do you like yourself?

So? Lots of problems aren't physically but it doesn't stop them being disabling. I'm afraid you don't really have a valid point. Mind over matter is a very real thing and it can very easily ruin peoples' lives no matter how much they want to change and how much they do to try and achieve it.

Reply 124

allymcb2

toffee2

ok allymcb i sorry that you have bad body image and that it is stopping you but it is not a PHYSICAL problem, i dont know though it might be so i am so sorry if it is but im just syaing people who dont like their appearences should just take a deep breath and go on ahead and do what they want to do anyway, like get a job go join a club etc the vast majority of people will not care what you look like or how strong you are or anything which form what ive read of this thread is what the majority of peoples problems are, its what comes out of your mouth that will matter and how you act, at college and uni the most popular people were not all these girls who look like they stepped off the beatifull bus and boys who probably spend 20 hours each morning getting their hair ready, they were people that were just interesting and they are fat and thin, spotty and clear skin, "goths" or "skaters", or whatever you know what i mean, so im just saying try not let little things like appearence or personality or background put you off anything you want to do

Oh yeah...those little insignificant things that determine your career, finances, friends and relationships. Never mind about them. What you are saying just doesn't fit with my belief system.I believe in judgeing yourself on your achievements and failings and I find myself wanting. I do not consider simply lowering the standard of what I expect of myself to be a positive thing, regardless of whether it would make me happier, it would be inconsistent and stupid to do so. Its like saying start believing in God so you are less scared about death.

Reply 125

puppy

Anonymous

It makes me feel a hell of alot better when i see people who are worse looking than myself though. Is that really shallow?

Yes, it is. Shallow and a bit mean.

Reply 126

toffee2

ok well im sorry what i said doesnt make sense but it sounded like good advice to me, so ive got nothing else to say so good luck everyone and try not to let stuff get you down

Reply 127

dementedbunny

lol everyone is fighting.

yeah the "there are people worse off than you so you should be grateful" advice doesn't really cut it. i had a really good counsellor and she said that things like that aren't helpful because it makes you feel worse and guilty for being self-depracating and doesn't necessarily cause you to change. i usually makes you think "oh, there are people worse off than me, so what i have isn't so bad" which encourages people to stay in that mindframe. some people self deprecate because they suffer from clinical depression and making them feel guilty for a genetic defect or something induced by trauma just makes people feel worse.

but that still doesn't mean they can't change. i live in a country where poverty is right there soon as you leave the house even in the affluent cities. i can't go anywhere without seeing a poor person and it does make me feel bad yes but i give to charity lots. you don't have to have money to contribute i give clothes and food and old school books and it makes me feel a bit better.

Reply 128

Anonymous #6

dementedbunny

you are SMOKING!!! why the hell are u so sad about ur appearance. I so wish my gf was as gorgeous as you! :biggrin:

Reply 129

dementedbunny

yeah i like a bit o'the green :biggrin:

Reply 130

Wasabi Tea

dementedbunny

yeah the "there are people worse off than you so you should be grateful" advice doesn't really cut it. i had a really good counsellor and she said that things like that aren't helpful because it makes you feel worse and guilty for being self-depracating and doesn't necessarily cause you to change. i usually makes you think "oh, there are people worse off than me, so what i have isn't so bad" which encourages people to stay in that mindframe. some people self deprecate because they suffer from clinical depression and making them feel guilty for a genetic defect or something induced by trauma just makes people feel worse.

Yeah, when I start thinking about how there are so many people who are worse off than me, I start thinking, "Why do those people have to suffer while an idiot like me gets to lead the most comfortable life possible?" And then on come the guilty, self-hating thoughts... so yeah, that does me no good.

To those that want the self-haters to just shut up and get on with it XD; I know that sounds really, really easy, but believe me, sometimes it's just not. And no, I'm not trying to make excuses. Depression and other mood disorders, which often cause very low self-esteem, can cloud one's mind more than you might realise, and they're not the sort of things you can just switch off any time you like. (And I don't mean simple sadness when I say 'depression', I mean something far more serious.) I can understand that this may be hard to comprehend, or that it might even sound like complete bulls***, but it's the truth. I'm sorry that I can't explain it better... I've never been particularly good at explaining things.

It'd be nice if I could just suddenly fix all that I hate about myself. I am trying to better myself by socialising more and stuff, and I've actually made quite a big achievement by posting on a forum and then coming back to what I've posted, believe it or not (I have a massive fear of upsetting/annoying people, and I tend to feel so stupid after posting that I can't bear to see what people might have said... sounds daft, but yeah), so I'm rather pleased about that. I have somewhat accepted, though, that I will never be good enough for myself, but like I said in one of my posts before, I don't usually talk about 'depressing' stuff like this (it tends to upset/worry people, and I can't stand it when people get upset over me :frown:

), so I often get so desperate to talk to people about it that I'll feel like I'm going mental XD; and I'll just blab randomly online. It's also partially because I see that so many people don't quite understand this sort of thing, so I guess I'd like to 'educate' people. It's not at all because I want sympathy, because I don't. To be honest, all I want is to be heard, after years of having hidden this. I'm very sorry if that's caused any upset.

And hey, allymcb2, I totally understand what you said about lowering your standards for yourself, as I don't really want to lower my standards for myself either, but do you think that maybe you could somehow work on what you dislike about yourself? I'm currently trying to make myself less spaztastic around people XD heh, and even though it's happening slooooowwwwwly, I do think I'm gonna gradually improve, even if just a little. Going to university has helped, I think. I'm forced to be social now, haha! I've found that problems with appearance can be made not-so-bad by doing something as simple as getting a new and interesting haircut. You have to remember, though, that appearance isn't everything at the end of the day, even though I understand that it might seem important for your self-confidence. I used to get so annoyed at the fact that I've got such a young face, but now that I've met a girl who's older than me but looks even younger than I do, I've realised that it's not really a problem.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that you ought to go through aspects of yourself that you don't like and try your best to find a solution to them. Obviously, that's easier said than done (if it was as easy as it sounds, I wouldn't still hate myself!). And this is cliched, but no matter how hopeless you feel, or if at times you feel like there's no way to succeed in this, don't give up! It'll take time, so you have to be patient.

Hokay, this post is about as long as the river Nile, so I'll shut up now. XD