The Student Room Group

Arguement with Housemates. Am I being walked over..?

So this all comes down to music. I just kind of feel like they aren't respecting me but expect me to respect them.

Basically, I play my music during the day. From about 11am-10pm. Not constantly but if I'm in my room, hanging it, or doing work. I admit sometimes it gets a little loud. I'll inch it up a little bit, and keep doing it, thinking it's still an acceptable level when actually, it's kinda loud. So when they've texted me/messaged me in the past to turn it down, I have done.

At night they sit in the kitchen together, and drink. They play loud music on the TV/Ipods, and scream, laugh quite loudly, as you would do when drunk. It's loud enough that with earplugs in, I can still hear them. I've only told them to be quieter once, and that was because they'd been telling me to turn my music down during the day, and I felt spiteful. But in response, they opened the kitchen door, turned the TV up, and started singing extremely loudly. I then played my music super loud to annoy them, and that's kinda when the arguments started.

Now, they're asking me to listen to my music in earphones during the day because they're trying to work. To them this is fine. But when I say, well then you'll have to drink elsewhere at night, or be quiet because I'm trying to sleep, that's not okay, and they say I'm being a dick for suggesting they do that. They're also really drunk when I ask them to turn it down, so they ignore me, or get angry and start arguments with me about my music. I've tried drinking with them and I do occasionally, but they like to go out 3/4 times a week, whereas I rarely do go out.

My thoughts are, they can do work at the library if they really want to do work. If I want to listen to music through speakers, so be it. I try keep it down, but if it gets too loud they can tell me to turn it down, it's fine. But I obviously can't go elsewhere to sleep, and they're much more aggressive towards me when they've had a few drinks.

Any suggestions on how to handle the situation? I really doubt we'll reach a compromise because they refuse to accept any wrongdoings and think it's perfectly fine to disrupt my sleep...It's a pretty horrible living environment if I'm honest.. Thanks for any support/help

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Reply 1
Earplugs.
Original post by Swanbow
Earplugs.


...Elaborate?
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94
...Elaborate?


Stuff you put in your ears to reduce loud noises
Original post by 6Jesus6Christ6
Stuff you put in your ears to reduce loud noises


Funny, but not really the answer I'm looking for...thanks though!
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94
Funny, but not really the answer I'm looking for...thanks though!


Are you friendly with your housemates? Do you engage in social activities with them? e.g. going out drinking, cinema or whatever.
Original post by 6Jesus6Christ6
Are you friendly with your housemates? Do you engage in social activities with them? e.g. going out drinking, cinema or whatever.


No, we don't really share any common interests. It's literally like co-existing next to each other. The other 5 get on really well together because 3 of them are friends from home who came to uni together, and the other two are like best friends now (all girls). The guy across the hall from me I can talk to properly and have a conversation with but he's not one to step in and solve anything/take sides, so it's still like, me vs 5
You shouldn't have to be told to turn it down. You've said yourself it gets a little too loud but if they tell you to turn it down it I'm inferring you leave it too loud for quite a while. Keep a reasonable volume, it is not hard. Also, 11 hours of music can get annoying, especially if it's 11 hours of having to tell someone to turn their music down. Also, don't sink to their level and do "anything you can do I can do better". It'll only aggrieve you in the long run.

However, if they're drinking all the time and making a fuss to the point you can't sleep you should tell a warden. If it's a constant happening and it's detrimental to your sleep tell a warden but beware they may level the music complaint. You can't tell them where to study, they are paying for their accommodation just like you so can do in it what they wish.

Honestly just sit down with them during the day and come to a compromise first. If you ask em when they're drunk of course they'll ignore you. It'll be hard but just talk about it with them all.

Don't mean to attack you, just being blunt.
Reply 8
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94


My thoughts are, they can do work at the library if they really want to do work. If I want to listen to music through speakers, so be it. I try keep it down, but if it gets too loud they can tell me to turn it down, it's fine. But I obviously can't go elsewhere to sleep, and they're much more aggressive towards me when they've had a few drinks.



So your solution is they leave the house all day so you can blast out music as loud as you like, and then when they come home after your 11 hour music session, they then have to keep the noise down so you can sleep?

That seems reasonable to you does it?
Original post by josh_v
So your solution is they leave the house all day so you can blast out music as loud as you like, and then when they come home after your 11 hour music session, they then have to keep the noise down so you can sleep?

That seems reasonable to you does it?


That's not what I said. If they make a noise complaint I turn it down. But if they're upset because they're trying to study they could always go elsewhere (especially as one claims they can only work in absolute silence, which isn't my style, but I respect that by trying to be quieter) whereas me trying to sleep at night and asking them to turn it down and they don't seems unfair. There's the option to study elsewhere, not sleep elsewhere
To be honest they need to be way more considerate and so do you...

You have music from 11am-10pm? That's 11 hours on and off, and if YOU say it is loud then it is.

If it were me, I'd rather have the noisy night time people than have you and your music loud all day long.

There is no need for you lot to be having some sort of 'I can play my music louder than yours' argument, everyone just needs to settle down and behave like adults.

Edit: I love my music LOUD sometimes but I always put my headphones in..sometimes I have it at moderate level when I'm changing or something but that's only for about 5 minutes max per day.
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 11
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94
That's not what I said. If they make a noise complaint I turn it down. But if they're upset because they're trying to study they could always go elsewhere (especially as one claims they can only work in absolute silence, which isn't my style, but I respect that by trying to be quieter) whereas me trying to sleep at night and asking them to turn it down and they don't seems unfair. There's the option to study elsewhere, not sleep elsewhere


You repeatedly and constantly turn your music up too loud. You're having to be asked on a daily basis to turn lower the volume. You dont respect the fact that people may wish to study at home. You think people should leave the house to facilitate you playing loud music. And then you think they should do as you tell them and be quiet in the evening.

No wonder they dont want to socialise with you.

Perhaps start taking some responsibility for your actions. Realise that 11 hours of blasting out music on a daily basis is unacceptable. That you shouldn't have to be asked to turn it down on a regular basis and your flatmates have no incentive to not be so noisy when you have the attitude you do.
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94
No, we don't really share any common interests. It's literally like co-existing next to each other. The other 5 get on really well together because 3 of them are friends from home who came to uni together, and the other two are like best friends now (all girls). The guy across the hall from me I can talk to properly and have a conversation with but he's not one to step in and solve anything/take sides, so it's still like, me vs 5


I see. Well forgive my being frank but this is the internet and I don't owe you anything in terms of cuddling your feelings- but I will tell you what I believe to be the truth, take it or leave it.

Now, you all pay rent in this house and have your separate, private rooms, and shared rooms. If the vast majority (5-1 as you said) wants to do something, then it's going to be done, and that's the law of the jungle whether you like it or not. Just like you enjoy your music, your housemates enjoy getting drunk and being rowdy - people enjoy different things, and as you see, people also detest different things: you detest the inevitable student rowdiness at bedtime, and they detest your music during day (study/work) time.

As you said, you're not friends with the rest, so don't count on the goodwill of others. Also, I wouldn't look at the situation as "you vs them". It's only you for you, if what you do makes someone against you then so be it, you'll just have to deal with the consequences.

Personally, if I had a housemate who played music from 10am-11pm - and let's face it, everyone's music tastes are different, I would hate to listen to donk or pop music for 11 hours a day - I would be pretty pissed, and wouldn't hold much regard for the mental wellbeing of that person. 11 hours of loud music on what I suspect is a decent soundsystem, for me, would be unacceptable, I would probably be quite aggressive since it would be the only means of getting you to cease your annoyance.

That being said, your room is your room and you can do what you like - law of the jungle.

The real question is, how do you truly want this situation to be resolved?
Original post by josh_v
You repeatedly and constantly turn your music up too loud. You're having to be asked on a daily basis to turn lower the volume. You dont respect the fact that people may wish to study at home. You think people should leave the house to facilitate you playing loud music. And then you think they should do as you tell them and be quiet in the evening.

No wonder they dont want to socialise with you.

Perhaps start taking some responsibility for your actions. Realise that 11 hours of blasting out music on a daily basis is unacceptable. That you shouldn't have to be asked to turn it down on a regular basis and your flatmates have no incentive to not be so noisy when you have the attitude you do.


To me, it's not loud. It's not an issue, but for it to an issue for someone else who has a particular way of 'studying', they can easily solve it by studying somewhere else. I mis-spoke. I don't play music all the time. I'm saying I play it WITHIN those hours. Not constantly throughout them. I don't listen to music whilst at uni, while eating meals, while playing xbox etc. So it's not a constant problem. And it's maybe once everyone 2 weeks/10 days max that they ask me to turn it down, and I've specifically said to them in person, if it's too loud, tell me straight away.
Original post by 6Jesus6Christ6
I see. Well forgive my being frank but this is the internet and I don't owe you anything in terms of cuddling your feelings- but I will tell you what I believe to be the truth, take it or leave it.

Now, you all pay rent in this house and have your separate, private rooms, and shared rooms. If the vast majority (5-1 as you said) wants to do something, then it's going to be done, and that's the law of the jungle whether you like it or not. Just like you enjoy your music, your housemates enjoy getting drunk and being rowdy - people enjoy different things, and as you see, people also detest different things: you detest the inevitable student rowdiness at bedtime, and they detest your music during day (study/work) time.

As you said, you're not friends with the rest, so don't count on the goodwill of others. Also, I wouldn't look at the situation as "you vs them". It's only you for you, if what you do makes someone against you then so be it, you'll just have to deal with the consequences.

Personally, if I had a housemate who played music from 10am-11pm - and let's face it, everyone's music tastes are different, I would hate to listen to donk or pop music for 11 hours a day - I would be pretty pissed, and wouldn't hold much regard for the mental wellbeing of that person. 11 hours of loud music on what I suspect is a decent soundsystem, for me, would be unacceptable, I would probably be quite aggressive since it would be the only means of getting you to cease your annoyance.

That being said, your room is your room and you can do what you like - law of the jungle.

The real question is, how do you truly want this situation to be resolved?


I mis-spoke. I play music WITHIN those hours, not constantly between those hours. And the complaints on noise are once every 2 weeks/10 days tops.

You said 'people enjoy different things'. So why can I not enjoy listening to music on a decent soundsystem rather than tinny headphones? and have that restriction of sitting at my desk to listen to music. ANd why do all this if they refuse to compromise on their end?
Reply 15
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94

You said 'people enjoy different things'. So why can I not enjoy listening to music on a decent soundsystem rather than tinny headphones? and have that restriction of sitting at my desk to listen to music. ANd why do all this if they refuse to compromise on their end?


In that case, why can they not enjoy drinking and singing in to the early hours 4 times per week? And why should they keep it down if you aren't going to compromise?
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94
I mis-spoke. I play music WITHIN those hours, not constantly between those hours. And the complaints on noise are once every 2 weeks/10 days tops.

You said 'people enjoy different things'. So why can I not enjoy listening to music on a decent soundsystem rather than tinny headphones? and have that restriction of sitting at my desk to listen to music. ANd why do all this if they refuse to compromise on their end?


To your first paragraph, fair enough. I assume they tolerate your music, and when it gets intolerable, that's when they complain - which can be flipped to your position and their rowdiness.

To your second, I would like to add that your housemates don't get drunk and rowdy for the SOLE PURPOSE OF ANNOYING YOU. They do it to have fun. Just be positive and perhaps smile at the fact that other people are having a good time. Maybe that will help you get to sleep better. Also earplugs.

By the way, how is it you would truly like this situation to be resolved?
Original post by 6Jesus6Christ6
To your first paragraph, fair enough. I assume they tolerate your music, and when it gets intolerable, that's when they complain - which can be flipped to your position and their rowdiness.

To your second, I would like to add that your housemates don't get drunk and rowdy for the SOLE PURPOSE OF ANNOYING YOU. They do it to have fun. Just be positive and perhaps smile at the fact that other people are having a good time. Maybe that will help you get to sleep better. Also earplugs.

By the way, how is it you would truly like this situation to be resolved?


I don't play my music for the SOLE PURPOSE OF ANNOYING them?! It's the fact that they dont respect me to turn it down. they just ignore me. I would totally accept them keeping me up if they accept me playing music in the day. I said, I wear earplugs and I can still hear them screaming above that.

To be resolved? They respect me and keep it down if I ask, like I do, instead of ignoring me. My whole point is 'Am I being walked over' by being asked to basically not exist when they can do what the **** they want regardless of how it affects my life. If i dont sleep how do i study?
Reply 18
Original post by GeorgeBuxey94
So this all comes down to music. I just kind of feel like they aren't respecting me but expect me to respect them.

Basically, I play my music during the day. From about 11am-10pm. Not constantly but if I'm in my room, hanging it, or doing work. I admit sometimes it gets a little loud. I'll inch it up a little bit, and keep doing it, thinking it's still an acceptable level when actually, it's kinda loud. So when they've texted me/messaged me in the past to turn it down, I have done.

At night they sit in the kitchen together, and drink. They play loud music on the TV/Ipods, and scream, laugh quite loudly, as you would do when drunk. It's loud enough that with earplugs in, I can still hear them. I've only told them to be quieter once, and that was because they'd been telling me to turn my music down during the day, and I felt spiteful. But in response, they opened the kitchen door, turned the TV up, and started singing extremely loudly. I then played my music super loud to annoy them, and that's kinda when the arguments started.

Now, they're asking me to listen to my music in earphones during the day because they're trying to work. To them this is fine. But when I say, well then you'll have to drink elsewhere at night, or be quiet because I'm trying to sleep, that's not okay, and they say I'm being a dick for suggesting they do that. They're also really drunk when I ask them to turn it down, so they ignore me, or get angry and start arguments with me about my music. I've tried drinking with them and I do occasionally, but they like to go out 3/4 times a week, whereas I rarely do go out.

My thoughts are, they can do work at the library if they really want to do work. If I want to listen to music through speakers, so be it. I try keep it down, but if it gets too loud they can tell me to turn it down, it's fine. But I obviously can't go elsewhere to sleep, and they're much more aggressive towards me when they've had a few drinks.

Any suggestions on how to handle the situation? I really doubt we'll reach a compromise because they refuse to accept any wrongdoings and think it's perfectly fine to disrupt my sleep...It's a pretty horrible living environment if I'm honest.. Thanks for any support/help


they go out drinking 3 -4 times a week? wow...
Reply 19
Original post by somemightsay888

Honestly just sit down with them during the day and come to a compromise first. If you ask em when they're drunk of course they'll ignore you. It'll be hard but just talk about it with them all.


I didn't read anything past this because there is no point.

If you try discuss anything like this with drunk people it is a massive error. Just sit them down during the day when you are all on the same level and sort it out.

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