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How often to text a girl and how often to initiate texting?

I met a girl who I really like. She now lives far away so I'm not seeing her as regularly.

I have a bit of a crush on her, so I'm finding it difficult to text. We used to IM. And she used to initiate A LOT. We had great conversations and it seemed to flow naturally. I wonder whether she knew I fancied her or not.

I don't have a problem texting other female friends, some of whom live abroad as well. But I seem nervous when texting this girl.

I'm worried she won't respond and then I can't text again or it looks like I'm bombarding her with messages.

So far she has responded to all my messages, but after a little bit of time.
Sometimes she sends back a Hey! really enthusiastically, but doesn't seem to respond to the next text? So I sent a have a great day to which she then responded, you too hun!

1. How do you text a girl so she responds?
2. How do you get a flowing conversation going that the girl never wants to end?
3. How do you get her to initiate? (My other friends seem to do it often)
4. How do you get her to 'want to text you'?
5. How often should you initiate and what should you write?
6. If she doesn't initiate, should you not text her? Thing is I really like her.


If anything else, I would like to keep her as a friend. She has such a great personality and I really enjoyed her company when she lived here and IM'ing with her when we did that.

I can still email her IM, thinking of sending one off, but then again I did ask for her number on that, and she gave it to me..

Advice? Btw we are both graduates now in our twenties if that helps with texting language. There is also a 5hr time difference. Tips guys and girls?

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You should arrange to video-call her too
Reply 2
Original post by shawn_o1
You should arrange to video-call her too


I don't think she'd be up for that somehow. I don't know, I'm not sure I would either, I like face to face meetings better, but somehow video calling might put the pressure up on both of us. We can see each other, but can't interact like in real life and again if I asked her, she might break off contact for good. I'm not a close close bestie friend like one of her girls, so I think considering we've never done it before, might not work.

Plus I'd have to look real good when doing that!

How do I build the rapport through texts/emails?

Thinking of sending a Happy Monday message now..
Reply 3
Any advice from girls would be highly appreciated!!
Reply 4
What ever is natural?

No point in over-thinking these things.
Reply 5
Original post by nicatre
What ever is natural?

No point in over-thinking these things.


Agreed in being natural and maybe that's why it seems easier to talk to friends, rather than girls you fancy a little.

But what do make of points 1 to 6?

1. How do you text a girl so she responds?
2. How do you get a flowing conversation going that the girl never wants to end?
3. How do you get her to initiate? (My other friends seem to do it often)
4. How do you get her to 'want to text you'?
5. How often should you initiate and what should you write?
6. If she doesn't initiate, should you not text her? Thing is I really like her.
Reply 6
Original post by nicatre
What ever is natural?

No point in over-thinking these things.


If the girl doesn't seem to initiate?
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
Agreed in being natural and maybe that's why it seems easier to talk to friends, rather than girls you fancy a little.

But what do make of points 1 to 6?

1. How do you text a girl so she responds?
2. How do you get a flowing conversation going that the girl never wants to end?
3. How do you get her to initiate? (My other friends seem to do it often)
4. How do you get her to 'want to text you'?
5. How often should you initiate and what should you write?
6. If she doesn't initiate, should you not text her? Thing is I really like her.


You're over-thinking the entire thing...

It's no different that talking to anyone. You have the same issues talking to anyone else. If she wants to talk she'll talk if she doesn't then she won't.

Flip it on its head: what would someone do to make you do all of those things?

Seriously though: talking to people isn't complicated. We don't need to talk different because we fancy a person compared to someone else. What'll make someone want to talk to you? Treating them like a human being and then having mutual things to talk about.
Reply 8
Original post by nicatre
You're over-thinking the entire thing...

It's no different that talking to anyone. You have the same issues talking to anyone else. If she wants to talk she'll talk if she doesn't then she won't.

Flip it on its head: what would someone do to make you do all of those things?

Seriously though: talking to people isn't complicated. We don't need to talk different because we fancy a person compared to someone else. What'll make someone want to talk to you? Treating them like a human being and then having mutual things to talk about.


That's a good point. I agree.

Maybe I end up fancying the teasy girls. They don't seem to respond like my friend's do. Some days they are overjoyed when texting me and others are sporadic or erratic in responses.

Sigh.. wish I could understand women in general!
Reply 9
Original post by shawn_o1
You should arrange to video-call her too


Original post by nicatre
You're over-thinking the entire thing...

It's no different that talking to anyone. You have the same issues talking to anyone else. If she wants to talk she'll talk if she doesn't then she won't.

Flip it on its head: what would someone do to make you do all of those things?

Seriously though: talking to people isn't complicated. We don't need to talk different because we fancy a person compared to someone else. What'll make someone want to talk to you? Treating them like a human being and then having mutual things to talk about.


How do you/should you tell a girl you miss her?
How do you get her to initiate?
How do you get to be her text buddy?
Original post by Anonymous
I met a girl who I really like. She now lives far away so I'm not seeing her as regularly.

I have a bit of a crush on her, so I'm finding it difficult to text. We used to IM. And she used to initiate A LOT. We had great conversations and it seemed to flow naturally. I wonder whether she knew I fancied her or not.

I don't have a problem texting other female friends, some of whom live abroad as well. But I seem nervous when texting this girl.

I'm worried she won't respond and then I can't text again or it looks like I'm bombarding her with messages.

So far she has responded to all my messages, but after a little bit of time.
Sometimes she sends back a Hey! really enthusiastically, but doesn't seem to respond to the next text? So I sent a have a great day to which she then responded, you too hun!

1. How do you text a girl so she responds?
2. How do you get a flowing conversation going that the girl never wants to end?
3. How do you get her to initiate? (My other friends seem to do it often)
4. How do you get her to 'want to text you'?
5. How often should you initiate and what should you write?
6. If she doesn't initiate, should you not text her? Thing is I really like her.


If anything else, I would like to keep her as a friend. She has such a great personality and I really enjoyed her company when she lived here and IM'ing with her when we did that.

I can still email her IM, thinking of sending one off, but then again I did ask for her number on that, and she gave it to me..

Advice? Btw we are both graduates now in our twenties if that helps with texting language. There is also a 5hr time difference. Tips guys and girls?


ok.first of all you are both graduate and in your twenties. seems like a time when people get loads occupy their lives. so either she reply actively on one or two messages or didn't give any response for a few your doesn't necessarily speak out of anything.so you should relax a bit on that.


secondly it is generally hard to hold a conversation flow well ONLY through messages especially if you haven't built up a solid fundamental communication way when you were physically together.try to share more of your life with her.more than just"have a great weekend"sort of message. it isn't bad but it is hard to active any long or meaningful conversation from there.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by MissPinkyMonkey
ok.first of all you are both graduate and in your twenties. seems like a time when people get loads occupy their lives. so either she reply actively on one or two messages or didn't give any response for a few your doesn't necessarily speak out of anything.so you should relax a bit on that.


secondly it is generally hard to hold a conversation flow well ONLY through messages especially if you haven't built up a solid fundamental communication way when you were physically together.try to share more of your life with her.more than just"have a great weekend"sort of message. it isn't bad but it is hard to active any long or meaningful conversation from there.


Posted from TSR Mobile


Thanks for the response. You're an expert!

I guess I shouldn't worry about response times. Only thing is when she IM'ed me, she used to initiate all the time and it felt like we were literally talking. I know it probably sounds laime, but I felt like I really liked her. When we saw each other in the physical realm, I was invited to a party (this was shortly before she moved) and she did put her arm through mine whilst talking to others and we were standing next to each other. I really liked her, but found the loud bar difficult to build a rapport with her.

I agree with the second point you make. I would prefer face to face tbh (just not in a really loud environment where you can't hear each other). Thing is she lives abroad atm, though visits occasionally for friends/family I understand.

I would like to share more of my life with her. How do I do that via text? How to start a meaningful conversation. When we IM'ed, the conversation developed around something like how her day was, but now it seems harder. Maybe because I am nervous, but what would you suggest? Sorry, I am a complete novice when it comes to girls! I can talk to my girl friends, but not to girls who I would like to be my girlfriend for some reason.

Examples of things to say/how to respond to something?
People are going to tell you to just "be natural" but the truth is , there are good texters and bad texters , girls will admit this . I used to try your standard "how was your day" type **** and conversation would never go anywhere , my relationships with these girls eventually dried up etc.

I'm no pro at text game myself but id advise you to stop beating around the bush i.e tell her its been a while would you like to come out some time , be unpredictable and cheeky and generally try and stand out.
Reply 13
First of all you are getting WAY too wrapped up in this text messaging...you do NOT want her to be your 'texting buddy' that's a fast-track straight into the friendzone.

You say she lives far away now, so whats the options for seeing her in person? You visit her? She visits you?

You should use messaging to arrange a real life meet...and then show her who you are and get to know her...so you can build a proper connection...not through texting...

Oh and sounds like this is the only girl you have your attention on, a bit of oneitis. Go out and meet new girls, it will do you good.
you must at least txt her in the morning to chek how how did she sleep and see if she is interested in talking to you that day if she is , come up with a jock to make her think about you don't just just tell her how you feel via text better do that in a phone call or a video call . good luck man!!:smile::smile::smile::smile::smile:
Original post by Anonymous
Thanks for the response. You're an expert!

I guess I shouldn't worry about response times. Only thing is when she IM'ed me, she used to initiate all the time and it felt like we were literally talking. I know it probably sounds laime, but I felt like I really liked her. When we saw each other in the physical realm, I was invited to a party (this was shortly before she moved) and she did put her arm through mine whilst talking to others and we were standing next to each other. I really liked her, but found the loud bar difficult to build a rapport with her.

I agree with the second point you make. I would prefer face to face tbh (just not in a really loud environment where you can't hear each other). Thing is she lives abroad atm, though visits occasionally for friends/family I understand.

I would like to share more of my life with her. How do I do that via text? How to start a meaningful conversation. When we IM'ed, the conversation developed around something like how her day was, but now it seems harder. Maybe because I am nervous, but what would you suggest? Sorry, I am a complete novice when it comes to girls! I can talk to my girl friends, but not to girls who I would like to be my girlfriend for some reason.

Examples of things to say/how to respond to something?


It is not lame having a crush on someone for the first sight BUT I would suggest you to arrange some more time to actually be around her to see how you feel.

since this isn't gonna happen now. I think you should better stay in the friendzone for now. this is from my own experience and a girl side, I wouldn't take it seriously if I have only talked to a guy through messages. Even if we sent off tons of messages, it would still appear as irrational to move to the next level. but its possible for me to think a guy as a genuine friend.

I think you could be an understanding sensitive friend to her if you can manage that. Try to be sensitive to her emotions, her feelings. girls love that when a guy notice thes things. If she hasn't open up to you try to more questions when you sense there is a possible problem. be gentle and considerate.

This may be tricky without sounding pushy and nosey and takes time but once you succeeded, her heart would be flying towards you.

again this works for me personally (I do not know if it works for other girls) under the condition that I do like the guy and felt everytime the conversation went well even though we didn't talk often at all and he never persuade anything more than friendship.

then let the rest work to be done when you have a chance to meet up.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I met a girl who I really like. She now lives far away so I'm not seeing her as regularly.

I have a bit of a crush on her, so I'm finding it difficult to text. We used to IM. And she used to initiate A LOT. We had great conversations and it seemed to flow naturally. I wonder whether she knew I fancied her or not.

I don't have a problem texting other female friends, some of whom live abroad as well. But I seem nervous when texting this girl.

I'm worried she won't respond and then I can't text again or it looks like I'm bombarding her with messages.

So far she has responded to all my messages, but after a little bit of time.
Sometimes she sends back a Hey! really enthusiastically, but doesn't seem to respond to the next text? So I sent a have a great day to which she then responded, you too hun!

1. How do you text a girl so she responds?
2. How do you get a flowing conversation going that the girl never wants to end?
3. How do you get her to initiate? (My other friends seem to do it often)
4. How do you get her to 'want to text you'?
5. How often should you initiate and what should you write?
6. If she doesn't initiate, should you not text her? Thing is I really like her.


If anything else, I would like to keep her as a friend. She has such a great personality and I really enjoyed her company when she lived here and IM'ing with her when we did that.

I can still email her IM, thinking of sending one off, but then again I did ask for her number on that, and she gave it to me..

Advice? Btw we are both graduates now in our twenties if that helps with texting language. There is also a 5hr time difference. Tips guys and girls?


I need a bit more information. (Do you talk every day? What's the time between texting?)

Okay, I'm going to answer this from a female point of view who has a flow of conversation with some guys, and with others I feel like throwing my phone in the toilet. There is a way tbh, especially when you have a spark!

1. Ask her an open question (not just a yes or no)
2. Talk about things that interest her. No small talk. Know her interests, and expand on them, you don't have to agree/disagree with them, just make sure the conversation isn't boring. None of this "so wuup2?" crap.
3. To get her to initiate, you need to make her miss you. So when she texts you, give it some breathing time. Don't just fly off and reply straight away, think about a nice witty response. Show her that you're interested without being obsessive waiting by the phone.
4. As above
5. Initiate, but not too often. Make her miss you. So I'd say 2 out of 3 times you start the convo. If she doesn't reply. Wait, wait, wait. If there's no response after about 2-3 days or so, text her something that you need to tell her, not another "heyy..." for example text her " I saw x on tv and thought of you!" IMO, two "hi's" just looks a bit crap tbh, especially when the other person doesn't reply.
6. if you haven't spoken in 2-3 days, text her and say "so...you miss me yet?" and see what she says. It's this type of flirtatious stuff, and hinting to her that you want to speak to her, without actually saying it.

DONT tell her you were waiting for her to respond. DONT tell her that she seems busy if her replies are short. DONT push for a reply. With me, guys tend to push me away the more they ask for a reply, I just think they start hitting pathetic.

I hope this has helped!
Original post by Foo.mp3
Left you some advice on my thread, would say the same to anyone reading of this guy's situation here, in a similar situation, and wondering the same.. friendzone her


Cheers yeah I think I will. Thanks for your help.

Original post by Anonymous
People are going to tell you to just "be natural" but the truth is , there are good texters and bad texters , girls will admit this . I used to try your standard "how was your day" type **** and conversation would never go anywhere , my relationships with these girls eventually dried up etc.

I'm no pro at text game myself but id advise you to stop beating around the bush i.e tell her its been a while would you like to come out some time , be unpredictable and cheeky and generally try and stand out.


Okay cool, so up the cheekiness. I'm a bit shy! So will try and be more forward. What time is best to text her? She is 5 hrs behind.

Original post by az08
First of all you are getting WAY too wrapped up in this text messaging...you do NOT want her to be your 'texting buddy' that's a fast-track straight into the friendzone.

You say she lives far away now, so whats the options for seeing her in person? You visit her? She visits you?

You should use messaging to arrange a real life meet...and then show her who you are and get to know her...so you can build a proper connection...not through texting...

Oh and sounds like this is the only girl you have your attention on, a bit of oneitis. Go out and meet new girls, it will do you good.


Good point. I am going to meet other girls asap. I have other female friends, it's just the meeting girls to date that is slow at the mo. Will do. I would like to be friends with this one, but tbh if she is not responding, then probably not worth the friendship what do you reckon? If you wanted to friendzone a girl, what to do?
Original post by Anonymous
you must at least txt her in the morning to chek how how did she sleep and see if she is interested in talking to you that day if she is , come up with a jock to make her think about you don't just just tell her how you feel via text better do that in a phone call or a video call . good luck man!!:smile::smile::smile::smile::smile:


Nice. Could you clarify the jock to make her think about me?
Original post by MissPinkyMonkey
It is not lame having a crush on someone for the first sight BUT I would suggest you to arrange some more time to actually be around her to see how you feel.

since this isn't gonna happen now. I think you should better stay in the friendzone for now. this is from my own experience and a girl side, I wouldn't take it seriously if I have only talked to a guy through messages. Even if we sent off tons of messages, it would still appear as irrational to move to the next level. but its possible for me to think a guy as a genuine friend.

I think you could be an understanding sensitive friend to her if you can manage that. Try to be sensitive to her emotions, her feelings. girls love that when a guy notice thes things. If she hasn't open up to you try to more questions when you sense there is a possible problem. be gentle and considerate.

This may be tricky without sounding pushy and nosey and takes time but once you succeeded, her heart would be flying towards you.

again this works for me personally (I do not know if it works for other girls) under the condition that I do like the guy and felt everytime the conversation went well even though we didn't talk often at all and he never persuade anything more than friendship.

then let the rest work to be done when you have a chance to meet up.

Posted from TSR Mobile


Very useful advice. Thank you!

I agree, it's hard since we live far apart. I think I will stay friends for now and try to meet other women/have an active social life.

If she is a good friend, she'll stay in touch I guess! I'm always nice to her and to everyone in general, so if she value someone like that, I guess we'll be friends!

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