The Student Room Group

invalid emotions

n/a
(edited 9 years ago)
Why would you not be worthy of her? How do you know she is not interested in you if you haven't let her know how you feel? Also, why would your emotions be invalid? People feel what they feel. And sure, sometimes the other person doesn't feel the same, and then it's time to get over those emotions, but that doesn't mean they aren't valid whilst you're feeling them.

If you really want to get over her, though, it simply takes time, and it helps if you begin looking for someone else who might like you back the same way.
Original post by valar morghulis
I havent really felt like this about anyone before.

But I have been living in halls since september, and have made a friend who I like very much. She sometimes enjoys my company, but I feel I am not worthy to be around her.
Every time she smiles I am happy. I think I have some kind of crush on her.
She doesnt like me the same. Just as a friend.
I havent bothered telling her, as she would laugh. I love her personality though. It just seems she is interested in other guys :/

I dont understand these emotions. They are invalid. How do I stop feeling this?

You can't choose your feelings, you can only understand them and learn to be comfortable with them.
No emotions are invalid - they are a natural part of being a relatively normal human and they are informed by your past experiences. At least that is what therapy has taught me.
How do I stop feeling like this?
How do people cope with these kind of emotions?
Why am I only feeling these emotions now (im 19).

FML. This is frustrating. Everytime im around here I feel alot of sexual tension. But thats just me, she dont feel jack sh*t.
Can therapy stop this?
Reply 5
Okay mate, tbh I think you're overreacting a little bit to this. You seem absolutely certain that these feelings are one-sided...because? Has she told you that? Does she seem uncomfortable, surprised or disgusted when you make any hint that you're sexually attracted to her, even just flirty banter?

You're chasing her mate. Badly. I know because you sound like a more extreme case of what's going on with me atm. The obsession's annoying, right? But I'm almost certain that whatever hassle this is giving you, going as far as therapy will only add to it. Especially since i'm pretty sure therapy wont give you a permanent solution to the problem. So far as I know there's no clear way to deal with it besides either:

-getting her.

-finding someone else to chase or just get.

-spending time away or busy.

-cutting her out of your life entirely.

From what you've said the only real options I see you have that'll help are going for her, or just waiting it out and hoping you can accept the place you've got.

Sos for being the bearer of bad news. Will update if I find a better solution.
Original post by smeehan98
Okay mate, tbh I think you're overreacting a little bit to this. You seem absolutely certain that these feelings are one-sided...because? Has she told you that? Does she seem uncomfortable, surprised or disgusted when you make any hint that you're sexually attracted to her, even just flirty banter?

You're chasing her mate. Badly. I know because you sound like a more extreme case of what's going on with me atm. The obsession's annoying, right? But I'm almost certain that whatever hassle this is giving you, going as far as therapy will only add to it. Especially since i'm pretty sure therapy wont give you a permanent solution to the problem. So far as I know there's no clear way to deal with it besides either:

-getting her.

-finding someone else to chase or just get.

-spending time away or busy.

-cutting her out of your life entirely.

From what you've said the only real options I see you have that'll help are going for her, or just waiting it out and hoping you can accept the place you've got.

Sos for being the bearer of bad news. Will update if I find a better solution.


I occasionally throw in the sexual banter and she just laughs, and she tells everyone my joke as if she is obsessed.
Your right, I need to cut her out of my life. But how.......I see her almost everyday because we have the same friend :frown:
Reply 7
Again I share that problem. Girl on my bus who's already taken.

If you want to cut her out then tbh I can see a few options with what you've given me:

-Get her alone, and be blunt. Tell her the problem and what you think you ought to do. If she's a good friend though she'll probably beg you to come back, and put up a hell of a fight. That's an emotional powder-keg waiting to blow.

-Give her the cold shoulder or avoid her for a while. She'll resent you but if you're stubborn she should hopefully back off.

-Find a way to avoid her more passively. Get into another social group, or club or something. Hopefully this way none of the emotional hell happens.

If you're gonna do this though, be damn sure that it's the better choice. It's gonna hurt like hell - enough that I won't do it myself - and it'll likely ruin several of both your and her friendships.

If you have the tiniest doubt, don't do it.

If you think being just friends with her is worth it, don't do it.

If you think there's any chance you can get her then don't do it.

Basically, this is your last resort, because once you commit to it there's probably no easy way to go back. And you'll wonder for a long time whether you blew your shot to actually get somewhere.

I'll link you to this webpage I've been using for some basic advice, both with girls and life in general. Just trust me on this. Alt F12 is a beautiful tool btw.

www.girlschase.com

h
Reply 8
Look, this is normal dating angst. Everyone comes across people who they would love to be with and the clues that these feelings are not reciprocated are very upsetting. The feelings are valid, you're not unworthy, it's just life. The best solution is to put your energy in to finding someone who is a better prospect.

Quick Reply

Latest