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Girl said that I am "too nice". What to do?

My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?

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Permanent FRIEND ZONE..
Haha.. enjoy life (I joke, I kid).
Why are you so nice anyway?
Try to be less... polite?
Were you always nice, like from a young age?
Be proud of your manners, boy.
Reply 2
I see you're allowing her to lead you on indefinitely.

What she means is she doesn't find you attractive but doesn't have the balls to say so directly.
Reply 3
Not a good sign. You need to evil up a bit with some living for kicks womanising.
Make it clear to her that you like her. Yes, just say it to her face. Don't be surprised if she doesn't like you back because when girls have this idea that you're nice, then they immediately push you out of their "love zone". But there's plenty of sweet women living in this world, so your chance of getting a girl for yourself who is much better than this one is very high.
Friend Zone somebody someday will like you for who you are and appreciate your manners.
Original post by believeteam22
My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?



Why do you think it's a weakness to be "too nice"? Can there ever be a too nice?
It's a shame that you obviously care about what this person thinks of you so much that you're willing to change. No-one close to you should make you feel that way.. and i dont understand why being "too" nice is something to be altered.
Maybe its a communication issue. Did she say it in a light hearted way and youre overthinking it?
Original post by Emily.97
Why do you think it's a weakness to be "too nice"? Can there ever be a too nice?
It's a shame that you obviously care about what this person thinks of you so much that you're willing to change. No-one close to you should make you feel that way.. and i dont understand why being "too" nice is something to be altered.
Maybe its a communication issue. Did she say it in a light hearted way and youre overthinking it?



I think you two should go out
Nice is good. She just wasn't prepared to tell you her real reasons for not fancying you.

Read this:

http://nosleeptilbrooklands.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/yes-another-blog-about-nice-guys-and.html?spref=tw&m=1
Original post by believeteam22

How can I change? Any advice please?


Stop being her lap dog, stop being a little whinny bitch, stop doing her favours, stop putting her in front of you ... you'll soon see girls will be more attracted to you.

She will never be attracted to you though ... you're in the deepest chasms of the Friendzone with her.
Reply 10
Original post by believeteam22
My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?



Noooooooo dont change keep being nice, this girl is just a di*k, you will find a better girl. Most girls like me want nice guys who havent slept with every butt in the country. As cheesy as it sounds, but if she doesn't accept you for who you are, then she isnt worth your time
(edited 9 years ago)
Since when is being nice a problem? If she doesn't like you, another girl will who will appreciate your manners and kind disposition.

The jerks on this thread telling you to start being mean are just compensating for the fact that they don't know any better than you do how to attract attention from women.
damage is already done im afraid man, no worries just continue as you are, if you change then she'll just released you wanted to bone her all along, which i know man no worries friend zoning is a natural process.

just stick with it bro, and if she ever has a horrible break up with some guy ive heard of some pretty wild tales of friend zoned guys being used for 'compfort' so its not all bad, you get a gf too she'll be kinda jelous probs haha
Original post by believeteam22
My female friend said to me that I am "too nice".
I guess she is right. I have a tendency to be nice to girls I like. I guess this is a weakness, but it just happens. I really dislike not being nice to people I like.

And I realise that being "too nice" is not really a good thing and that I need to change.

But how do I do that? I never say "no" to her for anything.

I really need to change but I don't know how to go about it and without looking like an ***

I feel really close to said girl and I am afraid if I start acting differently, start saying "no" etc, she might start to treat me differently and I might not be as important to her anymore. That's how I feel inside :/

I know I sound beta as **** and I only recently really thought about it like that.

How can I change? Any advice please?


Continue to be nice and get new friends who appreciate 'nice'.:smile:
Original post by inachigeek21
Permanent FRIEND ZONE..
Haha.. enjoy life (I joke, I kid).
Why are you so nice anyway?
Try to be less... polite?
Were you always nice, like from a young age?
Be proud of your manners, boy.


Yh I guess so :/
I don't know.. I guess I have a natural tendency to be nice to people I like.
I used to think if I don't be nice, said person won't like me? I don't know :/
Original post by ilem
I see you're allowing her to lead you on indefinitely.

What she means is she doesn't find you attractive but doesn't have the balls to say so directly.


She has a bf. And I don't think so. When I asked her how she meant when she said "too nice", she said that I never say "no". Which I guess I have been guilty of..
Original post by Zarek
Not a good sign. You need to evil up a bit with some living for kicks womanising.


Yes I realise this now.
Original post by How Are You?
Make it clear to her that you like her. Yes, just say it to her face. Don't be surprised if she doesn't like you back because when girls have this idea that you're nice, then they immediately push you out of their "love zone". But there's plenty of sweet women living in this world, so your chance of getting a girl for yourself who is much better than this one is very high.


I guess you're right. She already has a bf anyway.
What is this about 'beta' and 'alpha' males? If we’re to crudely categorize men as either alpha or beta, leaving zero room for nuance, and if we define kind, nurturing behaviors that cannot be categorized as stereotypically, defensively masculine as 'beta,' then we really should all aim to have those 'beta' characteristics.

I’m talking about men who lead with emotional intelligence, openness, sensitivity and understanding. Men whose masculinity and sexuality aren’t threatened by equality with women. Men who make great fathers. Men who pick up the spatula from time to time. Men who know where the vacuum cleaner is. Men who are not repelled by talk about feelings. Men who do not need to pound their chests about every damn thing. Men who have even read a feminist text or contemplated their privilege. Men who aren’t defined by traditional expectations of their gender.

In so many ways, we expect too much of men: They are to be the unwavering provider and the protector. In so many other ways, we expect too little of them: They aren’t good with emotions, they aren’t nurturing and other such utter nonsense. When a man is both less and more than in other words, free from those expectations, some will call him “feminist,” others will dub him “enlightened” and plenty will derisively toss out the word “beta.” What we’re really talking about here, though, is simple: partnership.
Original post by Emily.97
Why do you think it's a weakness to be "too nice"? Can there ever be a too nice?
It's a shame that you obviously care about what this person thinks of you so much that you're willing to change. No-one close to you should make you feel that way.. and i dont understand why being "too" nice is something to be altered.
Maybe its a communication issue. Did she say it in a light hearted way and youre overthinking it?


Well, I was thinking to myself the same thing. She said to me that I never say "no". And I am always available to help her with everything, whatever she needs, etc. And she also said that her bf is the opposite of me. haha!

Maybe I have been too much of a pushover, and her "lapdog" as some people put it...

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