Women taking selfies together all night whilst sitting in the corner of a nightclub

I'm convinced no one actually likes clubs. It's a conspiracy. We've been told they're cool and fun; that only "saddoes" dislike them. And no one in our pathetic little pre-apocalyptic timebubble wants to be labelled "sad" - it's like being officially declared worthless by the state. So we muster a grin and go out on the town in our millions.

Clubs are despicable. Cramped, overpriced furnaces with sticky walls and the latest idiot theme tunes thumping through the humid air so loud you can't hold a conversation, just bellow inanities at megaphone-level. And since the smoking ban, the masking aroma of cigarette smoke has been replaced by the overbearing stench of crotch sweat and hair wax.


Clubs are such insufferable dungeons of misery, the inmates have to take mood-altering substances to make their ordeal seem halfway tolerable. This leads them to believe they "enjoy" clubbing. They don't. No one does. They just enjoy drugs.

The second thing that struck me was frightening. They were all photographing themselves. In fact, that's all they seemed to be doing. Standing around in expensive clothes, snapping away with phones and cameras. One pose after another, as though they needed to prove their own existence, right there, in the moment. Crucially, this seemed to be the reason they were there in the first place. There was very little dancing. Just pouting and flashbulbs.

Ever been to a club sober? You'd be lying if you said you'd enjoyed it. Anyone who claims to enjoy them sober simply has nothing better to do.

Actually this is how I came to these realisations and made the thread. I went to a club sober on Saturday by myself and people-watched for a while.

Clubs are by far the easiest place for me to get sex though and that's the only reason I go. Much prefer bars and pubs and meeting strangers.

I guess they're a necessary evil then?

Depends if you like having one night stands. It was a necessary evil when I was younger, now it's just not worth the hassle. The music is always just way too loud and this new selfie culture is obscenely cringey.

I wouldn't know, i get laid every day without needing to to go to a club

Right. This is where I let you two boys enjoy your discussion

Huh? You didn't even post in the thread until now.

They will remember comical moments in their elder years with such glee! "Oh Sophie, do you remember that time we took a picture of Angela's worst angle when she wasn't looking and uploaded it to her Instagram?"

Huh? Either way still leaving? I was going to reply and that bit threw it off

Right. This is where I let you two boys enjoy your discussion

C'mon we're all adults in here.

I can't believe this poster is allowed to constantly spam threads adding little-to-nothing to the discussion.

You spam the forums. Are you still upset because I called out that you tried to take an old photo of someone who isn't ISIS and say that they're ISIS like that's funny.

Charlie Brooker got it right: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2007/aug/13/fashion.comment
.

Charlie Brooker got it right: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2007/aug/13/fashion.comment



I must have been to clubs hundreds of times in the last four years. I used to think i enjoyed them, then i realised i'd just spent enough money on alcohol to believe i liked them.

Ever been to a club sober? You'd be lying if you said you'd enjoyed it. Anyone who claims to enjoy them sober simply has nothing better to do.

Charlie Brooker is of an age that when growing up, they were discos, and Club to most people was a chocolate biscuit.

Mind you, he's married Konnie Huq, jammy sod.