I cheated on my boyfriend, please help
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Original post by Inazuma
Why you so mad at girls? I've never seen a guy not do this either.
I'm not mad at girls at all, it's just in my experience I've seen more of this from women than I have men.
Original post by Inazuma
People also have different morals - and so those justifications depend upon those person's morals too.
Okay, fair enough about people having different morals but that doesn't mean it's fine to do it. If someone's morals justified them killing someone does that make their actions right? Absolutely not...
In your own morals then do you see this as just?
Original post by Inazuma
Alcohol also affects people differently, especially if there are mitigating factors.
Then it's simple, one should know their limits and avoid cases where lack of control is a possibility. In her scenario it is pretty clear she had a 'thing' for this other guy and the chance came and boom surprise surprise...
Original post by Inazuma
Unless you'd also like to claim that woman are way too good at justifying themselves in the courtroom and boardroom so overall careerwise we must be superior 
hence why we don't question women logic
he deserve to know the truth so that he can know the whole situation and make his decision. its not up to you to decide weather tell him the truth or not to protect his feelings now. your consideration was much more needed when you duncing kissing sleeping with the guy.
From the way you told the story it sounds like you are justifying your behaviours trying to blame it on others. what done is done now you should tell him the true. because its the basic respect
Posted from TSR Mobile
From the way you told the story it sounds like you are justifying your behaviours trying to blame it on others. what done is done now you should tell him the true. because its the basic respect
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by WeedCanKill
Typical woman logic, trying to justify her disgusting behaviour, blaming it on everyone but the one who is responsible. Herself.
It's only fair you tell him and let him find a girl to sleep with.
It's only fair you tell him and let him find a girl to sleep with.
This. There's no excuse OP and you know it.
Original post by a10
Yeah I agree it is human, but why do most girls abuse this and start blaming everything else but themselves just like she is doing. Alcohol doesn't make you have sex with someone, it is simply a choice you make and she obviously feels stupid now having made that choice.
I would like to note that I am not blaming anyone but myself I was simply wanting some advise from people who had preferably been in that situation themselves and maybe thought I should have never said it or maybe said it sooner. Also the comment about alcohol is incredibly wrong people once they have the beer googles on make ridiculous decisions on the fact they are drunk alone
Original post by a10
I'm not mad at girls at all, it's just in my experience I've seen more of this from women than I have men.
But does one person's experience make it a fact? :O
Okay, fair enough about people having different morals but that doesn't mean it's fine to do it. If someone's morals justified them killing someone does that make their actions right? Absolutely not...
In your own morals then do you see this as just?
In your own morals then do you see this as just?
Well, thinking of morals as having a hierachy - there are accepted 'natural' laws like not killing. Whereas not cheating is not such - look at countries that allow polygamy, multiple marriages etc. Hence why I'd differentiate the two.
My morals generally say don't judge because I never know what I'd do in their case. It's easy with hindsight and a clear mind to look at it and judge it, but when you're in that situation things are a lot less clear. Not right, but potentially justifiable to some extent.
Then it's simple, one should know their limits and avoid cases where lack of control is a possibility. In her scenario it is pretty clear she had a 'thing' for this other guy and the chance came and boom surprise surprise...
It's true in general, but situations can change. For one, alcohol emphasises those kinds of fears. Plus, alcohol tolerance can change esp. if one goes to uni and hasn't drunk much before.
E.g. I never once blacked out while drinking - a couple of weeks ago it happened for the first time for a while - not for want of trying to prevent.
I think personally when these kinds of issues happen - thinking of imminent break up, you do tend to look around you. In a similar way to how a guy may check out other girls, women may just check out other guys more 'emotionally'.
I do think it would have been best to remove herself from the situation, but again that doesn't take into account the benefit of hindsight.
hence why we don't question women logic
Women are always right ofc
I would like to say how right everyone was on this post I have read your comments and I won't lie I felt and thought every comment. I did tell him as I am not a sadistic person although this weekend I have clearly been a self fish one! Just for anyone who does ever see this post I would like them to know you should tell them and he was not angry he was up set but we do care about each other and we want to sort this out, so I am giving him the space he wants then I will go down and see him.
I was not blaming any one else either I just think when something like this happens it isn't just I thought today I'll be a player and the main reason to come to a forum not so I got told to keep it secret would be okay if I wanted to hear that I would be sat in a circle with my closest friends letting them tell me that. I wanted honest advise from people who may have been through it.
Abbey
I was not blaming any one else either I just think when something like this happens it isn't just I thought today I'll be a player and the main reason to come to a forum not so I got told to keep it secret would be okay if I wanted to hear that I would be sat in a circle with my closest friends letting them tell me that. I wanted honest advise from people who may have been through it.
Abbey
Original post by Inazuma
But does one person's experience make it a fact? :O
nope but makes it more probable..
Original post by Inazuma
My morals generally say don't judge because I never know what I'd do in their case.
My morals generally say don't judge because I never know what I'd do in their case.
Hmm I see your point but I don't believe you...I bet given some situation you would be doing the exact opposite of what you're telling me now (aka we all know you would judge at some point) so this part of the argument is invalid
Original post by Inazuma
It's true in general, but situations can change. For one, alcohol emphasises those kinds of fears. Plus, alcohol tolerance can change esp. if one goes to uni and hasn't drunk much before.
E.g. I never once blacked out while drinking - a couple of weeks ago it happened for the first time for a while - not for want of trying to prevent.
E.g. I never once blacked out while drinking - a couple of weeks ago it happened for the first time for a while - not for want of trying to prevent.
I agree although in your case it's more of a one off type thing that it happened but I'm pretty sure a lady like yourself knows her own limits. Humans know the consequences to different actions so the fact that she drank way over her limits means she chose to do it hence now she should take responsibility for what she has done
Original post by Inazuma
Women are always right ofc
Of course, always..
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by a10
nope but makes it more probable..
Hmm I see your point but I don't believe you...I bet given some situation you would be doing the exact opposite of what you're telling me now (aka we all know you would judge at some point) so this part of the argument is invalid
Hmm I see your point but I don't believe you...I bet given some situation you would be doing the exact opposite of what you're telling me now (aka we all know you would judge at some point) so this part of the argument is invalid
Oh I know, I judge people's outfits alllll the time >
And people's attitudes / annoyingnessBut /generally/ I don't judge people's relationships. I have really weird morals so.
I agree although in your case it's more of a one off type thing that it happened but I'm pretty sure a lady like yourself knows her own limits. Humans know the consequences to different actions so the fact that she drank way over her limits means she chose to do it hence now she should take responsibility for what she has done
Ah ofc I agree she should take responsibility, but my main point is there are factors - I shall explain below
Of course, always..
Basically - being the nutty law student I am, I'm kind of seeing this like a law case.
So is she guilty of cheating? Yes - undeniably she is guilty of that.
An excuse in court would be the kind of thing that gets people off the charge itself. She is therefore not making an 'excuse' -
However courts also decide what sentences people are given - and this is my point. This is where judges take into account these factors, and these things OP is talking about are not 'excuses' but are part of the matrix surrounding the decisions taken.
So - OP has some factors that make her less culpable and so she has a 'chance' of parole etc. with her BF. However more extreme cheaters (those with no justifications) are the ones who get life sentences - and should probably not be given that second chance.
That probably is the best I can explain what I mean
(I'm only a little insane... promise.)
Original post by Anonymous
I would like to say how right everyone was on this post I have read your comments and I won't lie I felt and thought every comment. I did tell him as I am not a sadistic person although this weekend I have clearly been a self fish one! Just for anyone who does ever see this post I would like them to know you should tell them and he was not angry he was up set but we do care about each other and we want to sort this out, so I am giving him the space he wants then I will go down and see him.
I was not blaming any one else either I just think when something like this happens it isn't just I thought today I'll be a player and the main reason to come to a forum not so I got told to keep it secret would be okay if I wanted to hear that I would be sat in a circle with my closest friends letting them tell me that. I wanted honest advise from people who may have been through it.
Abbey
I was not blaming any one else either I just think when something like this happens it isn't just I thought today I'll be a player and the main reason to come to a forum not so I got told to keep it secret would be okay if I wanted to hear that I would be sat in a circle with my closest friends letting them tell me that. I wanted honest advise from people who may have been through it.
Abbey
Glad you told him. GL to both of you
Original post by Inazuma
Oh I know, I judge people's outfits alllll the time > And people's attitudes / annoyingness
And people's attitudes / annoyingnessSame lol.
Original post by Inazuma
Basically - being the nutty law student I am, I'm kind of seeing this like a law case.
So is she guilty of cheating? Yes - undeniably she is guilty of that.
An excuse in court would be the kind of thing that gets people off the charge itself. She is therefore not making an 'excuse' -
However courts also decide what sentences people are given - and this is my point. This is where judges take into account these factors, and these things OP is talking about are not 'excuses' but are part of the matrix surrounding the decisions taken.
So - OP has some factors that make her less culpable and so she has a 'chance' of parole etc. with her BF. However more extreme cheaters (those with no justifications) are the ones who get life sentences - and should probably not be given that second chance.
That probably is the best I can explain what I mean
(I'm only a little insane... promise.)
Basically - being the nutty law student I am, I'm kind of seeing this like a law case.
So is she guilty of cheating? Yes - undeniably she is guilty of that.
An excuse in court would be the kind of thing that gets people off the charge itself. She is therefore not making an 'excuse' -
However courts also decide what sentences people are given - and this is my point. This is where judges take into account these factors, and these things OP is talking about are not 'excuses' but are part of the matrix surrounding the decisions taken.
So - OP has some factors that make her less culpable and so she has a 'chance' of parole etc. with her BF. However more extreme cheaters (those with no justifications) are the ones who get life sentences - and should probably not be given that second chance.
That probably is the best I can explain what I mean
(I'm only a little insane... promise.)
Hahahaha brilliant
! You are a nutty law student but that's not a bad thing You would make a good lawyer! I take it you've seen the Pistorius case then? (I've been following most of it from start to finish ....ermm this is a bit out of topic sorry mods I'll stop
)(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by a10
Same lol.
Hahahaha brilliant! You are a nutty law student but that's not a bad thing
You would make a good lawyer! I take it you've seen the Pistorius case then? (I've been following most of it from start to finish ....ermm this is a bit out of topic sorry mods I'll stop)
Hahahaha brilliant
! You are a nutty law student but that's not a bad thing You would make a good lawyer! I take it you've seen the Pistorius case then? (I've been following most of it from start to finish ....ermm this is a bit out of topic sorry mods I'll stop
)I have, it's so confusing I stay out of it too much though. Just like the Foxy Knoxy case and stuff. Too much confuzzlement.
And back to topic... OP / BF GL
Original post by Inazuma
I have, it's so confusing I stay out of it too much though. Just like the Foxy Knoxy case and stuff. Too much confuzzlement.
And back to topic... OP / BF GL
And back to topic... OP / BF GL
shouldn't have gotten out of his sentence
jus sayin...it's been a lovely debate Ms EEEEnnnaaa-ZUUUMA I shall see you in court
Original post by Inazuma
Oh I know, I judge people's outfits alllll the time > And people's attitudes / annoyingness
But /generally/ I don't judge people's relationships. I have really weird morals so.
Ah ofc I agree she should take responsibility, but my main point is there are factors - I shall explain below
Basically - being the nutty law student I am, I'm kind of seeing this like a law case.
So is she guilty of cheating? Yes - undeniably she is guilty of that.
An excuse in court would be the kind of thing that gets people off the charge itself. She is therefore not making an 'excuse' -
However courts also decide what sentences people are given - and this is my point. This is where judges take into account these factors, and these things OP is talking about are not 'excuses' but are part of the matrix surrounding the decisions taken.
So - OP has some factors that make her less culpable and so she has a 'chance' of parole etc. with her BF. However more extreme cheaters (those with no justifications) are the ones who get life sentences - and should probably not be given that second chance.
That probably is the best I can explain what I mean
(I'm only a little insane... promise.)
And people's attitudes / annoyingnessBut /generally/ I don't judge people's relationships. I have really weird morals so.
Ah ofc I agree she should take responsibility, but my main point is there are factors - I shall explain below
Basically - being the nutty law student I am, I'm kind of seeing this like a law case.
So is she guilty of cheating? Yes - undeniably she is guilty of that.
An excuse in court would be the kind of thing that gets people off the charge itself. She is therefore not making an 'excuse' -
However courts also decide what sentences people are given - and this is my point. This is where judges take into account these factors, and these things OP is talking about are not 'excuses' but are part of the matrix surrounding the decisions taken.
So - OP has some factors that make her less culpable and so she has a 'chance' of parole etc. with her BF. However more extreme cheaters (those with no justifications) are the ones who get life sentences - and should probably not be given that second chance.
That probably is the best I can explain what I mean
(I'm only a little insane... promise.)
Except, in a court of law you tend to have a prosecution and a defence. We only really have the defence - one side of the story, instead of two perspectives of the extenuating circumstances. On the one side of the story, the boyfriend is distant and the difficulties are as reported by the guilty party but that doesn't mean it's the truth and/or reality.
This is where the similarity between a law case and one-sided account of cheating by the accused becomes dissimilar after all.
Original post by a10
shouldn't have gotten out of his sentence jus sayin...
it's been a lovely debate Ms EEEEnnnaaa-ZUUUMA I shall see you in court
jus sayin...it's been a lovely debate Ms EEEEnnnaaa-ZUUUMA I shall see you in court
Haha it has indeed. See you around!
Original post by rsdntbplr
Except, in a court of law you tend to have a prosecution and a defence. We only really have the defence - one side of the story, instead of two perspectives of the extenuating circumstances. On the one side of the story, the boyfriend is distant and the difficulties are as reported by the guilty party but that doesn't mean it's the truth and/or reality.
This is where the similarity between a law case and one-sided account of cheating by the accused becomes dissimilar after all.
This is where the similarity between a law case and one-sided account of cheating by the accused becomes dissimilar after all.
True true, but I'm just going off what we are hearing as it's all we're getting here. Getting both sides would be great! but failing that, this is what I'm going with.
Also you're assuming a court is equal - whereas sometimes it is one-sided.
Anyway, I just thought it was a good way of considering other factors - obviously if we had both sides it would be better but it all still goes to the facts.
And I've been there in that situation where one 'knows' they are going to break up with you and I can honestly say I was literally insane for that time..
[deleted]
(edited 5 years ago)
Saying its only human etc that we justify our mistakes is bull**** because most of us know for a fact if a boy cheats he is summined to hell and forced he dragged through it all and more and face guilt and grief from her and all her friends because of how terrible he has been.
Then theres the reaction if a girl cheats. Ohh its only human we justify it. Bullsh*t because if a boy tried to justify we all know how deep in trouble once again he would be. No licking his ass and saying we make mistakes blah blah.
I was cheated on by a girl while on holiday after 2 weeks. Wanna know how i found out? My cousin who is also a friend had to text me. Then i tried sorting it and she was like "i dont think this will work" and that was it. No apology, no remorse, no care towards how i felt.
Little did i know that the break up paired with stress of first year of a levels would cause me depression, though i was never diagnosed because NOBODY believed me. I told people how upset i was over this.. And people found it FUNNY.
I dont quite know my motive of this comment but I hope whats best for both of you occurs. It just seems sometimes its only fair that both instances are treat with the same morals and are looked upon in the same way.
Oh and i stopped talking to a girl cos i said once 'why has a girl messaged me who i used to talk to' on a date and frowned. She was mad at me and her mates thought i was a d*ck blah blah when she says all this a pic of her and a boy at a party is her screensaver when we previously had each other? Oh and 'that was different' and 'we arent like that' it doesnt matter. She is still as guilty, not that i did wrong!!
Sorry for this. I just think from my experiences girls are bullsh*t and not worthy of barely any of my time.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Then theres the reaction if a girl cheats. Ohh its only human we justify it. Bullsh*t because if a boy tried to justify we all know how deep in trouble once again he would be. No licking his ass and saying we make mistakes blah blah.
I was cheated on by a girl while on holiday after 2 weeks. Wanna know how i found out? My cousin who is also a friend had to text me. Then i tried sorting it and she was like "i dont think this will work" and that was it. No apology, no remorse, no care towards how i felt.
Little did i know that the break up paired with stress of first year of a levels would cause me depression, though i was never diagnosed because NOBODY believed me. I told people how upset i was over this.. And people found it FUNNY.
I dont quite know my motive of this comment but I hope whats best for both of you occurs. It just seems sometimes its only fair that both instances are treat with the same morals and are looked upon in the same way.
Oh and i stopped talking to a girl cos i said once 'why has a girl messaged me who i used to talk to' on a date and frowned. She was mad at me and her mates thought i was a d*ck blah blah when she says all this a pic of her and a boy at a party is her screensaver when we previously had each other? Oh and 'that was different' and 'we arent like that' it doesnt matter. She is still as guilty, not that i did wrong!!
Sorry for this. I just think from my experiences girls are bullsh*t and not worthy of barely any of my time.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Inazuma
Glad you told him. GL to both of you
Princess, it must be a TSR past time to argue with you
. They just can't handle your informative opinion or your eclectic personality.(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Inazuma
Haha it has indeed. See you around!
True true, but I'm just going off what we are hearing as it's all we're getting here. Getting both sides would be great! but failing that, this is what I'm going with.
Also you're assuming a court is equal - whereas sometimes it is one-sided.
Anyway, I just thought it was a good way of considering other factors - obviously if we had both sides it would be better but it all still goes to the facts.
And I've been there in that situation where one 'knows' they are going to break up with you and I can honestly say I was literally insane for that time..
True true, but I'm just going off what we are hearing as it's all we're getting here. Getting both sides would be great! but failing that, this is what I'm going with.
Also you're assuming a court is equal - whereas sometimes it is one-sided.
Anyway, I just thought it was a good way of considering other factors - obviously if we had both sides it would be better but it all still goes to the facts.
And I've been there in that situation where one 'knows' they are going to break up with you and I can honestly say I was literally insane for that time..
Someone that respects the opinions of others. Bravo!
Original post by SloaneRanger
Princess, it must be a TSR past time to argue with you . They just can't handle your informative opinion or your eclectic personality.
. They just can't handle your informative opinion or your eclectic personality.Oh no everyone in here is being lovely. Nice to have a fun debate!
Original post by rsdntbplr
Someone that respects the opinions of others. Bravo!
And vice versa
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