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Why are break ups so intense ?

You hear all the time where a couple break up and they then go get drunk or become very unstable not for a small period of time but for like a year or longer. But why ?

I understand its hard but cant the person understand that depsite what happens its in the past and she/he was never the right one and never will be and move on ?

Sorry for being naive but someone please explain why its so hard ? Go into detail about love ect or even your own experience.....

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Sometimes it's not just liking the other person, those break ups that are the most intense are when the love us not returned. Sometimes it's putting all your trust and faith in someone. Imagine giving someone everything you had, your time, love, attention, support, virginity etc. And then all of a sudden they turn around and throw it all back into your face. You're going to feel betrayed aren't you? You're going to feel inadequate and that all this time you meant nothing to that person. You begin to lose trust in people, you become paranoid, you feel worthless, the list goes on. Emotions are very dangerous things once a person loses control of them.

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Reply 2
Original post by Afghan Warrior
Sometimes it's not just liking the other person, those break ups that are the most intense are when the love us not returned. Sometimes it's putting all your trust and faith in someone. Imagine giving someone everything you had, your time, love, attention, support, virginity etc. And then all of a sudden they turn around and throw it all back into your face. You're going to feel betrayed aren't you? You're going to feel inadequate and that all this time you meant nothing to that person. You begin to lose trust in people, you become paranoid, you feel worthless, the list goes on. Emotions are very dangerous things once a person loses control of them.

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But wouldnt you have realised early on that the love wasnt returned before hand or a little earlier before it esclated ? Surely you can tell someone isnt interested.......
Reply 3
When things are good, the attraction, the fun and the sex are intensely motivating and enjoyable. So when this ends of course there is angst. In longer term relationships you can add to the mix betrayal and a sense of lost investment.
You're afraid it has all been wasted time.
der prob bee academic literature on dis!?

Attachment psychology etc.?
I only found the break-up difficult until I found out he'd cheated, then it was substantially easier! So I guess there's a bit of self-blame and difficulty accepting it? In my case he had even said the day before that he'd never break-up with me, and the sudden change of heart made it a lot worse, especially when he was a prick for weeks after (guilty I guess)
Original post by IMBCFC
You hear all the time where a couple break up and they then go get drunk or become very unstable not for a small period of time but for like a year or longer. But why ?

I understand its hard but cant the person understand that depsite what happens its in the past and she/he was never the right one and never will be and move on ?

Sorry for being naive but someone please explain why its so hard ? Go into detail about love ect or even your own experience.....


Sometimes that isn't true though is it, which makes it hard.
Reply 8
Original post by IMBCFC
But wouldnt you have realised early on that the love wasnt returned before hand or a little earlier before it esclated ? Surely you can tell someone isnt interested.......


Not always, especially if they still tell you that they love you, and you've built-up a level of trust with them- it depends how honest the partner is being
Reply 9
When you're in a relationship, if it's been good you become entirely fixated on this person being your main source of communication, laughter as well as everything else that goes with it depending on how intimate you get, they're your best friend and your lover. Your life ends up working around your partner without you even realise it, they take up all your free time because you don't much care for giving it to anyone but them because they make you feel so great. Most break-ups come suddenly and abruptly for the one who gets dumped, you end up not having them there to talk to, or to spend time with, the time you spent talking to them now becomes too much for you to know what to do with and you end up just thinking about the time together even if you don't necessarily want them back. Whilst you thought everything was fine, they were slowly developing a plan to break free without letting on to you. It's not easy for them either as although they ended it, they feel guilty for how bad the break-up has made you feel, and they too have too much time on their hands, a void they can't fill. It also can end up making you realise negative things in yourself, worsen a depression you never realised you already had, makes you see how little friends and social life you have besides when you were with that person, although not always the case
Original post by Dr Pesto
Sometimes that isn't true though is it, which makes it hard.


But if its not true and they are the right one there's no problem ?
Original post by The_Last_Melon
You're afraid it has all been wasted time.


Time which is in the past therefore your realise your best days are ahead of you.
Original post by hutch3572
When you're in a relationship, if it's been good you become entirely fixated on this person being your main source of communication, laughter as well as everything else that goes with it depending on how intimate you get, they're your best friend and your lover. Your life ends up working around your partner without you even realise it, they take up all your free time because you don't much care for giving it to anyone but them because they make you feel so great. Most break-ups come suddenly and abruptly for the one who gets dumped, you end up not having them there to talk to, or to spend time with, the time you spent talking to them now becomes too much for you to know what to do with and you end up just thinking about the time together even if you don't necessarily want them back. Whilst you thought everything was fine, they were slowly developing a plan to break free without letting on to you. It's not easy for them either as although they ended it, they feel guilty for how bad the break-up has made you feel, and they too have too much time on their hands, a void they can't fill. It also can end up making you realise negative things in yourself, worsen a depression you never realised you already had, makes you see how little friends and social life you have besides when you were with that person, although not always the case


Very understandable and good:smile:. You get post rating....
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by IMBCFC
Very understandable and good:smile:. You get post rating....



Cheers hahaha, im good at explaining cus it's everything I'm going through atm. The only way you can truly know the answer to your thread is by going through an intense break-up yourself, but i wouldn't wish it on anyone
Original post by hutch3572
Cheers hahaha, im good at explaining cus it's everything I'm going through atm. The only way you can truly know the answer to your thread is by going through an intense break-up yourself, but i wouldn't wish it on anyone


Good luck with what your going through, hope it works out. Its it a friendship break up or relationship ?
Original post by IMBCFC
Good luck with what your going through, hope it works out. Its it a friendship break up or relationship ?


She was my best friend for a couple of months, then we went out, ended after a month cus she went into it too soon after a previous break up from a 7 month relationship, and wont give me another chance in the future. I miss her as my girlfriend, but i miss her as my best friend just as much. When they've honestly been both and you're not just saying it, breaking up is awful. Wish we hadn't have gone out even though it was me who made it happen
Original post by hutch3572
She was my best friend for a couple of months, then we went out, ended after a month cus she went into it too soon after a previous break up from a 7 month relationship, and wont give me another chance in the future. I miss her as my girlfriend, but i miss her as my best friend just as much. When they've honestly been both and you're not just saying it, breaking up is awful. Wish we hadn't have gone out even though it was me who made it happen


I can understand its probably for the best. So she went out with another guy from her previous relationship ? What about your mates ie "the lads" ?
Original post by IMBCFC
I can understand its probably for the best. So she went out with another guy from her previous relationship ? What about your mates ie "the lads" ?


No sorry, i probably didnt explain it very well. She was with a guy for 7 months, it ended, she started talking to me, we were best friends for 2 months then went out but only lasted another month because she wanted to be single as it was too much going from one long relationship into another. Gutted, she was perfect

'The lads' as you put it are great, always there for me and really supportive of everything i ever do, but i hate being single, and its even more annoying when she was perfect for me, and i dont really have anyone to move on to slowly. Sigh
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by hutch3572
No sorry, i probably didnt explain it very well. She was with a guy for 7 months, it ended, she started talking to me, we were best friends for 2 months then went out but only lasted another month because she wanted to be single as it was too much going from one long relationship into another. Gutted, she was perfect

'The lads' as you put it are great, always there for me and really supportive of everything i ever do, but i hate being single, and its even more annoying when she was perfect for me, and i dont really have anyone to move on to slowly. Sigh


If she was really perfect she would be with you but she's not. There will be a better girl than her. There come a day when you realise turning the page was the best feeling in the world as there was so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on. Zayn malik.That quote helped me.

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Original post by IMBCFC
If she was really perfect she would be with you but she's not. There will be a better girl than her. There come a day when you realise turning the page was the best feeling in the world as there was so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on. Zayn malik.That quote helped me.

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I don't know how seriously i can take the words of Zayn Malik but I hope it's correct aha

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