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my one night stand IGNORED me!

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Original post by chessplayer
No offence but if it wasn't like you , then you wouldn't have done it. But i guess we all make mistakes just make sure not to make the same mistakes again.
Also the idea of ONS is quiet dangerous like you said you don't even know the guy would you let any random stranger into your room after just meeting them ofc not!


He was the same age as me and we went to the same uni, it wasn't just a random guy in a bar..I do feel kind of stupid though now!
Original post by Anonymous
It is a bit weird how he wasn't drunk though!


OP look at it this way, you're at university - most people see that as a time to explore, be adventurous try different things. So lots of people don't want to build relationships, and thus just have one night stands. Yes he spoke to afterwards, again that's the norm unless the guy/girl chooses to kick the other person out the bed straight after (which is pretty careless/cold after you've just shared something so personal) so a good chat and a laugh can be mistaken for something more. When you've both woken up and got on with your day, lots of guys would think that as sex is the end goal there's nothing more to work towards (immature and stupid I know but we don't all become full fledged adults straight away).

As stated previously, if you find yourself becoming attached to people then you're probably wanting a relationship / exclusive f**k buddy. So rather than just having sex with someone on a one night stand, build up some kind of a connection first. I've had one night stands and not pursued them because if I liked them that much I wouldn't have a one night stand with them. It could also come down to the sex, always aim to improve, it's a very fun thing and if it's the same thing every time it becomes boring. So try and be confident, if a girl isn't confident/independent it's a massive turn off for me. I equally will be confident. Take risks and try new things (within reason!!)
Original post by hdaindak
(oxytocin and studies show this)... pahahah are you even aware of how much bull you are speaking


Please kid, do go ahead and rewrite biology, can't wait to see what revelations you have come across :daydreaming:
Reply 63
Avatar for Klix88
Klix88
17
Original post by Anonymous
And he wasn't even THAT drunk. I was quite drunk so he shouldn't have took advantage of me.

You may have been manoeuvred into the situation but it was OK at the time - and for a while afterwards once you sobered up. It's only become unacceptable because he's since ignored you. If he'd smiled at you and said "hi" when you bumped into him afterwards, you wouldn't be upset and complaining that he'd "taken advantage".

You need to look on this as a valuable lesson about yourself and what you're looking for. You're not suited to one night stands. Remembering how you feel at the moment will hopefully prevent you from repeating the mistake. It's a learning experience which many people go through at uni. It doesn't make you a bad person - but it doesn't make him a bad person either. There are plenty more like him out there so now you'll be better able to avoid them if you want to.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
He was the same age as me and we went to the same uni, it wasn't just a random guy in a bar..I do feel kind of stupid though now!


So being the same age and going to a university, both things which may have 10's of thousands of people in both categories, doesn't make someone a stranger? Er...yes, yes it does.
Original post by Anonymous
He was the same age as me and we went to the same uni, it wasn't just a random guy in a bar..I do feel kind of stupid though now!


Don't be if he was paying for the drinks all night, in some way he was planning to take advantage of you from the start, alcohol has a big effect on the brain. He knew your inhibtions would be reduced with alcohol and you would let him sleep with you. Just because it isn't rape doesn't mean he didn't take advantage in some way.
Original post by geoking
​Objectification is where you treat someone as a means to an end without caring for who they are as a person. That is exactly what a one night stand is.
Well yes it is slut shaming because being a slut is not natural (oxytocin and studies show this) and tends to be the result of not dealing with emotional issues. Therefore if we are allowed to criticise the overweight for comfort eating, I'm going to criticise a slut for sleeping around for exactly the same reasons.

Reducing who you are to just your genitals spits in the face of what makes humans different to animals - it's objectification for momentary gratification. Instead of dealing with issues, they try to shag them away. I'd say it's pathetic because absolutely no part of that sounds like a good idea and yet people so willfully do it :rolleyes:


1) For every study that supposedly shows that being a slut isn't 'natural' there are just as many proving that it is - people are individuals and they can make their own choices and just because you don't necessarily agree with it, doesn't mean it's not a valid one. Phoney science isn't going to give you an almighty upper hand.

2) But that's assuming it's not for mutual gratification?

3) Humans have natural instincts just like animals, really there's very little that separates us, we've just built ourselves societies and societal expectations.

To the OP: I don't reeaally know what to say to you apart from maybe it's just best to let it go? Don't let a one night stand let you get so eaten up, it's really not worth it. If he's going to ignore you then let him - the worst thing you can do is chase after him
I've had plenty of one night stands and never gotten feelings. I know what it is, I'm not going to fool myself into thinking guys 'like' me. When I'm looking for a ONS, it's not to get a boyfriend. It's just for fun. The sooner people realise that, the better.
Isn't that like ... the norm for ONSs? :redface:
If you're looking for something more or get attached easily then ONS probably aren't for you ... :no:
We go to this bar every Thursday with my coursemates, I'm worried him being there will ruin it for me
Original post by the.young.folk
1) For every study that supposedly shows that being a slut isn't 'natural' there are just as many proving that it is - people are individuals and they can make their own choices and just because you don't necessarily agree with it, doesn't mean it's not a valid one. Phoney science isn't going to give you an almighty upper hand.

2) But that's assuming it's not for mutual gratification?

3) Humans have natural instincts just like animals, really there's very little that separates us, we've just built ourselves societies and societal expectations.

To the OP: I don't reeaally know what to say to you apart from maybe it's just best to let it go? Don't let a one night stand let you get so eaten up, it's really not worth it. If he's going to ignore you then let him - the worst thing you can do is chase after him


1) there are no to very little studies
2) Just since we have animal intincts doesn't mean we should act on them a sleep with anyone or hurt someone we don't like we need to use our BRAINS.
Ok I've had a few ONS ( I actually married one and we have two wonderful kids together ) it's a learning curve for you, just enjoy it and realise than for some young ppl, sex is just sex.

I am a little worried that you seem to imply that you where really drunk whilst he wasn't, how do you know how drunk he was and you can't have been that drunk if you chatted to him for two hours before engaging in sex.
If he likes you and he's shy, give him time, he may approach you again, otherwise he's Young, free and single and maybe wants to stay that way.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by the.young.folk
1) For every study that supposedly shows that being a slut isn't 'natural' there are just as many proving that it is - people are individuals and they can make their own choices and just because you don't necessarily agree with it, doesn't mean it's not a valid one. Phoney science isn't going to give you an almighty upper hand.

2) But that's assuming it's not for mutual gratification?

3) Humans have natural instincts just like animals, really there's very little that separates us, we've just built ourselves societies and societal expectations.

To the OP: I don't reeaally know what to say to you apart from maybe it's just best to let it go? Don't let a one night stand let you get so eaten up, it's really not worth it. If he's going to ignore you then let him - the worst thing you can do is chase after him


1) No, there isn't. Oxytocin shows that sex isn't meant to be a throw-away encounter, something support by evolutionary biology, as well as other studies that have linked promiscuity to depression. You can't just scream there are other papers out there and it's phony science, and then ironically chase it up with an argument for anecdotal evidence. Just because people do something doesn't mean it's a good idea, otherwise we'd still be stoning gays and blacks. :rolleyes:

2) Again, no. Whether the other person gets off or not doesn't matter in a ONS. How many women genuinely orgasm with a ONS? More the point, does the other party really give a damn? No, they don't. ONS' are objectification in every sense - you are using someone for gratification and their emotional well-being is of little to no regard.

3) That's complete horse ****. Many animals have societies and social expectations. What separates us is our brain and ability to analyse our actions. Look around you and tell me again there's little that separates humans from animals. :rolleyes:

Stop trying to justify slaggy behaviour. It's slaggy and done for quick emotional gratification because someone is feeling crappy. It's pathetically weak behaviour.
Original post by Vampire76
Ok I've had a few ONS ( I actually married one and whe have two wonderful kids together ) it's a learning curve for you, just enjoy it and realise than for some young ppl, sex is just sex.

I am a little worried that you seem to imply that you where really drunk whilst he wasn't, how do you know how drunk he was and you can't have been that drunk if you chatted to him for two hours before engaging in sex.
If he likes you and he's shy, give him time, he may approach you again, otherwise he's Young, free and single and maybe wants to stay that way.

Maybe I'm thinking too much into it. I didn't invite him to my flat though he just got out the taxi at the same time
Original post by soanonymous
I've had plenty of one night stands and never gotten feelings. I know what it is, I'm not going to fool myself into thinking guys 'like' me. When I'm looking for a ONS, it's not to get a boyfriend. It's just for fun. The sooner people realise that, the better.


Quick question - how is reducing yourself to a jizz rag for a stranger fun? Doesn't it feel degrading that they really couldn't care less about you as a person?
Original post by geoking
Quick question - how is reducing yourself to a jizz rag for a stranger fun? Doesn't it feel degrading that they really couldn't care less about you as a person?


I think it's the excitement of it all!
At the time where you happy that he got out of the taxi or annoyed?

Listen, I guess I'm just saying to be careful about what your implying as your posts have gone from "I really like him but after sex he's ignoring me" to "I was sooooo drunk and he wasn't so he's taken advantage"

He took advantage of your naivety maybe or maybe he's a really sweet guy who's a little shy himself, who knows but time will tell.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 77
Avatar for Klix88
Klix88
17
Original post by Anonymous
I think it's the excitement of it all!


Then just remember that the brief flash of excitement isn't worth the extended regret afterwards, and don't do it again.

It's as valid a life experience as any other. You just need to learn from it.
Original post by Anonymous
I think it's the excitement of it all!

.....Have you ever had sex before? :confused: It's more exciting when you actually know the person. A lot more exciting. And the sex is a whole lot better as well.
Original post by chessplayer
1) there are no to very little studies.


It has been researched because there are so many arguments like this one

Original post by geoking
1) No, there isn't. Oxytocin shows that sex isn't meant to be a throw-away encounter, something support by evolutionary biology, as well as other studies that have linked promiscuity to depression. You can't just scream there are other papers out there and it's phony science, and then ironically chase it up with an argument for anecdotal evidence. Just because people do something doesn't mean it's a good idea, otherwise we'd still be stoning gays and blacks. :rolleyes:

2) Again, no. Whether the other person gets off or not doesn't matter in a ONS. How many women genuinely orgasm with a ONS? More the point, does the other party really give a damn? No, they don't. ONS' are objectification in every sense - you are using someone for gratification and their emotional well-being is of little to no regard.

3) That's complete horse ****. Many animals have societies and social expectations. What separates us is our brain and ability to analyse our actions. Look around you and tell me again there's little that separates humans from animals. :rolleyes:

Stop trying to justify slaggy behaviour. It's slaggy and done for quick emotional gratification because someone is feeling crappy. It's pathetically weak behaviour.


1) Oxytocin in no way shows that sex isn't 'meant' to be a throw away encounter. It's a hormone, it's people who want to generalise about this kind of stuff that decide it shows sex isn't supposed to be a throwaway thing. Also it wasn't anecdotal evidence...that would have meant I started telling you a story...

2) And have you ever had a one night stand? How you have sex depends on the people involved, some people ensure the other person gets off whether it's a one night stand or not and yes women do orgasm from one night stands, just like any other type of sex

3) Ok then *complex societies and social expectations. Many animals can analyse their actions.
(edited 9 years ago)

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