When something good comes into my life, like friends, girlfriends, money and opportunities, I deny myself of them. When I meet new people, the first few weeks are great, but then I like to destroy any relationship by ignoring them, making them think I am disinterested in them. I had a girlfriend, who would always text me if I was feeling low, but I manipulated her, used her, and eventually left her feeling like a cheap prostitute.
I like to break things in my life, and make people feel sorry for me, even if it is my own fault, I blame others and ensnare their attention, where I leech off their social status. My friend and I went out for lunch at this nice restaurant, but I slowly turned any optimism we had into pessimism through my negative outlook and lack of motivation.
Most of my friends exclude me from social events because when I go to them, I like to be the center of attention, get drunk, then act like a child. I do very odd things you wouldn't expect, like turn up for a party, then go upstairs and have a shower, and go to bed, because I like the thought of the people downstairs thinking about me, questioning if there is something wrong with me. I sit down in a deep melancholy where I think about nothing and my body becomes very sensitive to touch ...
Weird...