Is it wishful thinking or could my crush be gay?

So I'm bi but not out yet and there's this guy I've had a crush on for just over 3 years now.

We started off as friends at uni, we met during the first week but had this instant connection, people described it as a bromance, we just clicked, and got on so well. As our friendship grew my feelings grew, and I also noticed just little signs, that made me wonder if he was gay/bi.

One example, when he was playing football, he kept making jokes about wanting me to be the teams physio and rub his legs. Or when we played this ball game in the corridor, he made me throw the ball in while down on my knees and one time even stood in front of me and said "down on your knees" in a seductive way.He was even comfortable getting changed in front of me (ok he kept his underwear on, but everything else came off) Then finally when he was drunk he pushed me on his bed and was like "(my name) (my name) is in my bed!!!"

I had a disagreement with some mutual friends and so didnt hang with the group anymore, and by extension him, but he always stayed friendly with me and whenever we bumped into each other he was always really friendly and it was just like old times. I took a year off to deal with some other issues, and last year, I was kinda shy about trying to get in touch with him, we still bumped into each other but again was just friendly, hi how are you, catching up etc

Then this year, I decided I'd be more forward, I noticed during this entire time he's never had a gf (and he never had a gf before starting uni he said) and just things like his voice or dress sense were kinda suspicious.So when I was talking to him, online, twice i asked him about girls or a gf and he dodged the question, for example I asked if his gym sessions went down well with the ladies, and he just replied "i love going to the gym."Then I asked for a meet up, and to my surprise he said yes, fairly quickly, and even agreed to meet me in this italian restaurant called bella italia, which ive known people to go to for dates.

So I was wondering, do you think he might be gay/bi, or is all this just me reading into it too much. How do I approach him about the subject without ruining the friendship or making it awkward?

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Reply 1

L'Evil Fish

Sounds like he might be.

Lucky you :wink:

I don't know how you'd ask someone, because I don't think it's something you should ask someone, they'd tell you when comfortable.

Like people I told, probably would have guessed but they didn't ask straight out, they waited for me to tell them.

So maybe you tell him about you?

Reply 2

perflous

Nah, sounds like there's definitely something there. I'd ask him out to dinner again, and see where the conversation leads. I wouldn't directly approach the subject unless you pick up on more signals - and I wouldn't just directly ask him "hey btw are you gay/bi/whatever?" UNLESS there's been definite flirting over dinner or whatever.

Feel free to disregard any/all of that though; I'm a straight female so it's not like my word is gospel or anything.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Word of caution, there's obviously a chance he is straight and just really comfortable around you. At uni I was in the closet and 4 out of my 5 straight housemates would do similar things with me; pin me down on beds, snuggle etc. but they were all straight. One guy even got a boner when snuggling once which alarmed me and made me think he was bi, but 3 years later, I definitely know he isn't. I started to fancy one of them and kept trying to push things with him when drunk but he kept ignoring my advances. We're still good friends but just be warned that he could just be playful and comfortable around you. I think you've done the right thing by arranging dinner, but I personally wouldn't bring anything up just yet. I would probably see if he wants to meet up again and then talk about it, but again that's just me.

Reply 4

indigobluesss

Ahhh dude, don't risk it imo....

Reply 5

Neo-neon

Thanks for the feedback everyone, we've not actually had the dinner yet but if it goes well, will ask him if he wants to meet up again.

@R Dragon; would you mind saying what the risk is, do you mean don't outright ask if he's gay or bi (ok i won't do that) or do you mean abandon the whole thing, ie dont even ask him out for dinner etc???

Reply 6

L'Evil Fish

Original post by Neo-neon

I think he means don't try making any moves in case it is just him being comfortable around you.

Sounds like a good friendship you have tbh.

Reply 7

Neo-neon

Original post by L'Evil Fish

I think he means don't try making any moves in case it is just him being comfortable around you.

Sounds like a good friendship you have tbh.

I don't understand what to do then. You said yourself there could be something in it but at the same time you say don't try anything. Ok then what am I supposed to do?

Reply 8

L'Evil Fish

Original post by Neo-neon

I don't understand what to do then. You said yourself there could be something in it but at the same time you say don't try anything. Ok then what am I supposed to do?

That's what he thought.

I think you should pursue subtly.

Reply 9

Neo-neon

Original post by L'Evil Fish

That's what he thought.

I think you should pursue subtly.

Well subtlety has never been my forte :/ but I'll give it a try.
Hopefully I'll bump into him tonight, (we both are going to the same club but separately) will chat to him and maybe buy him a drink but won't go any further than that.

Reply 10

L'Evil Fish

Original post by Neo-neon

Sounds a very good plan!

Reply 11

Neo-neon

Thanks for your advice everyone, anyone else wanna comment more than welcome :smile:

I bought him a drink and I think he bought me one back, but couldn't really get on that well, as we was always with this girl (she's not his gf, they just friends from the original group who has her own bf)

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 12

Mariam35

You should just casually tell him you're gay and see if he changes his behaviour by either becoming more advanced (because he's gay/bi) or less (because he's straight and is more aware if he gives off wrong signals)

He might even come out to you if you tell him first and if he is the good friend you describe him to be, he probably wont let your sexual preference make your friendship awkward if he is straight.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 13

Sandtrooper

Volunteer Team

Bring it up casually in conversation.

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Reply 14

Neo-neon

Original post by Edminzodo

Bring it up casually in conversation.

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Any tips how?
Like im not the master of subtlety and I really have no idea how to go about steering the conversation that way, or how to actually ask him?

Reply 15

frizz-bomb

Original post by Neo-neon

Any tips how?
Like im not the master of subtlety and I really have no idea how to go about steering the conversation that way, or how to actually ask him?

Classic Harry styles interview question - what are 4 things you look for in a girl? Being female..? :wink:

Reply 16

username1530463

Original post by Neo-neon

Any tips how?
Like im not the master of subtlety and I really have no idea how to go about steering the conversation that way, or how to actually ask him?

Find a woman who you think it very attractive and ask him what he thinks of her. And then do the same with a man. Read body language and his verbal tone.

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Reply 17

Neo-neon

He's asked to change to going and getting a coffee instead as the time we picked was a bit odd to have dinner then (3:30) not sure if that a bad sign or a neutral one (he does have a point, bit weird to have dinner then) and also isnt "do you wanna go get a coffee" sort of what people say on a first date type thing? Maybe im reading into it too much :/ FML

Reply 18

Hal.E.Lujah

Original post by Neo-neon

Sounds pretty reasonable tbh. No sense reading into it :h:

I'd just tell him you're bi to be honest and see how it goes. Try not to make a thing out of it just say it. See a guy walk past and go 'damn son' or something, then make a joke like 'sometimes I feel greedy being bi'.

To be honest that's just how I'd do it, only you know the right way for you. I wish you luck.

Reply 19

Musie Suzie

I think you should go for the coffee, flirt, read his responses and go from there. Could even invite him back to yours afterwards and judge his reaction.

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