I got 99 problems and this is one! [Girl Trouble]

Do I love her? Or is this just a crush? I've known her for nearly two months now. I was going to ask her out last month but I chose not to because this was too soon...

I find it hard to say you're in love with someone if you don't know them intimately. More likely infactuation.

Ask her out, what have you got to lose?

Actually, since she's a very closed type, I was the one who had to fire in loads of questions. I pretty much know more about her than anyone else in our Uni.

First let me introduce myself before my problem. I am 18. Just started Uni this September. Met a group of 8 friends. We're all weird and funny in our own ways. To describe myself, I'm quite self conscious of my self and how I interact socially with others, being an only child and all. I'd crack 1000 jokes and probably 600 of them will probably get you to laugh, while the rest will be just too awkward.

One of my friends from this group, who I've known for a month now is a 20 year old student who just moved from Spain. We both have quite a few things in common. Let's caller her Lucy for now. We're both in the same course.

Between us, we're both laughing with one another at times. We crack jokes. However, she is quite a closed book. She isn't very confident and she's had a lot of bad things happened to her. She's had a few anxiety attacks here or there.

Now, I love this girl but I can't seem to define how much. Do I love her? Or is this just a crush? I've known her for nearly two months now. I was going to ask her out last month but I chose not to because this was too soon and I only wanted to do it when she felt most confident and happiest.

Now if I do ask my friend out, it means I will be risking my friendship with her. When I do ask her? What exactly do I say? I'm going along the lines of; ''Hey, I really care about you and I was hoping we could be more than friends, I'm giving you one month to think about this so there is no need to tell me now. If you say no, 'we will always be friends and things will always remain the same''.

As things stand, we only talk outside Uni probably three to four times on Whatsapp every couple days. In Uni, she feels more confident when we're both alone and we just banter at times, but if I crack a weird joke, I feel she doesn't find it funny.

Another problem about this is that she's two years older than me. I'm 18. She's 20. I know age is just a number and both of us treat each other as equals. I don't treat her as if she's older and she does the same for me.

Let me finish by saying, there's this boy in our lectures. He's just recently posted an instagram to one of my other female friends in the group and has told her that he finds Lucy quite hot. We all found this to be a joke and laughed it off. Just last week, he started getting closer to Lucy by sitting near her in lectures and starting conversations. One of the guys in my group joked ''let's ask him if actually likes Lucy''. Lucy replied ''no, please don't...he probably doesn't even like me''. Now, I observed her for a while and she's been normal around him.

Now I feel quite confused. Lucy is planning on going away for Christmas back to Spain and I was hoping to ask her out just before the last day of semester in Uni but this guy also seems to like her [don't know for sure]. Do I ask her out earlier than I intend?

These are just my thoughts. I know it's quite all over the place. Just wondering what you guys think. Please feel free to give me any advice you can. It all helps.

I think that's a terrible way to ask someone out to be honest. It's intense, giving someone a month to decide is way too long, and you sound like you're bracing for failure before you've started. "We will always be friends and things will always stay the same" is a really intense thing to say to someone you've known a month. You should be more casual and more confident.

This is how I'd do it- "Hey, would you like to go for drinks with me tonight?". She might get the implication, but if she's shy she probably will be worried about assuming and embarrassing herself so she'll ask you to expand on that, ask if other people are going or whatever, so you smile and say "I mean as a date". Don't be all "I really care about you", that's something you show her rather than blurting out straight away. As for whether you're going to be "more than just friends", that's something you both work out over time- for now, you're just seeing each other, no pressure, just see how things go. If she says no, just say it's fine, then later make it clear you still want to be friends.

And do it asap, don't wait for "the perfect time", there's always reasons not to do it. Carpe diem.

Ok firstly thats a terrible thing to say to her.

Secondly what are you waiting for? You should have asked her out a month ago, no idea why you are still waiting.

And lastly ill keep this simple as you are still young and learning: next time you see her ask her out for a drink/bite to eat in the evening. Stop making excuses about exams and friendships etc. Meet her and get to know her properly and take the lead and see how it goes.

High quality women aren't on the single market for long I'm afraid. I've learned that the hard way. You snooze you lose. Ask her out this week.

The thing is, she's the type of girl that wants to get the highest grade possible and is very determined to do well in the coming exams. I just don't want to get in her way and I just think that if I'm on her mind, it's going to phase her.

I'm sorry to here that buddy and I will defiantly take this on board!

I did it at uni. Went on a first "casual" date for coffee. Then I thought I'd think about it, and leave it till after Christmas. When I returned from Christmas she had a boyfriend.

Lol seriously are you ever going to stop making excuses? You think the other guy and whoever else finds her attractive is going to wait around till after her exams?

And I highly doubt she is spending every spare second of her time studying, she will probably enjoy the time out just to go out with a cool guy she enjoys spending time with and relax and have some fun and laugh.

Okay. Thanks dude. I've never really been on a date with a girl. Actually...our friends went out to our local tennis club for practice after a lecture one night. When we returned, the whole group left for home leaving just me and Lucy. I asked her if you wanted to get dinner with me she said sure, why not. We both went to a high end Pizza Place and just talked from 9 till 11. We discussed various things from her education, family and where she came from. There some silent moments in there as well but I felt she always treated it as two friends just getting dinner together and nothing more.

The thing is, she's the type of girl that wants to get the highest grade possible and is very determined to do well in the coming exams. I just don't want to get in her way and I just think that if I'm on her mind, it's going to phase her.

Still, it's a good sign she wanted to go to dinner together with you alone. She might well have hoped something might develop from that, it doesn't sound like she's the sort of girl to make a move. It would have been a good chance to have said "I really like spending time with you, we should do something again, just the two of us, like a date".

A loving relationship shouldn't "get in her way", it should be good for her mental health and stress levels and help her succeed.

I would add that, while I previously went into how you should ask her out, that probably won't make the difference. The way I asked my girlfriend out was pretty much the textbook example of how not to do it, I got all stuttery and looked away, but she still said yes, because she liked me. She's likely already thought of her response, and it sounds like there's a good chance she's interested, so as others have said, go for it!

Thanks man. I'm going with the 'go for broke' attitude. If she says no, so what? If she says yes, then good.

Exactly, if she says no at least you can move on. Worst thing to do is just drag it out, get more obsessed and end up wasting like a year on this (speaking from experience).