My personal statement

Need opinions guys:

'Lyndon B. Johnson once said “I may not know much, but I know the difference between chicken **** and chicken salad.” This statement, for me, sums up why I want to study Law.

I believe the subjects I am studying at A-level have fully prepared me for reading Law at University. By studying Dance to A2, I have learnt not only how to land a perfect star jump but how to remain smiling while hundreds of people are staring at you as sweat is pouring down your forehead and you’re physically and mentally drained. This I believe is a great skill to have and one in which top lawyers utilize almost everyday. Physical Education to A2 has taught me that no matter how bad you are at life, there is always a job waiting if you’re a lesbian and can blow a whistle. I know this will be of great use to me because someone from connexions told me that law is a competitive field and not everyone makes it. A2 Pottery has taught me that great things can be made out of dirty, slimey stuff. This is a depth of knowledge which I know is useful and is something I intend to inform the Probation Service when they sit behind me in court some day.
As you can see, I am more than qualified for your Law course but I am willing to overlook this.

Outside of school, I believe extra-curriculars are important things to have. Having obtained a placement at the Youth Detention centre for 6months last year, I am very learned. During this placement I was very much involved with the day to day running of the facility, the staff even pretended to be not very nice to me and keep me behind bars with a chubby girl name Lola. This was a brilliant joke we shared (communication skills) and made the placement very life like.

I do do other stuff outside of school but my form tutor told me they weren’t relevant and made me edit them out. Just letting you know in case you think I’m boring or something lol.

In the future I would like to be a lawyer. I want to be a lawyer because I believe in human rights and want to make the world a better place. I can do this by making lots of money and then only buying those packs of bananas in Sainsburys which don’t let African people die or anything. Though, they are more expensive….on second thoughts I’ll probably buy them every other time and alternate..

In conclusion, I feel my skills and experience make me a great person for your university (I’m talking to you OXFORD!) and law course.'

What do you think?
I'm aware my conclusion is a little short so I think I'm just gonna start listing personal qualities/attributes.