Hi, I've moved your thread to the PS advice forums, as it fits in here better.
Firstly, it's a bad idea to post any sections of your PS online, as it could end up being flagged for plagarism.
Secondly, your conclusion should focus more on why you want to study psychology- rather than discussing why you think you are a good candidate. Ultimately, it's up to admissions tutors to decide if they think your skills are suitable, and although you are trying to persuade them of this, phrasing things in the way you have can get some admissions tutors backs up. It's also a bit of a waste of characters.
I would also focus more on why you want to study psychology at uni, rather than the career you want. Psychology is not a vocational course, and many people who study psychology don't go on to careers within the profession. As well as this, most psychology based careers, particularly clinical psychology and educational psychology, require further post graduate study after finishing the undergraduate degree and people can enter these post graduate courses via other routes.
Basically, your conclusion needs to summarise why you want to study psychology at uni for 3 years- rather than mainly focusing on your skills/career aspirations.