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Ask boyfriend to do one thing and doesn't do it, yet no other complaints?

I'm a 2nd year student, my boyfriend has a very demanding job in london. My uni is 2-3 hours from London.

He is great in that he calls me every day, and if I call he'll get back to me very quickly. I do really enjoy phone conversations but it doesn't matter how long we speak I still crave a goodnight text afterwards. It's just one thing, it's not (in my opinion but he would argue) difficult. However, twice last week he didn't and twice this week he didn't.


He is working ridiculous long hours and is exhausted and I do feel one hand that in perspective a goodnight text shouldn't be important in the scheme of things. On the other hand, it's something that takes 5 minutes or less to do, and really doesn't require much effort. I find it so hard to get to sleep if I don't get one. I don't know why it upsets me so much but it feels like do whatever he asks in the relationship and this is the the one thing I ask and it's like he can't be arsed half the time (he argues he is just forgetful when exhausted). However, like i said does generally put in a lot of effort in every day with calling.

I pretty much threatened breaking up with him, and he retaliated that we'd be breaking him up soon as I'm making him more tired (he often works till midnight but a couple of times I've woken him up by calling him around then when I haven't received a text) . I love him and I don't want to break up but I also don't want to be in a relationship with someone who refuses to do one little thing for me. I'm finding changing to long distance really hard. So confused, opinions? Advice on how to resolve this?

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Reply 1
Break up with him, and wait approximately 15 years until you're mature enough for a relationship.

I've heard "high maintenance" before, but dear lord.
Reply 2
My god, why is the poor lad still with you?
although yes a good night text is a very low effort thing i seriously question how strong the relationship is in the first place for you to threaten to break up over it
Reply 4
Original post by samba
My god, why is the poor lad still with you?


might have a nice arse

Posted from TSR Mobile
Gap in the market for an app capable of sending texts at scheduled times right there.
Reply 6
You both sound pretty immature. I don't know see why any mature person who wanted to stay in a relationship would feel that responding to a threat with exactly the same attitude would get anywhere, but I digress.

You're getting butthurt because he didn't text goodnight 2/7 days?

Are you sure you're not just looking for things to get upset over because you can't handle LDR's?
Reply 7
Original post by Joinedup
Gap in the market for an app capable of sending texts at scheduled times right there.


you could be onto something there.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 8
I believe it already exists lads, this dude just hasn't thought about it yet

Maybe he's too sleep deprived to have considered it
I believe professor Lupin had the best line for this.
"Riddikulus"
Original post by Kaiju
You both sound pretty immature. I don't know see why any mature person who wanted to stay in a relationship would feel that responding to a threat with exactly the same attitude would get anywhere, but I digress.

You're getting butthurt because he didn't text goodnight 2/7 days?

Are you sure you're not just looking for things to get upset over because you can't handle LDR's?


I know threats are not great, but it wasn't an empty threat. I can't handle not sleeping. It definitely is exacerbated by the long distance but I don't think that's the whole of it.

Also, perhaps I didn't let on the whole story. I'm worried in general that he's happy to be in the relationship as long as I'm meeting his needs but doesn't care about mine. This worry stems from the fact he is selfish in bed, 90 percent of the time we're in his fav position which is my least fav, I like moving around he doesn't. He wants a blowjob every morning but has NEVER gone down on me, and deflects any suggestion of it. Haven't had experience of this before, all my exes have been really keen to please me.

Perhaps a goodnight text seems really stupid but that's the point, people don't agree on everything all the time. I want to be with someone who may think something seems stupid but if it's easy enough will do it if it will make me happy. I think a lot of religion is pointless but I'm obersevant in his present because it upsets him if I'm not, even though I think the rules are outdated and pointless. I honestly don't mind because I want to please him, however i makes me think he doesn't like me enough if he's unwilling to do the same for me.
Original post by SophieSmall
although yes a good night text is a very low effort thing i seriously question how strong the relationship is in the first place for you to threaten to break up over it


I don't even know... we met on tinder. I just felt really like he duped me about an agreement tonight and it made me think, if he can be sly about that what else can he be sly about. So I checked tinder and it said he was on it before he went to bed :/ I haven't been on it the entire length of the relationship and just kind of trusted when we became official that he would stop using it. I'm trying to tell myself maybe he just uses it for the ego boost of matches and isn't actually chatting to anyone but this has made me feel really sick :/
Original post by samba
My god, why is the poor lad still with you?


Just because I have a relationship need which you clearly do not have and one night did one stupid thing (threatening) does not mean I'm a bad girlfriend and he's the 'poor lad'. I threatened out of desperation because I do not feel like he's listening and didn't know what else to try. Everyone has some bad qualities and makes some mistakes. However most the time, I'm a good listener, intelligent, same sense of humour. I'll do little things for him to make his life easier, like last week he kept saying how he needed something but didn't have time to go to the shops - so I found it online and ordered it to his house.

ETC My problems probably are silly and unimportant and I will realise that in the morning when I've had some sleep and can think straight but I came here for constrcuctive advice not critisism. E.g how can I communicate better when I don't feel listened to without resorting to breaking up or actually breaking up?
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
Just because I have a relationship need which you clearly do not have and one night did one stupid thing (threatening) does not mean I'm a bad girlfriend and he's the 'poor lad'. I threatened out of desperation because I do not feel like he's listening and didn't know what else to try. Everyone has some bad qualities and makes some mistakes. However most the time, I'm a good listener, intelligent, same sense of humour. I'll do little things for him to make his life easier, like last week he kept saying how he needed something but didn't have time to go to the shops - so I found it online and ordered it to his house.

ETC My problems probably are silly and unimportant and I will realise that in the morning when I've had some sleep and can think straight but I came here for constrcuctive advice not critisism. E.g how can I communicate better when I don't feel listened to without resorting to breaking up or actually breaking up?


Please post a picture of yourself so we can workout whether you're worth all this hassle this poor lads getting.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
I'm a 2nd year student, my boyfriend has a very demanding job in london. My uni is 2-3 hours from London.

He is great in that he calls me every day, and if I call he'll get back to me very quickly. I do really enjoy phone conversations but it doesn't matter how long we speak I still crave a goodnight text afterwards. It's just one thing, it's not (in my opinion but he would argue) difficult. However, twice last week he didn't and twice this week he didn't.


He is working ridiculous long hours and is exhausted and I do feel one hand that in perspective a goodnight text shouldn't be important in the scheme of things. On the other hand, it's something that takes 5 minutes or less to do, and really doesn't require much effort. I find it so hard to get to sleep if I don't get one. I don't know why it upsets me so much but it feels like do whatever he asks in the relationship and this is the the one thing I ask and it's like he can't be arsed half the time (he argues he is just forgetful when exhausted). However, like i said does generally put in a lot of effort in every day with calling.

I pretty much threatened breaking up with him, and he retaliated that we'd be breaking him up soon as I'm making him more tired (he often works till midnight but a couple of times I've woken him up by calling him around then when I haven't received a text) . I love him and I don't want to break up but I also don't want to be in a relationship with someone who refuses to do one little thing for me. I'm finding changing to long distance really hard. So confused, opinions? Advice on how to resolve this?


People don't always do what you want, and you can't force people to do what you want.

So either you break up with him or you accept he might not always send that goodnight text. Simplez.
Original post by Doctor_Einstein
People don't always do what you want, and you can't force people to do what you want.

So either you break up with him or you accept he might not always send that goodnight text. Simplez.


He's not just 'people' he's my boyfriend. If he loved me surely he'd want to do something which I've expressed would mean a lot to me when it takes such little time/ effort? I don't ask anything else from him. So I guess my question is, why does he not want to? He states being overworked/exhausted yet he can always find the time/effort to call (presumably as he craves hearing my voice).
Original post by MrMango
Please post a picture of yourself so we can workout whether you're worth all this hassle this poor lads getting.

Posted from TSR Mobile


Wow, so my 'worth' is based soley on my looks. I really hope you're a troll and not honestly that shallow.
Reply 17
Original post by Anonymous
Wow, so my 'worth' is based soley on my looks. I really hope you're a troll and not honestly that shallow.


Me a troll? you're trolling the poor lad you say you love.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Reply 18
met on tinder
gg that tells me everything I need to know

break up with him already you fool
you clearly don't have matching outlooks here

the bedroom stuff is just icing on the cake of mistrust

I get the impression he either doesn't care or he's a bit of a potato because some of the things he's whining about are ridiculously easy to fix

If he's genuinely that tired tho that would raise health concerns imo
You should tell him to see a doctor and improve his diet
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 19
Original post by Kaiju
met on tinder
gg that tells me everything I need to know

break up with him already you fool
you clearly don't have matching outlooks here

the bedroom stuff is just icing on the cake of mistrust

I get the impression he either doesn't care or he's a bit of a potato because some of the things he's whining about are ridiculously easy to fix

If he's genuinely that tired tho that would raise health concerns imo
You should tell him to see a doctor and improve his diet


You need to stop talking...pronto.

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