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Curious: age differences and how people change as they age.

So I'm just curious as I have found my self changing from around 18-24

at 18 I had this rule about dating "no one older than 25" at 20 this rule still applied.

At 21 I met a man, and gorgeous smart and sexy man, I thought he was about 27 and tbh I was happy to break my 25 rule as I was infatuated with him. Then he told me he was 33 and for the proceeding few months I had an internal moral battle of whether it was okay for me to date him.... 12 years is a lot... I ended up being okay with it and 3 years later he's the love of my life and I look back and think the rules I had were just a bit silly.

I do wonder what would have happened if I had met him when I was 18 though. I definitely wouldn't have gone out with him and my family would have had a problem with it, but because I was in my 20's when I met him they didn't think anything of it.

So I guess my questions are:

Are age differences important to you?
If so what's the limit/rules?
Why are they important?
How old are you? ( if you don't mind saying)
And is there a point where the age no longer matters?

Just curious :smile:
(edited 9 years ago)

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I take into account age differences, I don't have any rules that I wouldn't break, but I find it unlikely I would date some too much older or younger than I am. Usually wouldn't date someone younger than 20, or older than 35, however as I said, I would make exceptions for someone I really liked. I am 25.
Reply 2
I do take into account age differences, and probably early 30s would be the oldest I'd go - I also wouldn't date anyone younger than me. (I don't think) Although I suppose if I met someone I clicked with I might overlook it..it just depends. I'm 22 and currently dating a guy who's 29.
Are age differences important to you?

In some ways, yes, and in others, no. It's much more about maturity and compatibility than actual numerical age for me, and being someone who tends to get on much better with people who are older than me than with people my age, it's less noticeable if we get along.

If so what's the limit/rules?

For me, I'm relatively lax in that my limit is merely "the same age as my parents". (Being involved in the kink scene, the lines between friends/relationships/play/sex can be a little unclear at times, so it covers all bases). Not that I would really consider a relationship with someone that much older than me, but equally, it gives me the freedom I want and also the ability to discount anyone I have no interest in!

Why are they important?

As mentioned above, it's more to do with maturity than numerical age, for me. And as I get along better with people older than me than those of my own age group, it matters very little (within reason) what another person's age is.

How old are you? ( if you don't mind saying)

19. My current partner is 28 (we met at 18/27 respectively).

And is there a point where the age no longer matters?

Presumably when you've found the person who's right for you, age irrespective.
Reply 4
Original post by clonedmemories
Are age differences important to you?

In some ways, yes, and in others, no. It's much more about maturity and compatibility than actual numerical age for me, and being someone who tends to get on much better with people who are older than me than with people my age, it's less noticeable if we get along.

If so what's the limit/rules?

For me, I'm relatively lax in that my limit is merely "the same age as my parents". (Being involved in the kink scene, the lines between friends/relationships/play/sex can be a little unclear at times, so it covers all bases). Not that I would really consider a relationship with someone that much older than me, but equally, it gives me the freedom I want and also the ability to discount anyone I have no interest in!

Why are they important?

As mentioned above, it's more to do with maturity than numerical age, for me. And as I get along better with people older than me than those of my own age group, it matters very little (within reason) what another person's age is.

How old are you? ( if you don't mind saying)

19. My current partner is 28 (we met at 18/27 respectively).

And is there a point where the age no longer matters?

Presumably when you've found the person who's right for you, age irrespective.


hey i'm part of the kink scene also :smile: in London, i definitely think that when you become part of that scene age becomes even less of a factor.

its very interesting though. since dating my partner who's 12 years my senior i just don't think any number is an issue but until i had my current relationship i was very strict with self and made myself think dating older men was morally wrong.

Glad im over it :smile:
Reply 5
I'm 27 and dating a 31 year old. Once you get to a certain level of maturity, age is almost meaningless. My friends now range from in their 50's to late teens.

Once you start working and you're not surrounded by people your age, you just start getting along with people you like, rather than people your age. This can impact on love life as well as social life.

Edit: Wait, no I'm 26.... Wishing my life away!!
I worry more about the mindset of a guy who looks for younger girls... Particularly one who would lie about his age. I'm 26 (soon) and I don't particularly have a cut off age anymore, but I can't imagine being attracted to a man over 35...by that age most guys either have an ex wife, or at least an ex long term girlfriend and maybe even a kid (and if they don't that would be a little weird tbh, a guy who has always been single at 35 seems like he has commitment issues). I prefer a guy my age, I've never been one to go after older guys.. In fact all my relationships have been with guys either the same age as me or younger.
Original post by Anonymous
hey i'm part of the kink scene also :smile: in London, i definitely think that when you become part of that scene age becomes even less of a factor.

its very interesting though. since dating my partner who's 12 years my senior i just don't think any number is an issue but until i had my current relationship i was very strict with self and made myself think dating older men was morally wrong.

Glad im over it :smile:


Cool! I have some very good friends on the London scene - I'm definitely planning to make it to a few events there when I can also! (My home town is not too far away)

I think with the boundaries of intimacy being so blurred in such a case, it tends to blur the age boundaries also. In a way, I'm very glad I never had a relationship until I joined the scene publicly, or else I may well have had the same mindset! But as it happened, I was lucky enough to join young and made friends with people all the way into their sixties, so I never really had the blinkers of age on in that respect.
Reply 8
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
I worry more about the mindset of a guy who looks for younger girls... Particularly one who would lie about his age. I'm 26 (soon) and I don't particularly have a cut off age anymore, but I can't imagine being attracted to a man over 35...by that age most guys either have an ex wife, or at least an ex long term girlfriend and maybe even a kid (and if they don't that would be a little weird tbh, a guy who has always been single at 35 seems like he has commitment issues). I prefer a guy my age, I've never been one to go after older guys.. In fact all my relationships have been with guys either the same age as me or younger.


who lied about his age?

what about men who don't want children?

what about men who got married just too quickly/young?
Reply 9
Original post by clonedmemories
Cool! I have some very good friends on the London scene - I'm definitely planning to make it to a few events there when I can also! (My home town is not too far away)

I think with the boundaries of intimacy being so blurred in such a case, it tends to blur the age boundaries also. In a way, I'm very glad I never had a relationship until I joined the scene publicly, or else I may well have had the same mindset! But as it happened, I was lucky enough to join young and made friends with people all the way into their sixties, so I never really had the blinkers of age on in that respect.


yeah its strange i have always had a kink relationship (he was a tiny bit younger than me) but wasn't on the scene until i was 21 and so still had the frame was still " date someone your own age only" then i got swept off my feet lol couldn't be happier though.

i'll pm you, we may already have some scene connections!
Original post by Anonymous
who lied about his age?

what about men who don't want children?

what about men who got married just too quickly/young?

Your guy said he was 27 when he was 33. If you have to lie to make it acceptable it's probably a bit weird.

I wouldn't be interested in a man who didn't want children.

I wouldn't be interested in a divorcee. Or someone who rushes into marriage.
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
Your guy said he was 27 when he was 33. If you have to lie to make it acceptable it's probably a bit weird.

I wouldn't be interested in a man who didn't want children.

I wouldn't be interested in a divorcee. Or someone who rushes into marriage.



lol he didn't lie! he asked me what age i thought he was i said 27 and he was like errm sorry im 33. And i didn't care.

what if someones been pressured into marriage or elopes? you're reducing the amount of men you cant date significantly particularly with your age. if it doesn't work out between you and your bf, and say you break up age 30, every other man around will have been married or had a long term partner etc.
Original post by Anonymous
lol he didn't lie! he asked me what age i thought he was i said 27 and he was like errm sorry im 33. And i didn't care.

what if someones been pressured into marriage or elopes? you're reducing the amount of men you cant date significantly particularly with your age. if it doesn't work out between you and your bf, and say you break up age 30, every other man around will have been married or had a long term partner etc.

Yes and by 30 I will have to lower my standards slightly. Why should I do so now? Even when I'm 30 I can still date guys between 28-32, so I don't see why that would even mean I was stuck with older guys who had been married and had kids.
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
Yes and by 30 I will have to lower my standards slightly. Why should I do so now? Even when I'm 30 I can still date guys between 28-32, so I don't see why that would even mean I was stuck with older guys who had been married and had kids.


you're quite the picky miss.

i dont think i'd be attracted to a guy thats younger than me.
When I was 16 I dated a few guys, not for very long. The youngest was 17 and the eldest was 24. At the time I don't think I would have gone much past 24 to be honest - maybe a year or two but I think I would have probably thought that we wouldn't have had a great deal in common if it was pushed much past that.

When I was 17 I met my husband. He was 24 when we met. We had a lot in common - okay I was in sixth form college, and he wasn't, but he knew a lot of students, and we had (and still have) similar interests and so on, so it was fine.

I'm 30 now and he's 37. We are very similar, and really, who would bat an eyelid at two people in their 30s being together? But some people thought it was odd when I was 17 and he was 24. To this day I'm not sure why. I wasn't particularly immature at 17 - I mean hell, I became a mother at 21, so I'm no stranger to being responsible from what today's society deems a "young" age.

I'm not even sure why people think late teens is young anyway. Like I said, it's today's society. Push the years back several decades, and people found it quite normal to get married at 18 and start a family soon after. It wasn't considered strange at all. Nowadays though you get people living with their parents all through their 20s, and even 30s in some cases, as though they were still teenagers.

You see it even with kids these days - tell someone you leave your 9 year old child at home for an hour unsupervised whilst you go shopping, and they look at you as though you're leaving a 2 month old baby. NEGLECT! OMG!
It's absolutely ridiculous.
Again, wind the clock back a generation-and-a-half, and a child of 9 was letting themselves in after school with their own key whilst their parents worked, and cooking their own damned dinner!
My own parents left school at 15 and went to work. Why? Because that's what was normal.

I hear it too often - "I'd never leave my "child" alone overnight until they're 18". "I'd never let my 7 year old play outside the house unsupervised." etc. etc. It's the helicopter parenting that seems so prevalent these days, and in turn that's filtering down into the younger generations, who now feel themselves that they're still children when they're in their 20s.

It's completely bonkers.

I treat my children the way my generation was treated. At 8 my mother would go to work part-time and leave me at home for up to 3 hours unsupervised. At 11 I was allowed to take the bus with friends and go to town (20 minutes bus ride away).
Ya know what? So were TONS of other people in my year at school.
At 13 I was babysitting other peoples kids, in their own home, and yes I was totally in charge all by myself. At 16 I was dating a 24 year old. At 17 I was engaged. At 21 I was married and had a baby.
And guess what? That's not weird.
What's weird is the way people mollycoddle and helicopter parent all the damned time these days. What's weird is how people think a 16 year old and a 23/24 year old have nothing in common, because a 16 year old is "soooooo young", they're "still a child". Good God. Maybe that's true because people TREAT them that way!

/epic rant
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
you're quite the picky miss.

i dont think i'd be attracted to a guy thats younger than me.


Well you're a picky miss too then!
Original post by LavenderBlueSky88
Well you're a picky miss too then!



i dont think i'd be attracted , i have no idea really i wouldnt rule them out tho!
Original post by clonedmemories

For me, I'm relatively lax in that my limit is merely "the same age as my parents". (Being involved in the kink scene, the lines between friends/relationships/play/sex can be a little unclear at times, so it covers all bases). Not that I would really consider a relationship with someone that much older than me, but equally, it gives me the freedom I want and also the ability to discount anyone I have no interest in!


What is the kink scene? Is this like bdsm or something ?
Original post by PinkMobilePhone
When I was 16 I dated a few guys, not for very long. The youngest was 17 and the eldest was 24. At the time I don't think I would have gone much past 24 to be honest - maybe a year or two but I think I would have probably thought that we wouldn't have had a great deal in common if it was pushed much past that.

When I was 17 I met my husband. He was 24 when we met. We had a lot in common - okay I was in sixth form college, and he wasn't, but he knew a lot of students, and we had (and still have) similar interests and so on, so it was fine.

I'm 30 now and he's 37. We are very similar, and really, who would bat an eyelid at two people in their 30s being together? But some people thought it was odd when I was 17 and he was 24. To this day I'm not sure why. I wasn't particularly immature at 17 - I mean hell, I became a mother at 21, so I'm no stranger to being responsible from what today's society deems a "young" age.

I'm not even sure why people think late teens is young anyway. Like I said, it's today's society. Push the years back several decades, and people found it quite normal to get married at 18 and start a family soon after. It wasn't considered strange at all. Nowadays though you get people living with their parents all through their 20s, and even 30s in some cases, as though they were still teenagers.

You see it even with kids these days - tell someone you leave your 9 year old child at home for an hour unsupervised whilst you go shopping, and they look at you as though you're leaving a 2 month old baby. NEGLECT! OMG!
It's absolutely ridiculous.
Again, wind the clock back a generation-and-a-half, and a child of 9 was letting themselves in after school with their own key whilst their parents worked, and cooking their own damned dinner!
My own parents left school at 15 and went to work. Why? Because that's what was normal.

I hear it too often - "I'd never leave my "child" alone overnight until they're 18". "I'd never let my 7 year old play outside the house unsupervised." etc. etc. It's the helicopter parenting that seems so prevalent these days, and in turn that's filtering down into the younger generations, who now feel themselves that they're still children when they're in their 20s.

It's completely bonkers.

I treat my children the way my generation was treated. At 8 my mother would go to work part-time and leave me at home for up to 3 hours unsupervised. At 11 I was allowed to take the bus with friends and go to town (20 minutes bus ride away).
Ya know what? So were TONS of other people in my year at school.
At 13 I was babysitting other peoples kids, in their own home, and yes I was totally in charge all by myself. At 16 I was dating a 24 year old. At 17 I was engaged. At 21 I was married and had a baby.
And guess what? That's not weird.
What's weird is the way people mollycoddle and helicopter parent all the damned time these days. What's weird is how people think a 16 year old and a 23/24 year old have nothing in common, because a 16 year old is "soooooo young", they're "still a child". Good God. Maybe that's true because people TREAT them that way!

/epic rant


wow this is quite the post!

im glad it worked out for you :smile: and as you're probably aware i have no problem with age gaps, i probably would have aged 18 but more because i felt immature and my parents were very controlling.

as for having a baby at 21, good for you, however society IS different now and lots of people have other goals they wanna fulfill before becoming a parent, which also isn't weird, eg i want ALL the degrees in the world, until that happens i will not have a baby, this is not weird either.

its great we have the ability to make a choice thats right for us :smile: you wanted a baby and marriage young, i want the career first, marriage perhaps after that and perhaps a baby after that.

as for leaving children, i agree everyone's a little protective these days, its a tad weird. however i guess again that depends on the area in which you live, i lived in the middle of the countryside so it was safe, if i had been brought up in london, i think my mum would have parented differently.
Original post by DorianGrayism
What is the kink scene? Is this like bdsm or something ?


yes. its a community of people who like alternative lifestyles

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