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Can a male emotiona labuser be saved

Partner is emotionally abusing me,just looked up abuse 1 day and it all rings right, i do love him vry much he is my world we lost babie etopic 2012 then house then he got worse thing is, im not blind 2 his ways now, so i need some advice can he be saved??? Because i thought we had a life a future but the only ppl we ever row with is eachother but he always fails with the apoligies always.
Chatted with him and showed him a web that told of a emotional abuser told em i feel like ure doing this to me , these feelings is what i feel he said no u dont ,i said yerrr i do this is y im showin ya,he says he dont know he doin it, again i am not blind but id love to have a happy future, he was sexually aged three and has a control father and was brought up in a abusive home,, all his life he grew up feeling worth nothing to no one, at all.he by his teens turned im moral careless and drug user heavy class as but heroin. Abusing himself. Now aged 30 he smokes canabis since 14 yr old,he and i wen we lived tog had a healthier relationship and his paronoyer was something we both as a couple got through. Concoured his re assurance i cud cope with it. He cud. But wen we both moved home wow how things has changed again his bak with an abusive dad i cant help but think it isnt his fault at all its his dads. He is worth gold 2 me u know, he still feels scared of his father at 30 his father loves him but very abusi
ve intimidating and im scared of him but he has never trodd on his son, or me, he is scary but nice to me, but my partners mum is a slave in her home she chose that life she said in convo just us too. Can my partner be saved this is destroying my health as every1 says get rid , but psycoloy is known by myself
they r clueless ive done alot ov re search yes i am going to leave him if he cant b saved but i dont know eho can help with this noting my area or nothing hence y imon this site tonight. Can any1 helpme??
Hi
Thank you for your message. It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time. Emotional abuse can be really scary and traumatic. It is confusing when you love someone but hate their behaviour.

It does sound like he had a difficult and abusive childhood himself, but that is not an excuse - abuse is a choice and he could have decided to be different. But, having said that, if no-one shows us how to be different, or we don't have any role models of healthy and happy relationships, we may not always realise that we are being abusive ourselves.

The most important thing to me is your safety. Abusive men can change but they have to want to and accept responsibility. There is a really good helpline for people who are abusive to call. You can also call them to get advice:
http://respectphoneline.org.uk/
Call freephone 0808 802 4040 Monday-Friday 9am-5pm or email
[email protected]

Perhaps you can ring them first to get advice on what to do. I know you have already shown him a website, but sometimes that can make things worse as it can make the abuser angry.

Does anyone else know what is going on? Has he ever been abusive physically or sexually? When he is emotionally abusive it can make you feel awful. but remember none of this is your fault. There is help for you and him. This is a free 24 hour helpline for women experiencing abuse - 0808 2000 247. Please call them if you are worried or scared or just want to talk things through.

You deserve to have a happy and safe relationship, so please do talk to people to get the help you need and deserve.
take care
Jo

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