I am frightened of death in the sense that whilst I realise it's inevitable, I can't imagine it happening. The knowledge that one day I will die, my body will just shut down and that will be the end of me is something that I can't process. And that's before you get onto all the ideas about God and the afterlife and Judgement that we are all nominally indoctrinated with by virtue of being human. Trying not to sound too crazy, but sometimes when I hear that someone famous has died, I half-envy them - because once it's done, it's done, you can't die twice. All the fear and trepidation is over.
Yesterday I was reading an online article about the actor Kirk Douglas, who will be 98 in a couple of months, and I thought - if I was him, having reached such an age, I'd be panicking every morning that today might be "the day" that the computer just switches off, and the panic might build up so much in the end that I'd consider suicide just to regain some sense of control.
Yeah, my head is messed up.