The Student Room Group

Flatmate says inappropriate things to me?

So it started when one night me and one of my flatmates were in the kitchen both still drunk after a night out, we were talking about one night stands and I told him that I've had 2 one night stands to which he replied 'wanna make it three?' I just assumed he was joking and laughed it off but since that incident he's said stuff like he wants to make me his whore and last night when I was drunk (he wasn't as drunk as me) I remember him saying 'we will have sex one day' and 'you'll give into me'. The thing is I really like him as a friend and I don't know what any if this means...is he just joking??

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Original post by Anonymous
So it started when one night me and one of my flatmates were in the kitchen both still drunk after a night out, we were talking about one night stands and I told him that I've had 2 one night stands to which he replied 'wanna make it three?' I just assumed he was joking and laughed it off but since that incident he's said stuff like he wants to make me his whore and last night when I was drunk (he wasn't as drunk as me) I remember him saying 'we will have sex one day' and 'you'll give into me'. The thing is I really like him as a friend and I don't know what any if this means...is he just joking??


Hard to tell unless you ask him, but if you are not happy with what he says then tell him what he is saying is inappropriate and that you don't like it.
Reply 2
He might rape you
Reply 3
Original post by twisted
He might rape you


Definitely not. He's had the chance to plenty of times e.g. the other night I was drunk and ended up sleeping in his bed, he was really sweet and looked after me in a purely platonic way
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Definitely not. He's had the chance to plenty of times e.g. the other night I was drunk and ended up sleeping in his bed, he was really sweet and looked after me in a purely platonic way


This is the storm before the clam (oyster)
Reply 5
Original post by twisted
This is the storm before the clam (oyster)


What?
Are you in halls or private rental? If halls then you can report it - perhaps your resident tutor or someone could send an email to everyone reminding them that sexual harassment is something that people should not have to experience in their own home
If it's annoying you, then just tell him he's making you feel awkward by saying those things and that you'd prefer that he stopped.

EDIT: Lol, everyone is overreacting in this thread as expected.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Serano
You like him as a friend after he says that to you? Women -facepalm-


Strong profile picture. I can certainly see why you're so bitter at women.

OP, have a firm word with him about it and don't let him brush it off as "joking."
Reply 9
Original post by Morrisseya
Strong profile picture. I can certainly see why you're so bitter at women.

OP, have a firm word with him about it and don't let him brush it off as "joking."


<3
Original post by Anonymous
So it started when one night me and one of my flatmates were in the kitchen both still drunk after a night out, we were talking about one night stands and I told him that I've had 2 one night stands to which he replied 'wanna make it three?' I just assumed he was joking and laughed it off but since that incident he's said stuff like he wants to make me his whore and last night when I was drunk (he wasn't as drunk as me) I remember him saying 'we will have sex one day' and 'you'll give into me'. The thing is I really like him as a friend and I don't know what any if this means...is he just joking??


Sounds way too far to just be innocent flirting. The first, sure, but after that... if its only when he's had a few drinks then tbh it's probably even more likely to be true.

Make a choice. It sounds like you've for want of a better term "friend zoned" him. If he was anyone but a close friend and room-mate, would you consider actually going with him?
Original post by RibenaRockstar
Are you in halls or private rental? If halls then you can report it - perhaps your resident tutor or someone could send an email to everyone reminding them that sexual harassment is something that people should not have to experience in their own home


Really?! Bit far don't you think? It's not like he's actually done anything to her. So far it just seems to be closet lust and a few drunken comments, neither of which really warrant bringing in outside intervention. It needs sorting, but not like that.

Besides, whats a general email going to do? And before you say make it a personal one that'll just make him feel like s***. How would you feel if the person you liked just went and told someone you were sexually harassing them after a few drinks and comments.
It means he would like to shag you given the chance.

I wouldn't personally count it as harassment or reportable, but if you don't like it have a sober word with him about it. :dontknow:
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
Definitely not. He's had the chance to plenty of times e.g. the other night I was drunk and ended up sleeping in his bed, he was really sweet and looked after me in a purely platonic way

There must be some trust and friendship if you are prepared to crash in his bed. I have some sympathy for him getting a tad confused. However what he is saying to you is rather crass. Why not have a frank talk and clear the air..
Original post by smeehan98
Really?! Bit far don't you think? It's not like he's actually done anything to her. So far it just seems to be closet lust and a few drunken comments, neither of which really warrant bringing in outside intervention. It needs sorting, but not like that.

Besides, whats a general email going to do? And before you say make it a personal one that'll just make him feel like s***. How would you feel if the person you liked just went and told someone you were sexually harassing them after a few drinks and comments.


Lol this, her comment was a complete overreaction.
Original post by Chief Wiggum
Lol this, her comment was a complete overreaction.


Could've quoted me.

It is sexual harrassment. The OP describes it not as a one-time thing but as ongoing.

'we will have sex one day' and 'you'll give into me'


That's sexual harassment. It would not be acceptable in a workplace and it is not acceptable in the home.
Original post by RibenaRockstar
Could've quoted me.

It is sexual harrassment. The OP describes it not as a one-time thing but as ongoing.



That's sexual harassment. It would not be acceptable in a workplace and it is not acceptable in the home.


But OP says that she likes him as a friend.

I personally think you have a very very strange outlook on things if you think the OP should report a friend of theirs for "sexual harrassment" on the basis of a few drunken comments, which weren't even that bad anyway.

Loads of things aren't acceptable in a professional workplace context but are considered OK/understandable between friends.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by RibenaRockstar
Could've quoted me.

It is sexual harrassment. The OP describes it not as a one-time thing but as ongoing.



That's sexual harassment. It would not be acceptable in a workplace and it is not acceptable in the home.


To me none of it is sexual harassment, we get on really well and he cares about me a lot as a friend. He has only said these things when he's drunk and has never tried to encourage me to do anything or touched me inappropriately so reporting him has never even entered my mind. My question was simply what does it all mean, does he like me more than a friend or does he literally just want to sleep with me?
Original post by RibenaRockstar
Are you in halls or private rental? If halls then you can report it - perhaps your resident tutor or someone could send an email to everyone reminding them that sexual harassment is something that people should not have to experience in their own home


Personally I don't feel that it is sexual harassment, it might appear that way when taken out of context but my flatmates and I are all very close and constantly joke about stuff like this anyway. It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable at all and I was just wondering what it meant from a guy's perspective.
Original post by RibenaRockstar
Are you in halls or private rental? If halls then you can report it - perhaps your resident tutor or someone could send an email to everyone reminding them that sexual harassment is something that people should not have to experience in their own home

ignore this.

OP, he's wants to sleep with you, and you haven't specifically told him bluntly that it won't happen, so he will keep flirting to try and get it to happen

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