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My boyfriend doesn't like me drinking?

My boyfriend doesn't like drinking/alcohol, although this is a decent development as he spent a fair amount of his sixth form years at parties.

I went to a friend's surprise 18th birthday on the weekend, it was a small gathering of family and friends and the first party I've been to were I've had alcohol and got drunk. However, I wasn't that drunk, I could still walk in a straight line, talk and type coherently. I just drunk-danced and sang a bit.

As soon as I got home and messaged my boyfriend on facebook I could immediately tell he was annoyed. All I said was "Hey, I'm back. You okay?" And he immediately told me to go away. So I did. But that wasn't the end of it.

He's being annoyed with me for the past four days but only had the courage today to spit out that he didn't like me drinking alcohol and didn't want me to do it again.

I'm in year 13 atm but I know that when I go to uni next year I will want to go out with friends, not excessively, maybe once or twice a week. And not even drinking excessively.

I can understand his annoyance partly, since he may be worrying that I'll sleep with other guys, but I would never do anything like that and have never done anything to break his trust before. Apart from that I can see no objection to drinking in moderation as part of a social setting.

He knows I don't want to annoy him and so I won't go out drinking. I think this is incredibly controlling behaviour and completely unreasonable, and can potentially see this being a deal breaker when I go to uni. What should I do?
(edited 9 years ago)

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Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend doesn't like drinking/alcohol, although this is a decent development as he spent a fair amount of his sixth form years at parties.

I went to a friend's surprise 18th birthday on the weekend, it was a small gathering of family and friends and the first party I've been to were I've had alcohol and got drunk. However, I wasn't that drunk, I could still walk in a straight line, talk and type coherently. I just drunk-danced and sang a bit.

As soon as I got home and messaged my boyfriend on facebook I could immediately tell he was annoyed. All I said was "Hey, I'm back. You okay?" And he immediately told me to go away. So I did. But that wasn't the end of it.


He's being annoyed with me for the past four days but only had the courage today to spit out that he didn't like me drinking alcohol and didn't want me to do it again.


I'm in year 13 atm but I know that when I go to uni next year I will want to go out with friends, not excessively, maybe once or twice a week. And not even drinking excessively.


I can understand his annoyance partly, since he may be worrying that I'll sleep with other guys, but I would never do anything like that and have never done anything to break his trust before. Apart from that I can see no objection to drinking in moderation as part of a social setting.


He knows I don't want to annoy him and so I won't go out drinking. I think this is incredibly controlling behaviour and completely unreasonable, and can potentially see this being a deal breaker when I go to uni.


What should I do? :confused:

(Apologies for the weird font, I partly typed this out on my phone)



If your that concerned about it you could tell him you want to talk like when you go out for a coffee or something. Somewhere casual raise your problem and ask him why he doesn't want you to be drinking? If you and him love each other then you'll find a compromise.
Haha read this title and then the one above "potential one night stand" and thought it was the same "anon" person
Reply 3
Has he recently become religious, or has something bad happened to a drunk family member?

Just assure him that you will not drink more than you can handle (and for your own sake, stick to that). It is not really his business, but perhaps he is just worried. If this reasonable approach doesn't work and he tries to control your behaviour, then I would not stay with him.
Original post by Anonymous
He knows I don't want to annoy him and so I won't go out drinking. I think this is incredibly controlling behaviour and completely unreasonable, and can potentially see this being a deal breaker when I go to uni.


This. Though at least you can see it which is good!

I dunno, I guess you have to see how it plays out. You're an adult, it's your prerogative to enjoy alcohol in moderation with your friends as long as you don't harm yourself or others. Personally I don't drink or very rarely drink but my partner does and I would never expect him not to drink just because I've chosen not to. If he has genuine concerns (that you might do stupid things, that it's bad for your health, etc) then address these, but otherwise you will just have to make it clear that it's something you want to enjoy now and then and there is no reason you shouldn't.
My ex didn't like me drinking alcohol, I was "allowed" to but then he'd be mad for like weeks.
In the end he turned out to be a very controlling boyfriend and took over my social life completely so be careful about that!

I don't think he should control it, sure I can understand if he askedyou not to get completely wasted at a party with 90% hot single guys but I think you're in an adult relationship and are allowed to drink if you want to
I think that's completely unreasonable.

Sit him down and talk to him about it. Tell him you understand that he doesn't drink but that in no way means you can't.
He sounds like he's trying to control you. Ask what exactly his concerns are, and reassure him. If he's being unreasonable, just make it clear you have the right to make these decisions for yourself. How old is your boyfriend? It could well be that he's worried about you going to uni, meeting new people and breaking up with him, and unfortunatley the stats would suggest those fears are well founded.

Sadly this sort of bad reaction is common amongst young people with their partners. You've got to stand up to him, or it'll just be worse in the long run. Don't not drink just because you don't want to annoy him. If one of your friends said she wasn't drinking because her boyfriend would be pissed off if she did, would think that was a healthy relationship you wanted her to remain in?
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend doesn't like drinking/alcohol, although this is a decent development as he spent a fair amount of his sixth form years at parties.

I went to a friend's surprise 18th birthday on the weekend, it was a small gathering of family and friends and the first party I've been to were I've had alcohol and got drunk. However, I wasn't that drunk, I could still walk in a straight line, talk and type coherently. I just drunk-danced and sang a bit.

As soon as I got home and messaged my boyfriend on facebook I could immediately tell he was annoyed. All I said was "Hey, I'm back. You okay?" And he immediately told me to go away. So I did. But that wasn't the end of it.

He's being annoyed with me for the past four days but only had the courage today to spit out that he didn't like me drinking alcohol and didn't want me to do it again.

I'm in year 13 atm but I know that when I go to uni next year I will want to go out with friends, not excessively, maybe once or twice a week. And not even drinking excessively.

I can understand his annoyance partly, since he may be worrying that I'll sleep with other guys, but I would never do anything like that and have never done anything to break his trust before. Apart from that I can see no objection to drinking in moderation as part of a social setting.

He knows I don't want to annoy him and so I won't go out drinking. I think this is incredibly controlling behaviour and completely unreasonable, and can potentially see this being a deal breaker when I go to uni. What should I do?


I agree with you.

Your boyfriend sounds immature, he may be a bad investment and for that you should consider writing him off. You may want to go for a guy who's older and more mature by the sounds of it.
Original post by Anonymous

He knows I don't want to annoy him and so I won't go out drinking. I think this is incredibly controlling behaviour and completely unreasonable, and can potentially see this being a deal breaker when I go to uni. What should I do?


I completely agree! Whether or not you want to drink is entirely your choice: it's not your problem if he doesn't like you drinking. You're an adult and get to make your own decisions about these things: for me, that sort of behaviour would definitely be a deal breaker.
Original post by Mankytoes
He sounds like he's trying to control you. Ask what exactly his concerns are, and reassure him. If he's being unreasonable, just make it clear you have the right to make these decisions for yourself. How old is your boyfriend? It could well be that he's worried about you going to uni, meeting new people and breaking up with him, and unfortunatley the stats would suggest those fears are well founded.

Sadly this sort of bad reaction is common amongst young people with their partners. You've got to stand up to him, or it'll just be worse in the long run. Don't not drink just because you don't want to annoy him. If one of your friends said she wasn't drinking because her boyfriend would be pissed off if she did, would think that was a healthy relationship you wanted her to remain in?


Can't really add on this. Listen to Mankytoes, his advice is almost always awesome!

Seriously, you always seem to get in there first with what I want to say :mad:
If he doesn't like it fair enough. He should keep it to himself or at least not try to change you or make you feel bad about it.
Definitely be a deal breaker for me. You don't need that kind of negativity.
Can relate to this. If you're finding his behaviour unreasonable and uncomfortable break up with him now because at university it'll only be worse. You're not going to drink any less meaning he's not going to worry any less = unhealthy relationship for both of you.

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This brought up horrible memories. Do not carry along the trajectory you guys are on now.
Above advice is good.

I wish I'd had TSR and put it to use then.
I'm a bit older, and honestly, it's not worth the aggravation. You don't need anyone to control you. Don't let anyone give you sh*t when you're not doing anything wrong. He needs to sort his life out, with or without you. Plenty more fish in the sea.
Agree with the above. IMO its fine for him not to like that you drink however its not fine for him to get annoyed if you do drink

The way I see it is say I took up smoking for whatever reason and my partner didn't like it. Its not up to them to control what I do, but they can get annoyed

It wouldn't be fair for your boyfriend to control what you do, as shown by the scenario above
Tell him to a get a grip. Your free to do whatever you want with your life.

The fact that he fears you'll sleep with another guy whilst drinking would immediately set alarm bells ringing. Trust is everything in a relationship. He will most likely drag you down whilst your suppose to be enjoying your uni experience.


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Reply 17
Potentially had a drunk gyaldem cheat before or been around girls drunk often enough to worry about what you'd get like

In general they -do- get super easy and he's probably projecting this onto you which signals he's insecure over it

Either try to work through it w/ him or see it as an early signal of a controlling partner and bail. If this is the first thing and he can cite actual reasons it might be worth sticking around, though.

Having said that, telling you to go away and blanking you instead of being like "yo, I know this is totally unfair but can I talk to you about ___ as X has happened before" is pretty lame.
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend doesn't like drinking/alcohol...



Drink more.
I don't drink alcohol. My boyfriend likes a drink every now and then, and sometimes he'll go out with his brothers and friends and drink a bit more. I don't have a problem with it. He's old enough and wise enough to make his own decisions, and besides, I trust him.

He knows that I don't like being around drunk people, though, so he might have the occasional pint at home, but he won't get drunk - he reserves that for his nights out. Now, I wrote all that not to make this about me, but to show that mutual understanding goes a long way. Of course, to understand why your boyfriend is being like that, he needs to share his thoughts with you.

It's perfectly fine for you to have a drink. If he's acting the way he is because of a lack of trust, that's a bad sign. If he wants to control you, that's a very bad sign. If he's concerned about your well-being, he needs to understand that you've thought things through and are being sensible. Which then comes down to trust once more.

This is very much his problem, and whilst you can reassure him, there is a limit to how much you can be expected to do so. For him to treat you the way he has and to still be annoyed several days later is rather worrying. Especially when you haven't done anything wrong!

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