Wobble

Hi, my son's just drooped a bombshell.

He's in his second year of A levels. Last year he did brilliantly. Got 3A's (and one D) in his AS's, had decided what he wanted to do at uni. He spent his summer doing work experience in a the same field and came home totally enthused.

The new term started badly with an illlness, a relationship break up (his choice) and a new set of partying friends. He's seemed a bit unenergised for the last few weeks and last night he broke down and said he's not sure he wants to do the job he was aiming for. He was writing his personal statement and couldn't think of any reasons why he wanted to do it. (I'm avoiding the actual subject in case he's on here somewhere!)

What I don't understand is how to find out if this is a blip brought on by stress, or an actual realisation. Obviously the last thing I want to do is to push him into something he doesn't want, but if I just stand back and say 'whatever' I'm scared he may change his mind again and find it's too late.

I'm tempted to encourage him to carry on as if he still wanted the same course because at the very least it gives him thinking time (he was deferring anyway to take a gap year) and decent A-levels.

Advice please!

Reply 1

tmlunn

Hi Edith

I know this must be scary to a parent and its a really difficult situation. But to be honest, it's entirely normal. I'm in my third year of uni and recently had a massive meltdown about the fact that I don't actually know what I'm doing when I finish in about 7 months. But it's normal or everyone to get scared, he's probably worried he's going to be stuck doing something he hates for the next 3 years. But honestly, he shouldn't be worried. He can always defer, change course, even move away to get some experience before he decides what he really wants to do. If he decides not to go to uni this time, he can always go when he's older. But I would strongly recommend that, if he's the academic type (my younger brother wouldn't dream of going to uni, he's a hands on kind of worker which is also fine!), that he go to uni. He'll have a great time and get some life experience.
At the end of the day though, it's important that he's happy and gets support no matter what he does, otherwise the whole thing is gonna eat him up inside if he feels like he's made the wrong decision for the wrong reason.

Hope this helps! And good luck 😊

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 2

Folion

I so feel your pain, my youngest had a bit of a wobble last year (different circumstances but unexpected non the less) and you do feel at a bit of a loss as to what to do first off.

On the plus side if he's planning a gap year anyway it might be as well not to apply this year asking to defer but to apply next year fresh with known grades and maybe a bit more clarity about what he does or doesn't want to do. He has a bit of time yet to decide re his application for this year despite what school says but if he's still wobbling at Christmas I'd definitely leave it till next year.

Reply 3

KA1995

Hi Edith,

I'm a first year at University. I suddenly announced to my parents last year in October that I no longer wanted to apply for the course I had just written my personal statements for, I had also had health problems and couldn't face a health related degree, and it just didn't feel 'right'. I had in fact been thinking this for months. I had another degree (the one I'm doing now) in mind but I was too afraid to say for a long time because I thought it was too late to change.
I'd suggest finding out if this is something he's been thinking about for a while, and if he's got something else in mind. If he does there's still time to do an open day somewhere to really get a feel for the new subject.
If he doesn't have anything else in mind (and seems as he's taking a gap year), I'd suggest not applying for this year and applying next year when he's had time to think.
I'm incredibly glad I voiced my concerns and changed my degree and I'm now having an amazing time at Uni, so I'm sure you're son will be able to sort this out and make the right decision too :smile:

Reply 4

parentlurker

my child did something similar and is now very happy with their revised choice. The only thing you can do is talk through what they think they might want to do instead and how to get there. The important thing now is that they get good A levels, they can always apply later.

Reply 5

Holmstock

Original post by Edith97

As others have said, I don't think you actually need to push him at the moment - he does still have time to return to the original idea.

My advice (for what its worth) would be to be open to all alternatives and help him to think through the implications - and in your place, I'd be crossing my fingers that he agrees that finishing this year with same subjects is right for him!

I agree that the UCAS application need not be done now, or even this 2014-15 round

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 6

New- Emperor

It seems like cold feet to me moving out is a big step and he may just be nervous talk to him

Reply 7

Queen Margaret University, Edinburgh

Official Rep

Hi there. I just wanted to input from a University perspective. Students and parents/guardians should be aware of the incredible support networks out there at university, and I tell prospective students regularly, you should never struggle whilst at university. There is always someone out there to help you. So to put yours, and your son's, minds at rest, check out the Student Support services and get to know them before he goes. Like where they're based, where's the Student's Union Office (the SU isn't just the bar, they also have welfare officers, Help Zones, confidential advice services, nightline support - the list goes on!) and know that if he does start and feel it's not right, that there are people to go to talk to. Changing course is not the end of the line, he may find it much easier than it would appear, but ultimately knowing there is support out there is quite comforting.

Best of luck to him! Charlotte (TSR Official QMU Rep)