Depressed Long-Distance Partner

My partner has been recently diagnosed with depression. In the last few months their messages (we can only communicate online) have gone from sad to worse. There's been no talk of anything self-destructive like suicide or self-harming (although both are entirely possible).

They're scheduled to visit me in the near future however in the last couple of days there's been plenty of red flags raised. They are constantly seeking reassurance that they can spend alone time with their friends in the area, despite me already making it explicitly clear that was fine. They have said they are freaking out about being with me, but declined to be specific or discuss it further - saying they were too upset to talk about it. They don't like to talk about their illness, or indeed anything, with me. It's like Christmas if I get a smiley on the end of one of their messages.

I've tried to do everything right in terms of the illness. When they were diagnosed, we spoke a little about it and I was referred to various articles telling me to be patient, supportive, not try to fix them etc etc - and I like to think I've ticked all of the boxes.

I'd really like some input from third-parties here. There's no one IRL who I want to talk about this with, and my partner is a total dead-end right now (which is the probably the hardest part).

Has anyone been in similar situations, or got any thoughts on how I can proceed? I'm really struggling at the moment.

This sounds very tough, it certainly will be having a negative impact on you so you are right to seek advice on it before it becomes damaging to your own happiness. I think it is really sweet that you have tried to be supportive and have done your research- this is exactly what someone with depression needs so it is sad to see your partner is pushing you away. Perhaps when you meet up it would be good to have a face-to-face talk and ask what it is your partner wants from you, can they cope with the relationship whilst depressed? Perhaps a break whilst they recover could be for the best before it becomes too hard for you? In the meantime I would see if you could get a session with a relationship counsellor as they will have heard everything before and can really offer great advice on coping with things like this. Also, make sure to look after yourself, negativity can breed negativity so keep yourself happy-exercise, meditate, see your friends and perhaps consider whether this partner is the right person for you. I hope this is some help

Thank you for your kind reply. Unfortunately, they broke it off with me about 4 hours after I posted this thread and asked that I stop communication with them. After confirming it was definitely what they wanted, I said I respected their decision, wished them all the best and goodbye.

In the circumstances that must have been awful, but I suppose they need to focus on rebuilding themselves before they can commit to another person.

You sound like you have your head screwed on and your heart in the right place.

Thank you for your kind reply. Unfortunately, they broke it off with me about 4 hours after I posted this thread and asked that I stop communication with them. After confirming it was definitely what they wanted, I said I respected their decision, wished them all the best and goodbye.