Student sex life vs LDR

Did she take him back?

Yep. In fact I think they're still together.

Call me a cynic, but I don't think that's the best place to start a relationship from. "Take me back, baby, I couldn't get laid at the student union club nights..."

Reply 21

joker12345

19

Original post by Катя

Yep. In fact I think they're still together.

Call me a cynic, but I don't think that's the best place to start a relationship from. "Take me back, baby, I couldn't get laid at the student union club nights..."

In fairness, do you know that he came back cos he couldn't find enough casual sex?
Could be that he missed her, realised the sex wasn't as satisfying as the relationhip etc.

Reply 22

Schrödingers Cat

16

You really think he's going to get any one night stands at Cambridge?

Reply 23

Zarek

21

The only positive thing to say about him is he's being transparent about his motivations. It's a bit of a cheek really though and I would say your future together is on shaky ground. If I were you I would contemplate seizing the initiative, dumping him and seeing what the fresh fields of uni life hold for you.

Reply 24

username47781

20

Original post by Катя

Exactly the same thing happened to my friend last year. Her boyfriend got into Imperial and told her that he wanted to end it in case he cheats (lol, Imperial of all places) and he wanted the "student lifestyle", basically.

Fast-forward two months and he came running back, after discovering that it's slim pickings out there.

They always say the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

Reply 25

Musie Suzie

14

It's been said already, really; I think you're best off telling him to shove it. You're right; you can't be expected to just wait for him while he shags around (though as others have said, he's likely to find it harder to get laid than he thinks). You're also right, in my opinion, that one night stands shouldn't be considered an integral part of uni life, and I know that there are loads of guys who would value a relationship far more. I suggest you find one of them instead - your boyfriend can't have his cake and eat it.

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Reply 26

And then...

14

Just because you're a student doesn't guarantee sex, sounds like a bit of a knob (sorry I meant lad, same thing ain't it?).

Reply 27

Anonymous #1

OP

Hi I made him choose, he chose me but I felt like it wasn't what he wanted to do (might just be me being pessimistic) so I've asked him if that's really what he wants then he's gotta prove it. We shall see - thanks for the help though x

Reply 28

Anonymous #2

50% of relationships that were pre-uni were broken up by December, 90% by the end of the year, regardless of how many years they were together beforehand. Of course, there are those miracle couples that do make it through and are the exception. I had some friends who made it through the first year and second years, only to finally break up in the last semester of 3rd year (they had been and LDR from opposite ends of the globe) and I just thought it was such a waste as all the time spent on him she could've spent on having fun with friends and meeting someone new.

Not trying to be cynical to you OP, but if he's already picturing living the lad life and you're not that type of girl yourself you're both really different in terms of morals and there are loads of guys out there who aren't the 'lad' type that you could be more suited with. Everyone was determined that their relationship was different and that it would work out until it hit Oct/Nov and started getting difficult.

It's really up to you. To give him more perspective on what he's offering you, ask him whether he'd want to take you back after you banged a ton on one nights stands and still go back into a relationship after everyone's had a go at you.

Reply 29

desdemonata

19

Original post by Anonymous

50% of relationships that were pre-uni were broken up by December, 90% by the end of the year, regardless of how many years they were together beforehand. Of course, there are those miracle couples that do make it through and are the exception. I had some friends who made it through the first year and second years, only to finally break up in the last semester of 3rd year (they had been and LDR from opposite ends of the globe) and I just thought it was such a waste as all the time spent on him she could've spent on having fun with friends and meeting someone new.

Not trying to be cynical to you OP, but if he's already picturing living the lad life and you're not that type of girl yourself you're both really different in terms of morals and there are loads of guys out there who aren't the 'lad' type that you could be more suited with. Everyone was determined that their relationship was different and that it would work out until it hit Oct/Nov and started getting difficult.

It's really up to you. To give him more perspective on what he's offering you, ask him whether he'd want to take you back after you banged a ton on one nights stands and still go back into a relationship after everyone's had a go at you.

Strong statistics.

Though I agree - clearly OP and her bf are different people. He clearly thinks uni is about being young and stupid and as free as he can possibly imagine. And the last point is excellent as well - how would he feel in OP's shoes? For some reason, some people find it hard to see things from the opposite perspective, and it might make him think a little more.

OP - Frankly, I don't think I could be comfortable. There would always be that doubt in the back of my mind - what if he's acting like he's single anyway? What if he actually is unfaithful? Trust is so important in an LDR - I'm in one, so trust me on that - and if there's even a shred of doubt, it will eat you up from the inside. It is toxic. He has essentially made it very hard for you to move forward as you would have otherwise, of course him actually cheating or having this "break" would irrevocably altered your relationship and how you felt, but on a lesser scale, doing this and wanting this does as well.

He sounds like he only really cares about what he wants, and he sounds like a vastly different person from you. I am fairly impressed and bewildered you managed to stay together 3.5 years.

Edit: if you want to PM I have several different experiences related to things like this :smile:

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 30

smeehan98

From the looks of it he's basically already decided what he's gonna do. He'll probs try to resist if you ask him to, and maybe he will actually stick to it. But from what you've written here, he probably wont.

Personally I don't see why it's quite the big deal you make it out to be. The ONS's that is. It's not like he's having other relationships besides yours, it's more scratching an itch, and it goes both ways. At the very least he told you before rather than just waiting for you to find out the horrible way.

BUT it's your relationship and im in no position to currently to have a valid point here. God only knows how id react in your situation.

Reply 31

Anonymous #2

Original post by desdemonata

Strong statistics.

Not saying it applies to every university, but I can barely think of anyone in my year who's still with their pre-uni boyfriend (only 2!) but I can number off a ton of people who broke up with them - and the later they've left it to break up, the more they've said they've regretted not breaking up with the dead-end relationship sooner as they could've been meeting other people/going out instead of waiting up all night on skype with them all the time.

It also ****s with their grades as grades weigh more in 2nd/3rd years.

But as I said before, it's completely up to you OP.

Reply 32

theDanIdentity

16

Original post by Катя

Exactly the same thing happened to my friend last year. Her boyfriend got into Imperial and told her that he wanted to end it in case he cheats (lol, Imperial of all places) and he wanted the "student lifestyle", basically.

Fast-forward two months and he came running back, after discovering that it's slim pickings out there.

At imperial..? Really..? I thought it would be crawling with 'em..

You know? LONG years of a-levels=frustration & horniness.. Right? :s-smilie:

Reply 33

theDanIdentity

16

Original post by Inazuma

Ohhhh he is going to be so disappointed if he goes to uni with that attitude haha

Sweearrr ..? Naaa, I dont believe it.

'Disappointed' ? That means no ONS then..?

Alie.. Naa, youre lying.

Nope. I. Do. Not. Believe. It.

Reply 34

theDanIdentity

16

And OP.. I do not think he deserves you tbh.
Hid actions means that he has an 'im single' mentality/mindset & therefore isnt focused on the goal; I.e you.

End it. Simple As.

(p.s. Look to the posts above mine for further clarification; if youre still confused :P)

Reply 35

TattyBoJangles

19

OP - I'd honestly cut your losses now. He's made his opinion clear. Even if he doesn't end up getting with other people, he wants to. You deserve more than to be with someone who would throw away three and a half years for that.

Original post by Anonymous

It also ****s with their grades as grades weigh more in 2nd/3rd years

Only if you let it. Anecdotally, my boyfriend has won awards for being the top student in his year for two years in a row, and I passed last year with an average of over 90%.

Having every other weekend dedicated to seeing each other seems to make us more time-efficient when at uni.

For others it'll royally screw them up, but depends more on the work ethic than the being in a relationship.