should i meet him

To cut a long story short: I've never met my dad but i want to because if i don't then i may regret it one day. so my mum wrote letters to him twice and first time he said no, second time he said when i'm 18. so now i'm 18 should i contact him? how should i do it?- by letter, phone...

what should i do? and if i write a letter then what do i write? I'm confused because i get the feeling he doesn't want to see me otherwise he would have made contact himself by now.

Reply 1

Mr.God

7

I wouldn't bother. Not knowing your father must be pretty terrible, but I imagine knowing him when he doesn't want to know you would be worse.

I'd steer clear, to be honest.

Then again, you could write to him and ask him if he wants to meet you without putting any pressure on him, and show you bear no animosity towards him. If it appears he genuinely wants to meet you, then go for it.

Reply 2

The_Bear

13

If you do go with low expectations, he can never be what you want him to be.

Reply 3

tigger1430

7

I am in the same situation although I have recently found out my 'real' dad is a ****head to which the details I am not prepared to go into...
If he said he doesn't want to meet you that first time, he doesn't sound much better. But then again I don't know, only you do.
In my opinion I also say steer clear and keep away, you don't need to bring up the past especialy if you are happy with who you have near you now.
I don't have any family really...but I still NEVER want to meet my 'Dad'.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

hes said no twice but seeing as i've never known him i don't think another rejection will make a difference. i don't have too much to loose. i can't think of what to write.. its an arkward situation. thanks for your replies people :smile:

btw i think he may have kids so thats a good reason to make contact.. i really would like to know.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

He might have had reasons for saying no earlier, such as you may not understand why he separated from you and your mom, to give him some benefit of the doubt. But I don't think it very likely.

Also, i'm not very sure about the idea that another rejection from him would do you no hurt.

You should get to know what he really wants before meeting him.

Reply 6

squigaletta

If you don't contact him, you will always have a huuuuge question mark over it. Even if it results in him saying no again, i think it's better to find out, to put your mind at rest.

Reply 7

CyanideZombie

5

Go for it but don't have high expectations :smile:

Reply 8

tigger1430

7

It was my dad's other kids that made me want to meet him as well...its hard when there are others involved

Reply 9

Fluent in Lies

2

I don't know do you want to?

Reply 10

Unity

2

Anonymous

hes said no twice but seeing as i've never known him i don't think another rejection will make a difference. i don't have too much to loose. i can't think of what to write.. its an arkward situation. thanks for your replies people :smile:

btw i think he may have kids so thats a good reason to make contact.. i really would like to know.

Seriously alot of people think that because they have never had contact with him that he may infact be a decent person , be wary because now that you're becoming successful he may want to get in on it for purely selfish reasons .

Make this clear in your mind that you shouldn't expect anything and just remember that this guy didn't want to see you .

should i meet him

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