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Quick bit of advice...

Recently split up with girlfriend of a year, but i still am getting really jealous, and I hate the idea of her sleeping with other guys, as thats kind of how we met. Is it natural to think this after dlpitting up with someone, i dont wanna be with her but i still have feelings........

by the way its not likely she will as i was the first guy she has a one night stand with but it did happen in freshers week last year.........................

Reply 1

egg_soup

yeah course its natural. You were together and there for feelings will still be there. You just need to channel them in a way - do sport, try to keep your mind off these things cos they will make u miserable

Reply 2

Claire_Elizabeth

You cant just turn your feelings off for somone. Its only natural to be jealous because you were with her for a year, and the feelings are still there (and maybe for a while). It takes time to get over things like these, however she may be thinking the exact same thing, she wont want you going out sleeping with other girls. But, whether she chooses to sleep with another guy now is her choice, and im sorry to say it but you cant do anything about it! But to be honest she is probably thinking the same thing. The best thing you can do is just try to get on with life, if you want stay in touch with her it might help ease the pain a little because in a way you know the friendship will always be there!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

i cant have a good time when i go out though cos its all i think about, but for some reason i only get like it when shes out down here in the same place as me.

hmm probably not helping that we are still having sex and she lives in the same house as my good friends so i see her a fair bit still...........wha to do tho..................?

Reply 4

egg_soup

not have sex with her for a start!

Reply 5

Claire_Elizabeth

Well there you go then! Theres your problem, your still having sex and still seeing her everywhere you go! But to be honest, if you're still having sex with her, do you really think she will be going out and sleeping with other men as well???? You were together for a year, and you're still (what i would call it) casually seeing each other, if that was me i wouldnt be going around sleeping with other men (to be honest i wouldnt want to).
But, if it is causing you problems, maybe you should stop sleeping together (it can only make things worse if you are because feelings are still being expressed through doing it).
You've got to try your best to have a good time if shes out, when me and my ex broke up, i found it terribly hard to go out, but i managed to have a good time because i had to put everything in the past and focus on myself and enjoying life (because to be honest its too short to be worrying and being upset).

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Yeh thanks very much for the advice guys, i guesss we just need to control ourselves and try to start getting over it. I thought i was over it but obviously not.....................why is life so hard?? lol.
I think we will probably carry on casually seeing each other until something changes i suppose. I need to stop worrying so much and get on with my life I know....i should just get wasted whenever I go out that always helps! :biggrin:

(not an alcoholic)

Reply 7

Claire_Elizabeth

Dont get wasted too often though, you may do something you would regret! Just keep your chin up, and you know be thankful that you still are sorta seein your ex (you might end up gettin back together you never know).
Life's always going to be hard, you live you die, but in between you got to make the most of it with a smile on your face (cheesy i know) but it's so damn true! I mean, would you rather go around depressed, or walk around knowing how good you have it!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Haha thats a good outlook to tell someone with my depression lol. Thankyou you made me smile a little and thats not easy :biggrin:

Reply 9

Claire_Elizabeth

Well i think its the reason why god put me on earth, to solve peoples' relationship problems and put a smile on their faces at the same time! lol
Maybe its because i dont have a relationship of my own (and the fact that my life has been like a soap drama lol) that i have some sort of idea what people are going on about! lol! Glad i could cheer you up! (Even if it was a tiny smile, but hey, its a start!) :smile:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

hmm yeah i find that I'm better at giving advice when im not in a relationship myself! I guess you look at the bigger picture!
I know what you mean about the soap...ever feel like everything is going wrong? lol.

Reply 11

Claire_Elizabeth

Well to be honest, at one point, everything was going wrong and i came so close to yeh (dont even want to think about it). Alot of it was to do with my ex b/f (we literally went through hell) and we were together nearly a year! However, after being single for nearly 7 months i can honestly say ive never been happier! You can look at the bigger picture because you can think about number 1 for a change and not have to worry about getting hurt!
The only reason i can relate to how you're feeling is because its exactly how i felt when i broke up with my ex(but we didnt carry on sleeping together, which made it easier). All you can do is carry on with life, and i can promise you (although it wont feel like it at the moment) things can get better (im sure thats a song lol).
You got to look at it like this, nothing lasts forever, but just enjoy it while you can,if you dont you may regret it in the future! :smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

yeah its the best the way to be, im a bit of a girl and tend to think about the future way too much! :biggrin:

I have to face up to the fact that we are not going to ever not see each other in some way becuase of our mutual friends, so we just have to do what works, I dont see the point in falling out for the sake of it, we are still really good friends and i think its good that we can salvage that out of it. but we do need to stop sleeping together soon i think....soon.

Reply 13

Claire_Elizabeth

Probably best to be honest, it will only hurt more if you carried on "sleeping together casually" and then if she ended up sleeping with somone else (not saying she would but IF). It would just end up burning you to the max!
Nothing wrong with thinking about the future, but you cant realy focus on it 24/7, you've got to focus on the present too! Just take every day as it comes, you know the whole step by step, "cross that bridge when you get to it" scenario! But yeh, so long as your happy in yourself at the same time. You are right though, there is NO point falling out over it, (me and my ex dont talk anymore, it all ended on bad terms because he was just -to put it bluntly- a complete ******** who didnt treat me "well"). Its probably better to be friends and know that you can be there for each other emotionally as well!
But then again you never know, i guess everything happens for a reason, you just got to see what the future holds (you never know, you might meet somone who you fall completely head over heels in love with and spend the rest of your life with them)!

Reply 14

Claire_Elizabeth

Probably best to be honest, it will only hurt more if you carried on "sleeping together casually" and then if she ended up sleeping with somone else (not saying she would but IF). It would just end up burning you to the max!
Nothing wrong with thinking about the future, but you cant realy focus on it 24/7, you've got to focus on the present too! Just take every day as it comes, you know the whole step by step, "cross that bridge when you get to it" scenario! But yeh, so long as your happy in yourself at the same time. You are right though, there is NO point falling out over it, (me and my ex dont talk anymore, it all ended on bad terms because he was just -to put it bluntly- a complete d**k head who didnt treat me "well"). Its probably better to be friends and know that you can be there for each other emotionally as well!
But then again you never know, i guess everything happens for a reason, you just got to see what the future holds (you never know, you might meet somone who you fall completely head over heels in love with and spend the rest of your life with them)!