So hard to make REAL friends at uni...?
My university's life isn't so smooth. I've been in uni for a month and I've known quite a lot of people, but I'd say most of them are rather like just acquaintances, not friends. It's hard to make friends here, especially I'm not that kind of very sociable-loud-confident person. I'm always so friendly and kind to people, and when they need help, I always put my effort to help them. But when I'm sad, they don't really care 
. They speak as if they care to my face, but actions speak for themselves. People are just so fake I don't know who should I trust. There's a girl who was pretty close with me at first but now she has her own group of new friends so she no longer gives a f*** to me. It seems that in my uni making friends doesn't really depend on whether you're a nice person or not, look matters. Some girls treat people like s***, but just because they look cool to hang out with, so they have load of "friends". And I feel so tired that I always have to be the first one to approach people, if not no one shows interests to chat with me first. Moreover I'm an international student so the situation is worse. I feel really overwhelmed and daunting now. Anyone in the same boat?
. They speak as if they care to my face, but actions speak for themselves. People are just so fake I don't know who should I trust. There's a girl who was pretty close with me at first but now she has her own group of new friends so she no longer gives a f*** to me. It seems that in my uni making friends doesn't really depend on whether you're a nice person or not, look matters. Some girls treat people like s***, but just because they look cool to hang out with, so they have load of "friends". And I feel so tired that I always have to be the first one to approach people, if not no one shows interests to chat with me first. Moreover I'm an international student so the situation is worse. I feel really overwhelmed and daunting now. Anyone in the same boat?(edited 9 years ago)
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Everyone starts forming their own social groups, so it's even getting harder and harder to make friends now. People at my uni are quite cliquey as well. And I realize that so many people I know here are just friends of others' friends, so I don't really get connected with them or belong to any groups...
Eek!
My first uni was great and not at all cliquey - I have friends for life! But after I transferred to a different campus, my last one was quite cliquey and to be honest, I didn't make any "friends" there.
Just remember that you're there for a degree and networking, not for house parties.
My first uni was great and not at all cliquey - I have friends for life! But after I transferred to a different campus, my last one was quite cliquey and to be honest, I didn't make any "friends" there.
Just remember that you're there for a degree and networking, not for house parties.
Original post by XMaramena
Eek!
My first uni was great and not at all cliquey - I have friends for life! But after I transferred to a different campus, my last one was quite cliquey and to be honest, I didn't make any "friends" there.
Just remember that you're there for a degree and networking, not for house parties.
My first uni was great and not at all cliquey - I have friends for life! But after I transferred to a different campus, my last one was quite cliquey and to be honest, I didn't make any "friends" there.
Just remember that you're there for a degree and networking, not for house parties.
Lucky you. I know I'm here for my degree, and I don't expect my freshers' year would be sth as crazy or amazing as those I watched in teenage movies, but all I ask for is just having a few trustworthy friends that I can really talk to and have fun with
(edited 9 years ago)
What uni do you go to?
I kinda agree.
My first year was a bit lacklustre. My flatmates were cool, but they girls were the really popular sort who hung out with the football boys and the other 2 guys had loads in common so spent lots of time with people on their societies. I made friends in the lectures and practicals but didn't see most of them enough to call them 'real friends'.
I ended up staying in halls again for my second year, which so far, has turned out to be a great decision.
I'm really close with the guy and 2 girls in my flat (other 4 are international and don't really appear much) and we've got friendly with some people from the floor below. It's only been 4/5 weeks, but already we're talking about houses next year.
It does seem hit-or-miss to be honest how many friends you make based on flatmates and who you talk to in the first few weeks. Societies are also a good call for friends, because you know that you will regularly see them again and you already know you've got something in common!
My first year was a bit lacklustre. My flatmates were cool, but they girls were the really popular sort who hung out with the football boys and the other 2 guys had loads in common so spent lots of time with people on their societies. I made friends in the lectures and practicals but didn't see most of them enough to call them 'real friends'.
I ended up staying in halls again for my second year, which so far, has turned out to be a great decision.
I'm really close with the guy and 2 girls in my flat (other 4 are international and don't really appear much) and we've got friendly with some people from the floor below. It's only been 4/5 weeks, but already we're talking about houses next year.
It does seem hit-or-miss to be honest how many friends you make based on flatmates and who you talk to in the first few weeks. Societies are also a good call for friends, because you know that you will regularly see them again and you already know you've got something in common!
Alot of people in University are fake. I mean, most of them are even pseudo-intellectuals hahaha
making 'real' friends takes time. and the idea that uni is where you always meet your lifelong friends is, frankly, *******s. i had a good time at uni, and had good friends. but 3 years after i left i wasn't in regular touch with any of them. find some activities you like and get involved. be open an chatty with everyone on the course - not just the 'popular' kids, all of them. friendships will come.
Original post by mpepperdine
I kinda agree.
My first year was a bit lacklustre. My flatmates were cool, but they girls were the really popular sort who hung out with the football boys and the other 2 guys had loads in common so spent lots of time with people on their societies. I made friends in the lectures and practicals but didn't see most of them enough to call them 'real friends'.
I ended up staying in halls again for my second year, which so far, has turned out to be a great decision.
I'm really close with the guy and 2 girls in my flat (other 4 are international and don't really appear much) and we've got friendly with some people from the floor below. It's only been 4/5 weeks, but already we're talking about houses next year.
It does seem hit-or-miss to be honest how many friends you make based on flatmates and who you talk to in the first few weeks. Societies are also a good call for friends, because you know that you will regularly see them again and you already know you've got something in common!
My first year was a bit lacklustre. My flatmates were cool, but they girls were the really popular sort who hung out with the football boys and the other 2 guys had loads in common so spent lots of time with people on their societies. I made friends in the lectures and practicals but didn't see most of them enough to call them 'real friends'.
I ended up staying in halls again for my second year, which so far, has turned out to be a great decision.
I'm really close with the guy and 2 girls in my flat (other 4 are international and don't really appear much) and we've got friendly with some people from the floor below. It's only been 4/5 weeks, but already we're talking about houses next year.
It does seem hit-or-miss to be honest how many friends you make based on flatmates and who you talk to in the first few weeks. Societies are also a good call for friends, because you know that you will regularly see them again and you already know you've got something in common!
It's hit-or-miss indeed. I'm unlucky enough to have all the studious/ serious types of flatmates. They don't go out or socialize much. It sucks. I don't buy the fancy idea that flatmates are your second family or lifelong friends, but at least I hope I can have flatmates to hang out with, sometimes going for dinner and movies, or clubbing. For my classmates, some of them are ok we hanged out a few times but I don't see we'll become close, they just feel like colleagues to me. Actually I'm considering living on campus again next year, hope I'll have better luck. But for now, what should I do to improve the situation? It's still a bit too early to give up, but either ways I don't see things will change even if I try, I'm tired of meeting new people who are just friends of my "friends", I so wanna have my own group of friends
I found it difficult to make friends when I first started uni, my flat mates were not that sociable and often went off into their own little cliques. I lived with a girl called Danielle last year and I knew straight away once I started hanging around with her and the rest of her friends that I wasn't going to fit in. It was then I joined a society and I became friends with two girls from there and now I'm living with them in my second year.
It just goes to show that joining societies really does work and give you friends, even if they're not life long friends, they're friends to hang with whilst you're at uni. Real friends will come along throughout life's experiences.
It just goes to show that joining societies really does work and give you friends, even if they're not life long friends, they're friends to hang with whilst you're at uni. Real friends will come along throughout life's experiences.
Honestly I think it is all just luck who you end up with in accommodation and whether you'll be great friends with them or not, as for your course it takes a lot more effort to make friends with people on your course as you have to actively try to not let the relationship just be based around the course and work.
I was lucky in that I made great friends last year, unfortunately I wasn't close with my flatmates but I was close with a couple of people next door who introduced me to a bunch of people, I'm now living with 7 of them this year and honestly I consider these people like family, if I don't stay in touch with them for years to come I'll be very saddened.
I was lucky in that I made great friends last year, unfortunately I wasn't close with my flatmates but I was close with a couple of people next door who introduced me to a bunch of people, I'm now living with 7 of them this year and honestly I consider these people like family, if I don't stay in touch with them for years to come I'll be very saddened.
Original post by Chantelle22
I found it difficult to make friends when I first started uni, my flat mates were not that sociable and often went off into their own little cliques. I lived with a girl called Danielle last year and I knew straight away once I started hanging around with her and the rest of her friends that I wasn't going to fit in. It was then I joined a society and I became friends with two girls from there and now I'm living with them in my second year.
It just goes to show that joining societies really does work and give you friends, even if they're not life long friends, they're friends to hang with whilst you're at uni. Real friends will come along throughout life's experiences.
It just goes to show that joining societies really does work and give you friends, even if they're not life long friends, they're friends to hang with whilst you're at uni. Real friends will come along throughout life's experiences.
Thank you so much, I'll try some societies! But it's already been a month, will people in societies be like they've already known each other and being cliquey? Or the atmosphere of societies are generally quite welcoming to new people?
Hey
With societies people join throughout the year & throughout their uni life. So you may get some that have been there awhile (2 years) & others that have recently joined (few weeks).
If you do a sport or something where you have to mix with virtually everyone I think it would be harder to be cliquey.
Maybe try something you've always wanted - gymnastics? Martial arts (Judo, Jujitsu, kick boxing)?
With societies people join throughout the year & throughout their uni life. So you may get some that have been there awhile (2 years) & others that have recently joined (few weeks).
If you do a sport or something where you have to mix with virtually everyone I think it would be harder to be cliquey.
Maybe try something you've always wanted - gymnastics? Martial arts (Judo, Jujitsu, kick boxing)?
I have some acquaintances who I hang out with in uni, but none of them are life long friends. The life long friends are from school and family connections.
Original post by CapeWestAngel
My university's life isn't so smooth. I've been in uni for a month and I've known quite a lot of people, but I'd say most of them are rather like just acquaintances, not friends. It's hard to make friends here, especially I'm not that kind of very sociable-loud-confident person. I'm always so friendly and kind to people, and when they need help, I always put my effort to help them. But when I'm sad, they don't really care . They speak as if they care to my face, but actions speak for themselves. People are just so fake I don't know who should I trust. There's a girl who was pretty close with me at first but now she has her own group of new friends so she no longer gives a f*** to me. It seems that in my uni making friends doesn't really depend on whether you're a nice person or not, look matters. Some girls treat people like s***, but just because they look cool to hang out with, so they have load of "friends". And I feel so tired that I always have to be the first one to approach people, if not no one shows interests to chat with me first. Moreover I'm an international student so the situation is worse. I feel really overwhelmed and daunting now. Anyone in the same boat?
. They speak as if they care to my face, but actions speak for themselves. People are just so fake I don't know who should I trust. There's a girl who was pretty close with me at first but now she has her own group of new friends so she no longer gives a f*** to me. It seems that in my uni making friends doesn't really depend on whether you're a nice person or not, look matters. Some girls treat people like s***, but just because they look cool to hang out with, so they have load of "friends". And I feel so tired that I always have to be the first one to approach people, if not no one shows interests to chat with me first. Moreover I'm an international student so the situation is worse. I feel really overwhelmed and daunting now. Anyone in the same boat?Which uni do you go to?
It's one of the jokes of uni life. You spend the whole of your first term desperately trying to make friends. Then if you manage it, you spend the rest of your uni career trying to ditch them, once you realise that it takes longer to find the people with whom you really have something in common.
Nobody "makes friends" in a matter of weeks. You can get to know people and decide who you may like, but at this stage you simply don't know enough about anyone to call them a "friend".
No need to be in such a rush. Just be yourself, be open and friendly and it'll happen.
Nobody "makes friends" in a matter of weeks. You can get to know people and decide who you may like, but at this stage you simply don't know enough about anyone to call them a "friend".
No need to be in such a rush. Just be yourself, be open and friendly and it'll happen.
Original post by CapeWestAngel
My university's life isn't so smooth. I've been in uni for a month and I've known quite a lot of people, but I'd say most of them are rather like just acquaintances, not friends. It's hard to make friends here, especially I'm not that kind of very sociable-loud-confident person. I'm always so friendly and kind to people, and when they need help, I always put my effort to help them. But when I'm sad, they don't really care . They speak as if they care to my face, but actions speak for themselves. People are just so fake I don't know who should I trust. There's a girl who was pretty close with me at first but now she has her own group of new friends so she no longer gives a f*** to me. It seems that in my uni making friends doesn't really depend on whether you're a nice person or not, look matters. Some girls treat people like s***, but just because they look cool to hang out with, so they have load of "friends". And I feel so tired that I always have to be the first one to approach people, if not no one shows interests to chat with me first. Moreover I'm an international student so the situation is worse. I feel really overwhelmed and daunting now. Anyone in the same boat?
. They speak as if they care to my face, but actions speak for themselves. People are just so fake I don't know who should I trust. There's a girl who was pretty close with me at first but now she has her own group of new friends so she no longer gives a f*** to me. It seems that in my uni making friends doesn't really depend on whether you're a nice person or not, look matters. Some girls treat people like s***, but just because they look cool to hang out with, so they have load of "friends". And I feel so tired that I always have to be the first one to approach people, if not no one shows interests to chat with me first. Moreover I'm an international student so the situation is worse. I feel really overwhelmed and daunting now. Anyone in the same boat?I hear you. And imagine, I am a very active and social person and am still in the same situation. I guess it will take some time. If you ever want to talk to someone at all, just pm me!
Original post by CapeWestAngel
Lucky you. I know I'm here for my degree, and I don't expect my freshers' year would be sth as crazy or amazing as those I watched in teenage movies, but all I ask for is just having a few trustworthy friends that I can really talk to and have fun with
Mine was just like that out all hours pubs and clubs up most of the night sleep fm for the week loved my first year
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