Why do some girls never offer to pay on dates?

Scroll to see replies

So I assume that as you'd like to assume traditional roles you shouldn't be able to get a good job or vote? And you'll do all the cooking and cleaning? Because that's traditional, and historically what women did.

Hence the

meaning I was being bitter about it. Not in support of it, but acknowledging nonetheless. Because it's true. That is the subconscious reason why some women generally feel a man should pay.

I mean, I even stated that I would pay if I asked him out in pure fairness, but if he paid despite me asking him out yes it would be nice. No one really wants to pay, man or woman. Not about tradition wanting a man to pay.

Reply 21

Yeah dude

Original post by Gee Willikers

This goes to, men traditionally are the providers. First, influence/relation to animal kingdom. Second, history in humanity where men did everything :colonhash:

Yeah but not anymore they ain't , no one is, both genders suck, I want a third gender on the game

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 22

Gee Willikers

Original post by Yeah dude

Yeah but not anymore they ain't , no one is, both genders suck, I want a third gender on the game

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 23

Yeah dude

Original post by Gee Willikers

No screw that, I want a badass gender that can fly

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 24

TolerantBeing

Original post by mackemforever

Well it's simple. It suits them.

Sticking to an outdated practice suits them and therefore they're happy to let it happen.

Tbh it's typical feminist behaviour. "We want equality but only when it suits us".

So every woman who doesn't offer to pay half is a feminist? Please explain to me your logic? Although somehow I'm not expecting a reply from you, because you know what you just said is dull.

Possible answers OP-

1. Social norms/ convention still dictates that it is a romantic/ caring gesture for the man to pay.

2. It's remnant from the days where the man often provided for the woman. He'd be the sole provider when married, and that started in the courting process. If a man didn't pay for dinner maybe it wasn't a good sign for him being a good provider in married life.

3. Wealth and resources is considered an attractive trait, so a man paying for a meal is similar to him tensing his muscles. So to speak.

4. Evolutionary psychological possibilities (haven't looked into this, just an idea)- it's often considered the man competes for a woman from his available pool, whereas the woman selects out of the available options to her. So in evolutionary terms the man has to 'woo' the woman, I suppose a way of doing that is to take her out for dinner, spoil her. Traditionally speaking the woman is wooed, but never woos.

5. She's used to it. Maybe that's how she's been treated by guys in the past and now she expects the same from future dates.

6. She's a low earner, you earn more.

It may be some of these OP, maybe even all.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 25

Yeah dude

Original post by TolerantBeing

So every woman who doesn't offer I pay half is a feminist? Please explain to me your logic? Although somehow I'm not expecting a reply from you, because you know what you just said is dull.

Possible answers OP-

1. Social norms/ convention still dictates that it is a romantic/ caring gesture for the man to pay.

2. It's remnant from the days where the man often provided for the woman. He'd be the sole provider when married, and that started in the courting process. If a man didn't pay for dinner maybe it wasn't a good sign for him being a good provider in married life.

3. Wealth and resources is considered an attractive trait, so a man paying for a meal is similar to him tensing his muscles. So to speak.

4. Evolutionary psychological possibilities (haven't looked into this, just an idea)- it's often considered the man competes for a woman from his available pool, whereas the woman selects out of the available options to her. So in evolutionary terms the man has to 'woo' the woman, I suppose a way of doing that is to take her out for dinner, spoil her. Traditionally speaking the woman is wooed, but never woos.

5. She's used to it. Maybe that's how she's been treated by guys in the past and now she expects the same from future dates.

6. She's a low earner, you earn more.

It may be some of these OP, maybe even all.

I would've thought a feminist would've liked to pay

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 26

Mankytoes

Original post by Gee Willikers

If a guy asks me out he's gonna pay. Fully. If I ask him out (by ask out, I don't mean like in the primary playground sense, like, "Will you be mine? :love:

I just mean, "hey, come here with me, let's go there" kinda ask out :smile:

) Anyway if I ask him out I'll pay but I would def love/expect if he paid :tongue:

This goes to, men traditionally are the providers. First, influence/relation to animal kingdom. Second, history in humanity where men did everything :colonhash:

Women who say that usually never ask him out.

Guys blaming feminism are pretty dumb, considering this is the sort of thing that wouldn't exist in pretty much any version of an idealised feminist society.

Reply 27

Gee Willikers

Original post by Yeah dude

I would've thought a feminist would've liked to pay

Posted from TSR Mobile

Exactly. Sigh. It all gets so confusing, that's why I don't like labels.

Reply 28

Gee Willikers

Original post by Mankytoes

I don't see what feminism has to do with it, but that's because the idea of feminism is inconstant. Tbh, I don't really know what you mean. :s-smilie:

Women who say they'll pay if they ask a man out never ask him out? What do you mean by that?...

And guys blame feminism on having to pay? Then they have a warped vision/version of what feminism is. Classic feminists are all about not needing a man/wanting to be equal to a man. If a man pays, stereotypes say the feminist will be assertively offended. But then there are feminists that want to still be treated "like a woman" but whilst not being treated as a second-class citizen. This means still wine and dine me, but do not control me. Hmmm...

I am the latter, but no feminist. There's feminist

and then there's a normal person who wants to be treated fairly and with respect and a title on them is not needed. :h:

I want to work and go Uni and be taken seriously and respected, but also I don't want to emasculate a man. If you wanna pay, pay!! :tongue:

Something weird about a fella who has the opportunity to pay and does not. That's not chivalrous. So it boils down to the individual.

Hope it ain't too long :biggrin:

Reply 29

trustmeimlying1

Original post by Gee Willikers

If a guy asks me out he's gonna pay. Fully. If I ask him out (by ask out, I don't mean like in the primary playground sense, like, "Will you be mine? :love:

I just mean, "hey, come here with me, let's go there" kinda ask out :smile:

) Anyway if I ask him out I'll pay but I would def love/expect if he paid :tongue:

This goes to, men traditionally are the providers. First, influence/relation to animal kingdom. Second, history in humanity where men did everything :colonhash:

honestly I don't mind paying..money isn't something I overally love besides the right girl is priceless.

However you seem to have lost the plot. Let's be realistic here.Men are going do the ask most of the time.if they dont want go go they can say no.theyre both looking for a good time.

men traditionally are the providers and in history men did everything......

in the past women stayed at home and did what the men told them to do.

some things are best left in the past.this tradition of expectation is a bit bad on the womens part.no biggee but with your attitude sure is love.

Reply 30

Gee Willikers

Original post by trustmeimlying1

Let's keep this civilised :h:

We haven't even properly acquainted ourselves here :colonhash:

Anyway. I have said many times that a man will/should do the asking. And people (feminists :redface:

) got angry. Men were just like :rolleyes:

yea, you're right, we will.

To the last bold, eh?

And I said exactly what you said in the middle. Or were you referencing me when I said it? :s-smilie:

And tradition of expectation?

Can people not acknowledge the truth neutrally these days.

Anyway, my main point is this: because it is seen as tradition, most times this isn't even a conversation. Men ask, men pay. Nothing wrong with men being providers or feeling the need to be by default. Nothing. Tradition is foundation. :h:

And there's nothing wrong with a man stepping up. That is why I said, if I ask, I will pay--but make no mistake, if he is like, "No, I got it." I'll be like :love:

of course.

Reply 31

trustmeimlying1

Original post by Gee Willikers

Let's keep this civilised :h:

We haven't even properly acquainted ourselves here :colonhash:

Anyway. I have said many times that a man will/should do the asking. And people (feminists :redface:

) got angry. Men were just like :rolleyes:

yea, you're right, we will.

To the last bold, eh?

And I said exactly what you said in the middle. Or were you referencing me when I said it? :s-smilie:

And there's nothing wrong with a man stepping up. That is why I said, if I ask, I will pay--but make no mistake, if he is like, "No, I got it." I'll be like :love:

of course.

youre right nice to meet yeh love Im james and you?

my issue isnt so much the principle its your attitude.no problem paying the first time.

you expect lads to pay and also expect them to ask.you then go back to tradition and say it should be kept that way.it was the tradition for men in the past to boss their woman around.thankfully thats gone.was handy for men but bad for women.tis the same in this case.

the way yeh phrased that the first time...you wouldnt get a single chip from me

Reply 32

Mankytoes

Original post by Gee Willikers

I don't see what feminism has to do with it, but that's because the idea of feminism is inconstant. Tbh, I don't really know what you mean. :s-smilie:

I want to work and go Uni and be taken seriously and respected, but also I don't want to emasculate a man. If you wanna pay, pay!! :tongue:

Something weird about a fella who has the opportunity to pay and does not. That's not chivalrous. So it boils down to the individual.

Hope it ain't too long :biggrin:

Well some people on this thread have blamed feminism for women not paying on dates, when really pre-feminism women would have been much less likely to pay on dates.

I mean most women who subscribe to these irrational traditions will also feel men should ask women out.

Reply 33

Inazuma

Original post by RayApparently

I'm unfortunately out of reps.

Haha thanks :tongue:

Reply 34

miser

I think it's a vestige of the past, but one that's tricky to remove because individuals' incentives are in conflict with the incentives of the collective. Women are probably always going to find a man who can look after her more attractive, and most men aren't going to want to avoid paying because it will put them at a disadvantage.

Reply 35

Tiger Rag

I have offered to pay and was told he'd pay, which is fine by me.

Does anyone else find the subject of whose paying awkward? But at the same time, I don't want to assume that he'll pay for me and him.

Reply 36

ilem

Because they feel entitled to having their dinner paid for/the man putting in a far more effort into the relationship than they ever will. Case in point:

Original post by Gee Willikers

Let's keep this civilised :h:

We haven't even properly acquainted ourselves here :colonhash:

Anyway. I have said many times that a man will/should do the asking. And people (feminists :redface:

) got angry. Men were just like :rolleyes:

yea, you're right, we will.

To the last bold, eh?

And I said exactly what you said in the middle. Or were you referencing me when I said it? :s-smilie:

And there's nothing wrong with a man stepping up. That is why I said, if I ask, I will pay--but make no mistake, if he is like, "No, I got it." I'll be like :love:

of course.

Please stop assuming that men everywhere literally cannot contain their excitement at the thought of paying your bill for you. How do you want to be 'taken seriously' when you're coming out with stuff like this?

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 37

MarleyZ

I don't think it's about who pays for what, it's about respect and a lot of girls don't respect a man paying, they just expect it.

I know a lot of girls who expect to be paid for by someone they are dating and it does make them look a bit selfish and self righteous. It is really lovely to be treated but personally in this day and age you should treat eachother and it shouldn't be so one way on the guys side. Of course all girls want to be treated and looked after but I personally can't imagine not offering to pay for myself.

Reply 38

stargirl63

I don't mind paying for myself at all. I don't believe that the payment of the date is to do with the physical money and more about what you say about yourself.

If a man offers to pay, then he's a gentleman. If a woman offers to pay for herself, it is really respected.

I'm the type to always offer. Never take it for granted that he is going to pay, or that he even enjoyed himself!

Ideally I would like him to pay for the first date. After that I don't mind going half, or taking turns to pay for each other.