Help.

Hi,

I am a first year computing student at Bournemouth University. I have fallen into a rut and I don't know what to do from here. I'll explain from the beginning to make things easier. I have social anxiety and depression, over the last two or three years this has worsened. I came to Bournemouth university after an uneventful gap year where i had little interaction with people my age due to the fact that all of my friends had gone to uni or gone travelling, and I had just moved back to the UK with my parents who had been out of the country for 22 years. So my anxiety was amplified when I came here in september.

The first week of freshers was great, I met loads of new people etc etc. However I got freshers flu at the start of the second week which then turned into a viral chest infection which had me bed bound for 2 weeks. after this I already felt like I had missed out on loads, and everyone had seemed to have formed strong friendships whilst I was busy dying in bed. Not good. in the weeks after this I went out with the group as much as possible and ended up sort of seeing a girl in the group.

This is when **** started to get really ****ed up - I never felt any real attachment to her other than the fact that she was probably my best friend, but I never really realised how much she was into me. after a lot of ****ing about and breaking up and getting back together because I couldn't justify being in a relationship with my closest friend at uni - making myself look like more of a dick in front of these people - I decided "**** it, I'm at uni nothing to stop me, lets just get together and see what happens" skip to 3/4 weeks later, relatively happy/confused/idontknowthe****what. Reading week comes along and a whole relapse of depression hits me like a brick wall when I get home. I felt like I wanted to be back home living with my parents and helping out with our house which has been a nightmare since we bought it - I've never seen my mum so stressed out.

Over the reading week I start thinking to myself what is the point in having a relationship if I am getting nothing out of it, and it just feels weird because the person I am with isn't even attractive to me, and is the only person who I can really talk to, and if I keep this crap going, I'm just going to end up with a girl that doesn't even talk to me by the end of it, because thats how it always ends. I come back, still severely depressed and even more anxious because of the thoughts I've been having about relationship stuff. I break up with her - don't talk to her for 5 days (dick move i know). This comes back to me, she comes up crying, and we talk in my room for 3 hours. I cant even giver her an explanation, I think half the reason is because I'm depressed I don't even know.

Skip to now. Ive broken up with that girl. I havent been into uni in 2 weeks. I am severely depressed, I havent talked to any of my friends since i got back from reading week due to the fact that they probably think Im an *********, the only person i have seen is my ex girlfriend (a week ago), who now after we have broken up has already slept with someone else (I don't know why this hurts me but it does). I got a 2/2 in my programming test which has made me feel terrible, ant its the only university related thing I have done in the last 2 weeks. I have 3 assignments due in by the end of this week, I have a presentation at the end of next week, another exam the week after that. People are already looking at and putting deposits down on houses, and I don't even have any friends who I think would consider sharing a house with me. I feel excluded, rejected, and too anxious to make contact with my "friends" again because I'm too ****ed up. I just want to go home. Right now, I try to sit down and do some work, but I cant.

I just feel cold, empty, nervous, tired, scared, worried, anxious, neglected, lonely, excluded, unloved, and generally not cared about by anyone here.

I don't want this to come to the worst. I cant do that to my family. my brother, sister, mother, father, dogs, all who i most dearly love. But at the same time I cant live in total misery, worried about even what my extended family members think of me.

sorry for the long, unorganised post with a lot of waffle, I cant really think straight at the moment.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

arguendo

OP - first and foremost go and talk to your GP and your university's counselling service. They are here for these kinds of situations - university is incredibly stressful to begin with (new environment, new challenges, often being away from home for the first time) and it sounds like things are complicated even more for you. Go and talk to them and explain this. I would also recommend getting in touch with your personal tutor and explaining this - you may be able to get some extensions that will mean you can catch up/complete work with a bit less pressure.

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Reply 2

jonathanemptage

Have you considered you might not be ready I know even at 20 I wasn't ready I dropped out just after Christmas 2005 and went to a different university in 2006 it was a little closer to home only by about 20 minutes (I still lived in halls) but it made all the difference.

I personally think a new start somewhere else would be a good thing for you maybe give it until Christmas see if the counseling service can help they have seen and herd it all before basically you need to sort your self out before you go back to uni.

Good luck
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Reply 3

Bournemouth University

Official Rep

Hi, Rumpii. My name’s Mandi and I look after student welfare at BU. I happened to read your post in passing and really sorry to hear that you’re struggling. We have a range of Student Support Services and resource available on our Student Portal which you might find helpful. I’ve also sent you a private message if you would like to discuss this with me directly.

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