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I feel like **** at uni; are these people even my friends?

Where do I start?

When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.

This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group; we have our little friendship group in the course) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!

I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...

Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.

Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...
(edited 9 years ago)

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I have experienced similar before. Just look around and spot fellow social introverts. You'd be surprised.
Reply 2
Talk to some other people, seems like these girls have got a little clique going on, don't hang around with them if it makes you uncomfortable
Reply 3
Original post by icup12
Where do I start?

When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.

This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!

I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...

Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.

Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...


Chin up darling. Force yourself to make some new friends. Otherwise you'll be in a downwards spiral if you let yourself feel isolated.
Look, I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I don't want to make you depressed but they're probably bitching about you.

It's not your fault. Socially anxious people can be loved.

The best thing to do would be to make new friends and cut the chord from these toxic ones. Maybe its your neediness they despise. I know its bad, but that's just how the world is. Neediness is repelling.
Cut your losses and make new friends. They are not worth feeling miserable over.
Reply 6
They hurt you, you try and hurt them. Whenever they talk to you, try and answer with as few words as possible or just saying "mmm" (as in mmm yeah sure i agree kind of way) in a way that shows your disdain for them. If a question can be answered with yes or no answer with yes or no. Don't ask questions of your own. If they actually care they'll confront you, you can tell them why you're annoyed and then skip off down the yellow brick road waving the finger at them with your back turned.
I get where you're coming from
and like everyone else said: try and make new friends which is easier said than done
look for people who you don't normally hang around with but seem really friendly

I would say that you should still hang around with these so called 'friends'
as you don't want to be a complete loner
but as soon as you make new ones, just completely ignore them after that
You don't make friends in a week; you can't possibly have known her well. Unless she made some sort of commitment to be yours and yours alone, I think you're over reacting. Best thing to do would be to try meeting new people, although that's easier said than done.
Let it go. Feeling apathy towards someone is only going to eat away at you. Start afresh and give everyone a chance for friendship
Reply 10
I'm trying to meet new people but they're always in a group so if I just introduce myself... they're be like... "who the f are you - go away" :frown:

The worst thing is, societies in my uni doesn't have what I like - it's all sports :frown:

So hard making friends :frown:

When I came here, I was like, right! I'm ready to make some friends at uni!... then here I am... totally opposite. Seeing people with their flatmates being close makes me a tad jealous cos people in my flat are already in a circle with other flat blocks :frown:.
You don't need friends when you have got food, water, shelter, scapegoats and improvised weaponry!
They seem like horrible people esp the Katie girl. You're honestly better off without them!! Try joining societies (not too late) and make friends there or talk to other people on your course.
Reply 13
Original post by icup12
Where do I start?

When I started moving in the flat, I met my fellow classmate (let's call her Katie) who I talked to over Facebook before. It was nice since she was the same ethnicity as me.
After a week, she talked to other people in our course (Of course I did too) and after several days, I missed one day (it was a full day full of lectures) and when I fully recovered the next day, they organised to meet in the library without me. I felt so left out. The day I wasn't here, they automatically become "best friends".
Every time I meet up with them, it gets awkward - it's like they don't want me there. I can sense it. Cos one time, we was walking to a lecture and I was in front of her walking towards our seats and 30 minutes later, she goes "where's so-and-so (meaning me)"... I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.

This recently happened as well... the lecturer gave us a task to work in groups of 3/4 and once we dispersed, She (Katie) said, "I'm going to work with Hannah (this girl in our group) and She (Katie) looked at me and said "who are you working with?" and I said "I thought I was working with you guys" and she said "Oh.." ... I mean...come on!!

I was friends with her before the course started and now she's become like this - leaving me out on this like I'm invisible. I feel so depressed. I know I shouldn't dwelll on this but it doesn't make sense... I just want to cry cos that's all the friends I've got...

Uni will be fun they said... fun... on top of that, I have social anxiety which probably why I'm hated... ugh. Can someone kill me now... I had depression before going to uni too... feels like it's coming back.

Maybe I don't deserve to have friends...



I'm basically going through a similar thing at university and having anxiety surely does not help.

Please remember flatmates are not the be all and end all of university life. They are probably maximum 10 people out of 1000s at your university.

I would urge you to join up with societies and go to events, although I appreciate that this isn't easy with social anxiety. There are often student-led support group at universities where you can connect with others. Unfortunately mine does not have one and so I will shortly be attending a meetup.com social anxiety support group within the city to give me the skills to hopefully join in at campus activities more. I went to a Buddhist philosophy meeting at the university this week and whilst I didn't make great friends with anyone it was nice just to begin little connections, practise talking to others and who knows where it could all lead? I am basically doing 1 thing minimum per day to tear me out of my comfort zone. Sometime those are big like talking to someone on the dreaded tube and other times they are small things that most people don't even think about like walking through the common room in my halls literally from one door to another which is a killer when I am anxious.

You will some at people at university who have not quite managed to rid themselves of playground habits. Two faced people, cliquey people, immature people, arrogant people and you may just wind up even living with them. Don't panic or beat yourself up remember you are worth more than their opinions and how they treat you. But to tell you the truth you will now have to be active about it if you do want to find friends... As I mentioned I am going through the exact same thing.

Good luck!
Reply 14
Original post by icup12
Where do I start?


This social anxiety an depression of yours - is it diagnosed?
join some societies, its a great way of making new friends
Reply 16
Sounds like you need to make new friends. Try speaking to other people on your course, or join new societies. If there isn't one to your liking, make one!

Though I have to say:

Original post by icup12
I WAS IN FRONT OF HER. WALKING IN FRONT OF HER. HOW COULD SHE NOT SEEN ME.



Some people just aren't perceptive when they're walking. I fail to notice friends and family all the time that way! :lol:
You do deserve friends. I think you need to branch out your social circle more because it sounds like you've just constricted it to this one girl or the people you've met on facebook. You can make friends by just talking to random people in the elevator in your block or join societies and go from there :-)


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Reply 18
Stop being so dependent on the attention other people give you.
OP sounds like you've had a lucky escape. At least she's shown her true colours so early in the year and not when you'd invested more time and energy into your friendship. Just don't bother with her and look around the class find someone interesting and start chatting

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