around.

Spoiler

Original post by Blue_Axolotl
QQ friends come and go, only the true ones will stick around.

Spoiler



Didn't mention United at all in my post, so who's dupe are you?
Original post by sr90
Didn't mention United at all in my post, so who's dupe are you?


Lmao baited. Guy could've checked post history tbf.
Original post by IceJJFish(II)
Lmao baited. Guy could've checked post history tbf.


Scary thing is, I found out his main account and it's not a football regular. Feels like I have a stalker :sad:
Hey Sr, wow I didn't know you see going through all this! Sorry to hear anyway. The advice that has been said above is all good advice so there's not much I could add. I know it's easy to assume but are you sure it's not all in your head? Is it possibly your mentality? I'm currently in a similar type of situation and I think it's because I over think things too much. Maybe your friends assume that you're busy with all your postgrad and job stuff going on. Why not go out more? To the pub or somewhere quite social and see whether you can meet some new people. Sometimes a positive attitude (very cliche I know) can change everything (not implying that you're negative) Why not put in even more effort and throw a sort of party/ get together, I don't know how achievable this may be but its worth a try.

Hope you feel better soon buddy :smile:
Original post by sr90
Scary thing is, I found out his main account and it's not a football regular. Feels like I have a stalker :sad:


:laugh:

On topic I can relate to you to an extent. I've started uni this year and I've lost contact with a lot of school friends, and don't seem to have clicked with many uni people. I mean I can talk to them, hang around with them etc. but the connection just isn't there you know? Feels like I'm in limbo with no real friends anymore, and there's not really much advice I can offer otherwise I would take it myself!


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