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Why do girls say "it's not you, it's me"?

Let's put things into perspective here. I really like a girl, she's giving off good signals, I get her number, we talk, blah blah blah... things are going really well and when I I ask her out she says no and gives some lame excuse about a friendship ring she wears. She says "sorry" like that's really going to change anything and then later she says "It's not you, it's me" because things were getting awkward between us at uni. Well, really? Is that supposed to make me feel better because for 2-3 weeks of giving good signals, replying to ALL of my texts and laughing at all of my jokes she just slams the door in my face. This whole time she never liked me like that but was worried she would hurt my feelings if she said it so she played along.

Now don't give me BS saying it's her opinion and she can do what she want... If it was a guy who did this to a girl, there would be outrage and people would be calling him a dick/douchebag/****, etc... So none of this double standards crap.

I know it's not all girls, but it's some girls just being too goddamn nice and trying not to hurt people's feelings and just trailing guys on because they don't have it in them to shoo them away. They really shouldn't do this, it just makes guys think they like them back and then it leads to complications... Now i've lost a good friend because of this.

Am I being too whiny or do I have a point?

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Reply 1
guys say this too and the double standards you're talking about are bs - so yeah, you are being too whiny.

she was nice to you, you presumed her friendliness indicated willingness for more when it didn't etc
you're at fault here - if someone doesn't expressly say X, don't ever believe it. in most cases, don't even believe it if they do - most people don't have a single clue what they genuinely want.

it's usually because people feel bad for saying no as if they owe someone the courtesy of an excuse.
Friendship ring, wtf?

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Reply 3
Original post by Kaiju
guys say this too and the double standards you're talking about are bs - so yeah, you are being too whiny.

she was nice to you, you presumed her friendliness indicated willingness for more when it didn't etc
you're at fault here - if someone doesn't expressly say X, don't ever believe it. in most cases, don't even believe it if they do - most people don't have a single clue what they genuinely want.

it's usually because people feel bad for saying no as if they owe someone the courtesy of an excuse.


Yes I'm at fault but what's the need to play me on the whole time. Really pointless.

How is the double standards BS? A girl did this to a guy... i don't want people to say that they are entitled to do this because of whatever reason since if it was the other way round, people would call that guy a dick for doing it. Obviously it's wrong for both sides.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
How is the double standards BS? A girl did this to a guy... i don't want people to say that they are entitled to do this because of whatever reason since if it was the other way round, people would call that guy a dick for doing it.

because any set of people who're worth talking to or keeping around wouldn't see it differently either way.
maybe several years ago that'd be the norm, but nowadays if people are going to be openly moronic about stuff like that you're fully entitled to call them stupid and cut them off.

This whole time was she saying to you that she'd get w/ you?
If she was, then sure, you're entirely right to be annoyed. She lied.
If she didn't, though, you -presumed- that her actions meant that - she never lead you on if she never stated an intention, yo.
Reply 5
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
Friendship ring, wtf?

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Yeah, I kinda sat at that part of the paragraph scratching my head.
Reply 6
As an example, I've been around girls who have been overtly touchy and outright said they'd get with X, then when X asks they turn around and be all "I'm not ready for a relationship".

That's bs, but it's just how life is - people lie constantly (sometimes without realising it) and you kind of have to get into the habit of presuming everything is a lie until proven otherwise if you want to get through scot-free.
Original post by CJKay
Yeah, I kinda sat at that part of the paragraph scratching my head.


OP must be asking out a girl in primary school, that's the only explanation.

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Reply 8
Original post by Kaiju
because any set of people who're worth talking to or keeping around wouldn't see it differently either way.
maybe several years ago that'd be the norm, but nowadays if people are going to be openly moronic about stuff like that you're fully entitled to call them stupid and cut them off.

This whole time was she saying to you that she'd get w/ you?
If she was, then sure, you're entirely right to be annoyed. She lied.
If she didn't, though, you -presumed- that her actions meant that - she never lead you on if she never stated an intention, yo.


because she's foreign she was saying it like "we're so good together" and she also wanted to stay on my left because it's "closer to my heart". So perhaps she never really meant it like that but I interpreted it like a good sign. **** me for being such an oblivious idiot but I think a fair few people would see that as a sign of intent.

As for the friendship ring... It confuses me to this day also, seems she was struggling to think of a reason so just made something up with the jewelry she was wearing.
Reply 9
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
OP must be asking out a girl in primary school, that's the only explanation.

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Attachment not found
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
OP must be asking out a girl in primary school, that's the only explanation.

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Or maybe it was because it was such a terrible excuse and thought I would buy it. Clearly she didn't like me but thought of that instead.
Or maybe she was trying to make sure she wasn't leading you on and was trying to let you down easy and be considerate?
Original post by CJKay
Attachment not found


Can't see it. The perils of posting in the relationships forum.

Original post by Anonymous
Or maybe it was because it was such a terrible excuse and thought I would buy it. Clearly she didn't like me but thought of that instead.


Yeah it definitely makes zero sense. Out of curiosity, what exactly IS a friendship ring?

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Original post by Viceroy
Or maybe she was trying to make sure she wasn't leading you on and was trying to let you down easy and be considerate?


I already made my intentions clear, if she didn't want to be with me she should have said so. She decided to play along with it and let me walk her home, talk for hours on the phone and so on. It should have ended then, but she was so oblivious and didn't know how i would react so she let it continue. If I had known she wasn't then obviously i would stop showing interest
Reply 14
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
Can't see it. The perils of posting in the relationships forum.



Yeah it definitely makes zero sense. Out of curiosity, what exactly IS a friendship ring?

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Urgh TSR please
http://stagevu.com/img/thumbnail/xasluuvanpgbbig.jpg
Original post by Anonymous
I already made my intentions clear, if she didn't want to be with me she should have said so. She decided to play along with it and let me walk her home, talk for hours on the phone and so on. It should have ended then, but she was so oblivious and didn't know how i would react so she let it continue. If I had known she wasn't then obviously i would stop showing interest


She made the mistake of assuming you wanted to be friends, then.
Reply 16
I can understand why you'd see that stuff as a sign of intent and I hope you don't think I'm trying to be offensive but

ye u messed up

It's not really your fault that you messed up, given the circumstances - I mean, 90% of this **** is guesswork and the heart thing in particular does seem a really weird thing to say
But just, don't.
Ever.
It saves you the hassle of guessing peoples intentions in the long-run and forces people to either be straight up with you or risk the possibility of alienating you which in some cases actually serves to make you more appealing because of the perceived challen- blah blah blah red pill bs, you get the picture.

it's possible that at the time she totally meant it that way, then had a change of heart - but the issue is that without being specific, you can't really fire it back at her w/ the merit of proof, so as far as a truly objective viewer is concerned she's not technically* at fault, if a little unhelpful for reading your intentions either.

Say, out of interest, do you reckon she could've possibly been open to FWB but -not- a relationship, then when you asked her out she changed her mind about it? Although it's pretty lame, I know a lot of people who keep "potentials" on imaginary cloths-lines whilst they decide sort of thing.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
Can't see it. The perils of posting in the relationships forum.



Yeah it definitely makes zero sense. Out of curiosity, what exactly IS a friendship ring?

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God knows. She she's not exactly great with words but from what I *think* she meant, is some sort of ring that she's supposedly wearing to symbolize the fact she only stays friends with guys? Yeah.. okay, so she's being nice but not being realistic either. This is generally what the rant is about. I even told this to my friends and they said it's a BS excuse...
Original post by Eva.Gregoria
Friendship ring, wtf?

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looooool!! My exact thoughts!!
Reply 19
Original post by Anonymous
what I *think* she meant, is some sort of ring that she's supposedly wearing to symbolize the fact she only stays friends with guys? Yeah.. okay, so she's being nice but not being realistic either. This is generally what the rant is about. I even told this to my friends and they said it's a BS excuse...

questionable excuse
it's so dumb that part of me thinks it's not entirely fabricated, though :confused:

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