mum thinks i'm a disappointment :(

Hi, I read your post, and i'm sure you are not a disappointment. It's happened to me before, but with confidence, and time, it got better.

I'm 27 now, and when I was 16/17/18, I was somewhat of a rebel. I was the black sheep of the family. Ended up getting thrown out and into hostels. My sister got A*, whereas I spent too much time skipping classes and walked away with C/D's. (Not bad, but not as good as 'my sister'). She was the pure, model child liking men, I was the strange one with dark hair, and piercings who liked women. Told I was such a disappointment and basically my family washed their hands of me.

I cannot describe how low I felt during those years, but I guess its similar to how your feeling now. Well, things will get better. I promise you that! I had to move away to a strange place, and sit in a self contained room, with no friends, transport, miles away from my family.

In time things got better. I stopped trusting people, and stopped giving a #*/$ what people thought of me. I passed my driving test, scraped money together and moved back to my home town. I got my head down in the hostel and resat GCSE's. I got a full time job on the back of those results, and I've been there 9 years now. I've also adopted a little boy who my mother loves to bits.

I didn't speak to my family until I was 21, as I was upset. I would sit and cry, and wish I had the courage to pick up the phone.

Fast forward 6 years, mums been very poorly, and I haven't been over well either. Both of us are very grateful at the chance of life again. I said to her when I started my degree 'I will graduate like my sister, I will make you happy'.

She replied with - you will always be brilliant to me. You don't have to do a degree to make me proud of you. I'm happy with whatever you do. As for my sister, she hasn't spoken to my parents in 5 years, (since she requested 'financial assistance for a mortgage', and was refused). They weren't good enough then.

What I am trying to say is, have confidence. Go downstairs, and have a convo with her (but don't get upset), offer her a cup of tea, ask if you can run her a bath. (simple thing I know, but it's the long term plan) When your off to bed, say I love you , it will prompt her.

At some point, she will realise you are a grown individual, and she still loves you. She wouldn't want to hurt you, or see your upset. Maybe if your of legal age, take her down the pub for a drink!

You only get one life, and one chance, so go give her a hug and a cuppa, and let her know, that even if she thinks your a failiure (which your not), then you love her. Maybe drop in a comment about 'aiming for a first to make you proud'. She might say that she is already proud.

Don't worry about friends for now, you will meet loads at uni.

If she doesn't soften, dont let it stand in your way with studies. Live your life, dont cry, and when your making a sucsess of yourself, she will realise how much you have strived.

Once your aunt's daughter is at uni, and then settling down and having children etc, then these friends will disappear. I only have 2 friends left from before I moved away. Friends you know at school/late teens, all grow up/move away, have kids. Don't base your life on how many friends someone else has!

Apologies for the long rambling reply. I've been on the merlot. . Basically what I'm trying to say is don't give a frig what people say or think. Just be you. And if they don't like it, their loss.

10 years ago I was classed as a 'screwed up dyke of a sister'. Now I'm a 'mum', working, and studying, and closer to my parents than I have ever been. Sibling rivalry is epic, so maybe she was just trying to avoid an argument with her sister. As a parent, take it from me, I'm sure your mum would be feeling awful if she knew you overheard them.

Keep smiling, and good luck

I made a thread before about turning 18 and crap my life is, well quick update, its still the same, worse actually but i've come to terms with being an 'adult' and my childish appearance. But recently, actually today, I heard my mum and aunt talking about me. They were comparing their kids (me and my cousin) were both girls.
My mum said how i was a nobody. How i never go out, never call anyone, never bring any friends home - basicly how unpopular i am. And my aunt responded that she'd wish her daughter (my cousin) was like me. She said her daughter is popular always brings a new friend home, always on the phone, always out late and partying. I just sat in my room crying just feeling really **** about myself and depressed. I find my aunt a sick twisted person now and i used to like her but why would you want me as a daugher, really? A social outkast/reject? Yeah right.
But it hurts worst when your parent describes just how much of a looser you are and whats worst is thats exactly how i'd describe myself.
Honestly when i feel like i'm finally accepting my existance in life something always happens which i usually can't ignore and i fall of the path, sigh.
I need to stop caring about what people think of me and get out there and do something, but its hard. I don't want to wait for uni and come to find i'll still be hopeless.

But where and how do i start? Also has this ever happened to anyone?

Sorry for the long post but i just had to vent.

What? If that's the conversation your mum and aunt had, why the hell have you twisted it so badly? You somehow misinterpreted an innocent talk between them, into them mocking and humiliating you? Are you sure you don't suffer from some emotional instability? (serious) - I literally read the dialogue between the two, then read your reaction about crying. Want to know my reaction? Well, it goes like: What The F@ck!

If you were my child I would be proud of you and your social status would not matter to me one bit.

There are toxic people everywhere. Don't let them control you. Become someone amazing then when you're on the news for excelling in whatever you choose to excel in say the word "Mathemagical" so I know you made it, I'm counting on you

It sounds like your mum is worried about you and was reaching out to her sister for advice.

Even though it might seem that way. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It doesn't really sound like your parents hate you or anything.

I'm 25 now, and only just starting my PGCE after wasting 1 year (changing course), taking effectively 2 years doing nothing (before and after university) so... You can imagine that my parents might be thinking WTF.

They have occasionally said to me that I'm screwing up my own life, and that I shouldn't be so lazy etc. But at the end of the day, I know they'll still let me stay at home and look after me since I'm their son after all.

You have plenty of time to change between now and after graduating and working. D

I made a thread before about turning 18 and crap my life is, well quick update, its still the same, worse actually but i've come to terms with being an 'adult' and my childish appearance. But recently, actually today, I heard my mum and aunt talking about me. They were comparing their kids (me and my cousin) were both girls.
My mum said how i was a nobody. How i never go out, never call anyone, never bring any friends home - basicly how unpopular i am. And my aunt responded that she'd wish her daughter (my cousin) was like me. She said her daughter is popular always brings a new friend home, always on the phone, always out late and partying. I just sat in my room crying just feeling really **** about myself and depressed. I find my aunt a sick twisted person now and i used to like her but why would you want me as a daugher, really? A social outkast/reject? Yeah right.
But it hurts worst when your parent describes just how much of a looser you are and whats worst is thats exactly how i'd describe myself.
Honestly when i feel like i'm finally accepting my existance in life something always happens which i usually can't ignore and i fall of the path, sigh.
I need to stop caring about what people think of me and get out there and do something, but its hard. I don't want to wait for uni and come to find i'll still be hopeless.

But where and how do i start? Also has this ever happened to anyone?

Sorry for the long post but i just had to vent.