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Could someone mark this gsce descriptive writing essay please?

Shivering, the children are muffled in their warm, cosy hats and and gloves. Their gloves grasped the, close as the gathering, anticipitave crowd waited impatiently for the exuberant firework display to begin. The damp, slippery grass was blanketed with empty crisp packed, broken plastic cups and used sparklers. The air was flooded with the unhealthy smell of greasy hot dogs and beef burgers enticing anyone who smelt it. The muttering and voices of the crowd dominated everyone's ear drums.

Eventually, the crowd went into silence. The crackle and pop meant only one thing. The fireworks had begun. The crowd watched in utter fascination at the man made shooting stars revealing elegantly in the twilight sky. The glow was illuminating the night as the glittering gems crackle and disperse into thin air. It looked like vibrant, coloured paint had been randomly splatter on a ebony canvas.


Beautiful, boisterous and bright. The fireworks looked like a multicoloured spider spreading its fluorescent webs across the moonlit sky. Everyones faces reflect the vivid colours; pink and red, pink and red, pink and red. Simultaneously, the fireworks exploded creating deafening pops and crackles. After some time, the smoke thickens as the last pop is heard and the display comes to an end. The bubbling excitement is drained from the atmosphere as the families prepare to go home.


Could anyone tell me my targets? What level this is in GSCE descriptive writings?
that is really good bit short though
Reply 2
Around c
for a b or more in descriptive writing use the general:specific rule
Don't repeat "The..." So much ...but a C most likely
You should delete this due to potential plagerism
This is around an a** if it was longer with more description it would have been an a*** but it is really good and in GCSEs you would have passed
In my point of view I will say it is an A*

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Reply 9
i would say around a C or C+

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