Sister problems
Just a bit of background first.
I'm a 17 year old guy, my sister is 16 and my brother is 14. My family are Muslims, (but not strict, we do have freedoms, but we adhere to the principles (at least most of us)). Both my parents are really nice people, who I love to bits, and they are now getting extremely stressed out because of her behaviour. Both my parents have jobs, and are really busy.
Here's the deal.
My sister is just being a complete bitch.
Her argument is that my parents beat her when she was younger, and didn't provide emotional support.
The actual fact is that my mum used to hit from time to time whenever she was disrespectful (insults, swearing, etc...), and my father only once.
Once, she came home late because she went to the park with her friends. My parents were extremely worried, and were really annoyed when she couldn't be bothered to explain and was acting really disrespectfully. They didn't hit her at all though, but did tell her to ask them first.
Before this, my parents had put her into Quran reading lessons, which she was happy to attend because she didn't want to read from my gran (who she was disrespectful towards also). One day, she didn't come home on time, so my parents called the lady who did the lessons to ask whether she was still there. She said that she hadn't turned up at all. They then called my sister (who had gone to meet friends) and were really pissed, and explained to her the dangers and stuff. Still, they didn't hit her.
So one day my sister said that she was leaving to go to her Quran lessons. But that day, my dad came home early. As he was coming home, he saw my sister walking down from the road opposite the lessons place. He spotted her, and was furious, and locked her out.
My dad then found out that she had been having boyfriends for a while (it's not allowed, so it doesn't matter what you say to justify it, my parents had already made the rules pretty clear). That day he slapped her and messed her room up because he was so pissed.
She was also depressed and was cutting. When my parents found out, they were distraught and started trying to help her with everything. She also tried to commit suicide, and so my parents hired a psychiatrist to help her and went to doctors and stuff. Yet she still says they neglected her...
This is all before she's 15 btw.
Fast forward to now, and my parents barely stand against her in anything. She has a boyfriend, which she loves rubbing in our faces because she knows she is breaking the rules. She also wants to let him stay over, which my mum is against. She also made it clear she doesn't believe in Islam (which isn't as serious as you may think, but it really depressing for my parents, but they just accept it now). She also rubs this in, making it even more annoying. They still support her financially. Her main problem is with my mum, who she is constantly arguing with.
She's absolutely drained my parents. My dad has a host of medical conditions now, like diabetes. My mum is always tired and although she doesn't show it, I'm sure she's really distraught about everything that's happened.
I just want my parents to be happy. I don't even care about my sister, only her affect on my parents.
She's threatening to call social services? If they are called, what will happen? Me and my brother wont be affected will we? And will my parents have it put on their record?
**** my sister.
I'm a 17 year old guy, my sister is 16 and my brother is 14. My family are Muslims, (but not strict, we do have freedoms, but we adhere to the principles (at least most of us)). Both my parents are really nice people, who I love to bits, and they are now getting extremely stressed out because of her behaviour. Both my parents have jobs, and are really busy.
Here's the deal.
My sister is just being a complete bitch.
Her argument is that my parents beat her when she was younger, and didn't provide emotional support.
The actual fact is that my mum used to hit from time to time whenever she was disrespectful (insults, swearing, etc...), and my father only once.
Once, she came home late because she went to the park with her friends. My parents were extremely worried, and were really annoyed when she couldn't be bothered to explain and was acting really disrespectfully. They didn't hit her at all though, but did tell her to ask them first.
Before this, my parents had put her into Quran reading lessons, which she was happy to attend because she didn't want to read from my gran (who she was disrespectful towards also). One day, she didn't come home on time, so my parents called the lady who did the lessons to ask whether she was still there. She said that she hadn't turned up at all. They then called my sister (who had gone to meet friends) and were really pissed, and explained to her the dangers and stuff. Still, they didn't hit her.
So one day my sister said that she was leaving to go to her Quran lessons. But that day, my dad came home early. As he was coming home, he saw my sister walking down from the road opposite the lessons place. He spotted her, and was furious, and locked her out.
My dad then found out that she had been having boyfriends for a while (it's not allowed, so it doesn't matter what you say to justify it, my parents had already made the rules pretty clear). That day he slapped her and messed her room up because he was so pissed.
She was also depressed and was cutting. When my parents found out, they were distraught and started trying to help her with everything. She also tried to commit suicide, and so my parents hired a psychiatrist to help her and went to doctors and stuff. Yet she still says they neglected her...
This is all before she's 15 btw.
Fast forward to now, and my parents barely stand against her in anything. She has a boyfriend, which she loves rubbing in our faces because she knows she is breaking the rules. She also wants to let him stay over, which my mum is against. She also made it clear she doesn't believe in Islam (which isn't as serious as you may think, but it really depressing for my parents, but they just accept it now). She also rubs this in, making it even more annoying. They still support her financially. Her main problem is with my mum, who she is constantly arguing with.
She's absolutely drained my parents. My dad has a host of medical conditions now, like diabetes. My mum is always tired and although she doesn't show it, I'm sure she's really distraught about everything that's happened.
I just want my parents to be happy. I don't even care about my sister, only her affect on my parents.
She's threatening to call social services? If they are called, what will happen? Me and my brother wont be affected will we? And will my parents have it put on their record?
**** my sister.
It seems she just doesn't want to fit in with your family's lifestyle and guidance. I don't think you should blame your sister, it's impossible to bring up a child according to traditional values (Muslim or Christian) in this country without there being at least the option of them just ignoring it and hanging out with friends. Which is the price we pay for having a free society with opportunities you don't get in Muslim or traditional Christian countries. It seems like your parents have just given up on trying to enforce their beliefs on her, which is fair enough given her mental health problems.
It's not illegal to hit your children so long as you don't do it with an implement, or so hard it leaves lasting bruises, so if that hasn't happened you don't need to worry about social services. Besides you are all old enough that they wouldn't try to do anything drastic without your input.
I think your parents have to accept that she doesn't believe in Islam and stop trying to force Quran reading classes on her when they're clearly pointless. You never know, a lot of people come back to religion when they are a little older and stop seeing it as just a barrier to the things they want to do in life. Plus you can't exactly stop her from having boyfriends. Once you accept that, then you can deal with more serious things like the disrespectful behaviour and the mental health (you said you 'don't even care about your sister, just your parents'. If that's true, you better start caring about your sister, at least for appearance' sake: the last thing a hormonal teenage ex-Muslim self-harmer needs is to feel that she has damaged her parents' health and has set her whole family against her, it will only make her feel under attack and more likely to do stupid things).
It's not illegal to hit your children so long as you don't do it with an implement, or so hard it leaves lasting bruises, so if that hasn't happened you don't need to worry about social services. Besides you are all old enough that they wouldn't try to do anything drastic without your input.
I think your parents have to accept that she doesn't believe in Islam and stop trying to force Quran reading classes on her when they're clearly pointless. You never know, a lot of people come back to religion when they are a little older and stop seeing it as just a barrier to the things they want to do in life. Plus you can't exactly stop her from having boyfriends. Once you accept that, then you can deal with more serious things like the disrespectful behaviour and the mental health (you said you 'don't even care about your sister, just your parents'. If that's true, you better start caring about your sister, at least for appearance' sake: the last thing a hormonal teenage ex-Muslim self-harmer needs is to feel that she has damaged her parents' health and has set her whole family against her, it will only make her feel under attack and more likely to do stupid things).
Original post by Copperknickers
x
I see what you mean. But really, they aren't trying to push anything on her anymore, just basic moral values. She stopped Quran lessons a few years ago.
Now it seems she just tries to pick fights with my mum whenever she can, and constantly bring up the same facts, all of which my mum accepts (she doesn't like it at all, but she accepts it), but it is completely unfair that she is bringing them up to annoy and stress them out.
And I do care about her, but I've just accepted that the sister I knew is long gone...
Original post by Anonymous
I see what you mean. But really, they aren't trying to push anything on her anymore, just basic moral values. She stopped Quran lessons a few years ago.
Now it seems she just tries to pick fights with my mum whenever she can, and constantly bring up the same facts, all of which my mum accepts (she doesn't like it at all, but she accepts it), but it is completely unfair that she is bringing them up to annoy and stress them out.
And I do care about her, but I've just accepted that the sister I knew is long gone...
Now it seems she just tries to pick fights with my mum whenever she can, and constantly bring up the same facts, all of which my mum accepts (she doesn't like it at all, but she accepts it), but it is completely unfair that she is bringing them up to annoy and stress them out.
And I do care about her, but I've just accepted that the sister I knew is long gone...
Some teenagers are just like it, she may be being a complete bitch now but you have to recognise hormonal issues going on as well as her teenage insecurities. I'm not say its an excuse, but she will snap out of it. My sister left home at 17 as she spet her whole life fighting, now shes 22 and I love and forgive her completely
Original post by Anonymous
Just a bit of background first.
I'm a 17 year old guy, my sister is 16 and my brother is 14. My family are Muslims, (but not strict, we do have freedoms, but we adhere to the principles (at least most of us)). Both my parents are really nice people, who I love to bits, and they are now getting extremely stressed out because of her behaviour. Both my parents have jobs, and are really busy.
Here's the deal.
My sister is just being a complete bitch.
Her argument is that my parents beat her when she was younger, and didn't provide emotional support.
The actual fact is that my mum used to hit from time to time whenever she was disrespectful (insults, swearing, etc...), and my father only once.
Once, she came home late because she went to the park with her friends. My parents were extremely worried, and were really annoyed when she couldn't be bothered to explain and was acting really disrespectfully. They didn't hit her at all though, but did tell her to ask them first.
Before this, my parents had put her into Quran reading lessons, which she was happy to attend because she didn't want to read from my gran (who she was disrespectful towards also). One day, she didn't come home on time, so my parents called the lady who did the lessons to ask whether she was still there. She said that she hadn't turned up at all. They then called my sister (who had gone to meet friends) and were really pissed, and explained to her the dangers and stuff. Still, they didn't hit her.
So one day my sister said that she was leaving to go to her Quran lessons. But that day, my dad came home early. As he was coming home, he saw my sister walking down from the road opposite the lessons place. He spotted her, and was furious, and locked her out.
My dad then found out that she had been having boyfriends for a while (it's not allowed, so it doesn't matter what you say to justify it, my parents had already made the rules pretty clear). That day he slapped her and messed her room up because he was so pissed.
She was also depressed and was cutting. When my parents found out, they were distraught and started trying to help her with everything. She also tried to commit suicide, and so my parents hired a psychiatrist to help her and went to doctors and stuff. Yet she still says they neglected her...
This is all before she's 15 btw.
Fast forward to now, and my parents barely stand against her in anything. She has a boyfriend, which she loves rubbing in our faces because she knows she is breaking the rules. She also wants to let him stay over, which my mum is against. She also made it clear she doesn't believe in Islam (which isn't as serious as you may think, but it really depressing for my parents, but they just accept it now). She also rubs this in, making it even more annoying. They still support her financially. Her main problem is with my mum, who she is constantly arguing with.
She's absolutely drained my parents. My dad has a host of medical conditions now, like diabetes. My mum is always tired and although she doesn't show it, I'm sure she's really distraught about everything that's happened.
I just want my parents to be happy. I don't even care about my sister, only her affect on my parents.
She's threatening to call social services? If they are called, what will happen? Me and my brother wont be affected will we? And will my parents have it put on their record?
**** my sister.
I'm a 17 year old guy, my sister is 16 and my brother is 14. My family are Muslims, (but not strict, we do have freedoms, but we adhere to the principles (at least most of us)). Both my parents are really nice people, who I love to bits, and they are now getting extremely stressed out because of her behaviour. Both my parents have jobs, and are really busy.
Here's the deal.
My sister is just being a complete bitch.
Her argument is that my parents beat her when she was younger, and didn't provide emotional support.
The actual fact is that my mum used to hit from time to time whenever she was disrespectful (insults, swearing, etc...), and my father only once.
Once, she came home late because she went to the park with her friends. My parents were extremely worried, and were really annoyed when she couldn't be bothered to explain and was acting really disrespectfully. They didn't hit her at all though, but did tell her to ask them first.
Before this, my parents had put her into Quran reading lessons, which she was happy to attend because she didn't want to read from my gran (who she was disrespectful towards also). One day, she didn't come home on time, so my parents called the lady who did the lessons to ask whether she was still there. She said that she hadn't turned up at all. They then called my sister (who had gone to meet friends) and were really pissed, and explained to her the dangers and stuff. Still, they didn't hit her.
So one day my sister said that she was leaving to go to her Quran lessons. But that day, my dad came home early. As he was coming home, he saw my sister walking down from the road opposite the lessons place. He spotted her, and was furious, and locked her out.
My dad then found out that she had been having boyfriends for a while (it's not allowed, so it doesn't matter what you say to justify it, my parents had already made the rules pretty clear). That day he slapped her and messed her room up because he was so pissed.
She was also depressed and was cutting. When my parents found out, they were distraught and started trying to help her with everything. She also tried to commit suicide, and so my parents hired a psychiatrist to help her and went to doctors and stuff. Yet she still says they neglected her...
This is all before she's 15 btw.
Fast forward to now, and my parents barely stand against her in anything. She has a boyfriend, which she loves rubbing in our faces because she knows she is breaking the rules. She also wants to let him stay over, which my mum is against. She also made it clear she doesn't believe in Islam (which isn't as serious as you may think, but it really depressing for my parents, but they just accept it now). She also rubs this in, making it even more annoying. They still support her financially. Her main problem is with my mum, who she is constantly arguing with.
She's absolutely drained my parents. My dad has a host of medical conditions now, like diabetes. My mum is always tired and although she doesn't show it, I'm sure she's really distraught about everything that's happened.
I just want my parents to be happy. I don't even care about my sister, only her affect on my parents.
She's threatening to call social services? If they are called, what will happen? Me and my brother wont be affected will we? And will my parents have it put on their record?
**** my sister.
Wow I am sorry you and your family are going through all this. Teenagers can be tough. I am not sure what state you live but when it comes to social services in some states it is completely unacceptable to hit your child in any way shape or form. Not hitting of any kind no matter what. No restraints on a child no matter what. Some states are more lenient. I would check on your states policies. That being said...Your parents can call social services and ask if they can help. If a parent reaches out for help they will try and set your sister up with mental health services or whatever she may need. I had to do this for my daughter when she was younger. She has Bi-polar and I didn't know how and couldn't deal with her and her behaviors. The social services helped me get her treatment and medicines etc. She still has a forever road to travel but has gotten a lot better.
As for the cutting and such...There is more likely than not an underlying issue which may have nothing to do with your parents and their ways of living ie religion, no boyfriends etc. Try sitting down with her and having a heart to heart talk with her. No judgments, no cussing, no accusations. Make her feel safe and respected and maybe she will open up to you or someone she trusts.
I wish you and your family lots of luck. There are people out there that can help and who have gone through this before. Don't be afraid to ask for help. This message is a great step to ask for help.
As for the cutting and such...There is more likely than not an underlying issue which may have nothing to do with your parents and their ways of living ie religion, no boyfriends etc. Try sitting down with her and having a heart to heart talk with her. No judgments, no cussing, no accusations. Make her feel safe and respected and maybe she will open up to you or someone she trusts.
I wish you and your family lots of luck. There are people out there that can help and who have gone through this before. Don't be afraid to ask for help. This message is a great step to ask for help.
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