Do breaks work?

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and am very much in love with him.
He stays at my uni house with me 3 nights a week and is therefore with me 4 days of the week, and I love his company, I really do, but recently I haven't been all that excited about seeing him!
So I suggested that we have a little break of 9 days while I go home for reading week so we have time to clear our heads.

But I'm scared that I'll go back to uni and feel the same way as before!

I really want this to work, and he does too, so I could do with some advise!!

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Reply 1

TroyAndAbed

Well (spoilers) Ross & Rachel ended up together after they took a break so yeah. :smile:

Reply 2

Zarek

My instinct is that usually they are the beginning of the end. But I guess there are some examples of where they have helped a relationship.

Reply 3

Kaiju

Positive experience: My cousin had a break with his gf during the last year of Uni when they attended different ones - they're back together and as far as I know they're doing fine.

Negative experience: Everything else. The break tends to become a cornerstone that gets pointed at during any post-break hardships. It can cause some relationships to get bitter about things people did during, breeds insecurity about the future etc.

I personally feel like breaks are just symbols that people are getting bored with each other or are unable to talk things through.

Given the amount of time you're spending together, maybe it was just too much, too soon? 6 months isn't all that long, and to be basically be living with each other already is pretty big too. Possibly not a break, per se, but reducing contact time a little?

Reply 4

digitalfever

Breaks normally don't work and if you already feel bothered by his presence then... it'll be like slapping a band aid on a massive cut.

Reply 5

samba

It really sounds like it doesnt need a break, more that you need to grow up. You're not going to be excited to see somebody all the time, it's natural to not be jumping with joy.

Also 9 days would hardly be long enough.

Reply 6

The_Last_Melon

i guess it's kind of like going on the naughty step for whoever is the main taker at the time in the relationship so i guess it can work, it's like a symbol of "ok i've had enough of you here's some time to think so you can do something about that".

Reply 7

Tylerd94

Original post by ebduff

You are the one who has asked for the break not him so you have the believe that things will get better when you return to university otherwise there was no point in asking for it if you feel space is the best option to get over things then keep that in mind. You might meet up and feel some things need to be talked about and that's fair enough but you'll meet with a clearer mind and ready to talk

Reply 8

shiva300

basically, no. in my experience I have never had or seen others have a break which ends positively.. might as well end it if you're having these thoughts already

Reply 9

CJKay

No, not really. If you can't stand seeing him 4 days a week, christ knows what living with him would be like.

Reply 10

pencil_case

I read 'break' as 'breasts' at first, and I thought 'yeah, as long as you remember to change the battery.'

Regarding your situation, a break could help, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. But you may begin to enjoy not having him around.

Reply 11

Arkasia

Inb4 you bang 9 dudes in 9 days then say that he shouldn't get pissed off because you were "on a break".

Reply 12

Alio5432

Original post by shiva300

basically, no. in my experience I have never had or seen others have a break which ends positively.. might as well end it if you're having these thoughts already

How many is this based on? My boyfriend of 3 and a half years has suggested one to experiment with other people at uni. He feels like he would be missing out otherwise, but I don't believe that you need random student sex to enjoy uni :frown:

Reply 13

C_tinie_D

In my experience, breaks will make things worse for both parties... either work at the relationship while your still together or end it. Don't put some one through the pain of false hope and paranoia

Reply 14

Alio5432

Original post by C_tinie_D

In my experience, breaks will make things worse for both parties... either work at the relationship while your still together or end it. Don't put some one through the pain of false hope and paranoia

I don't really want to go on a break, would break my heart to think of him with someone else even if it is a one night stand. I feel we've worked hard to get to where we are now and I don't want him to blow it all on one night on one random girl at uni. Though he seems to think this is traditional uni life and though he dens't want to cheat on me, he feels he would be missing out otherwise. Any compromising suggestions?

Reply 15

Ice_Queen

Original post by Alio5432

I only slept with one man at uni, didn't ruin my experience.

OP: 9 days isn't really a break. It's just not having as much contact as usual. Why would you call it a 'break?'

Reply 16

C_tinie_D

Original post by Alio5432

All I can say is if he doesn't trust himself then how are you meant to trust him?
Don't put yourself through it, either your both 100% in the relationship or nothing. You should be enough for any guy.

Reply 17

Alio5432

Original post by C_tinie_D

I've told him it's a relationship with me, or having sex with a load of them. He understands that, has told me the last thing he wants to do is hurt me. His head is telling him that it would be fun to go out and play the field but his heart is telling him not to hurt me and to stay. I can see where he is coming from... kinda, but just how big is student sex considered at university? I think he sees it as the in-thing but I've one friend in her second year who says it's not that big at all

Reply 18

Musie Suzie

That dip in excitement is just the honeymoon period coming to an end. Total overreaction to "take a break" in my opinion. Just gives him chance to take a step back and wonder if he really wants to be with someone who has initiated a break so early on for no good reason...

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