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Should I even bother trying with this girl?

First up, sos this is so long, but I want to get this outta my system and give anyone who cares as much info as I can before the bad comments are slung.

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Right, so I just started 6th Form and there's a bunch of new guys, and more importantly girls, in my school One of these new girls catches the same bus as I do, and pretty quickly she (who has a pretty long-standing boyfriend), myself and my mate have all become pretty good friends. Since my number of really good female friends has never exceeded more than 1 or 2 at a time, it's little surprise that soon after this I worked out I was attracted to her. Like, quite a lot.

Only problem is, of course, that she's already taken. Furthermore I think I've known her too long as a friend for her to even consider me as anything else, even if she decided to break up with him. But annoyingly that hasn't stopped me from, for want of a better word, starting to obsess over her.

The mixed signals sure as hell aren't helping either:

Some days she's talking about her boyfriend and seemingly is dissatisfied, BUT others the opposites true.

Fairly regularly she flirts with me (not my mate, but not sure if that's due to lack of interest or knowing he's taken). BUT as or more often than not she sounds more mocking or teasing than genuinely flirting. She also frequently refers to me as "buddy", which obviously is friend over anything else.

Then she invited me to a party, and later in the evening we snuck away for a few moments and made out. BUT she was pretty drunk and so far as i can tell doesn't remember it - neither of us have brought it up.

Finally she's made a slight habit of gently poking me, usually in the arm but every so often going for the...nipple? It's actually become a running joke between us by this point. Poking back on the arms has not been seen as overstepping any bounds, though for obvious reasons nipple pokes are currently off limits.

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So yeah. I'm pretty damn sure she's either consciously or subconsciously just being a tease. Though I haven't said anything outright, I wouldn't be surprised if she's worked out I at least have a crush on her.

Question is, what the hell do I do about it?

My heads telling me "Drop it and avoid her as best you can!", because the chances of getting her are microscopic. I've moved to slow to be considered sexually or as a potential relationship, especially seeing as she's seemingly happy enough with who she's got. I'm already chasing too much and trying harder will just make the obsession part worse.

BUT I can't just catch another bus, since it's too much effort and will detract from my already crappy social life. More to the point, the rest of my body doesn't wan to give up even knowing it's almost certainly a lost cause.

Any ideas? Either to win her over or more likely accept my place as "just a friend"?

And please, no s*** slinging for liking another guys girlfriend. That doesn't help my situation at all.

Reply 1

So Instinct

Most people on here are about to reply telling you that trying it with a girl that is taken is immoral but let's face it- it's a dog eat dog world and most guys wouldn't hesitate or think twice about you were they given a chance to **** your hypothetical girl.
She is not his property and providing you don't go about this in a sleazy home-wrecking manner you do nothing but provide the girl with another option of which she is free to choose from. She has the agency to decide to leave her boyfriend, you weren't the root cause of it you were simply there, anything else is infantilisation- implying she's weak willed enough to jump at any offer.

As for whether or not she likes you well.. To be honest most of that seems strong friend type behavior, however it is possible that the teasing and the drunk make-out are some indication of a possible underlying feeling.

Usually I'd tell people to be upfront about it and I myself would probably be upfront in this situation myself but she's obviously a close friend of yours and you do risk damaging and/or causing some awkwardness within your friendship. It may be worth simply trying to escalate any flirtation that happens, flirt with her when she's not drunk too and gauge any reaction you get. Base your next moves on how positive she reacts to said flirtation, if she is against it then respect her wishes and don't push your limits. Also something that is important is to not make this into a big deal, that's a sure fire why to cause friction and awkwardness.

If this girl is a source of happiness for you and makes your world a brighter place I would go ahead and risk it. Life's to short to be the nice guy who doesn't get what he wants, I'd hate to look back at myself years later ruing the fact I didn't even try.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the advice!

Upfront is probably a bad idea - there aren't many times we see eachother alone and both of us would probably suffer for it in someway. Plus I dont have the guts to gamble everything on those odds.
Upping the flirting... sounds a lot better tbh. I have no idea how the hell I'll do it - not a natural born flirt here - but it's the only good advice that seems to keep cropping up besides leaving it alone. Just worried I'll either go too far or not far enough for any reaction.

Thanks for being understanding. I'm actually pretty amazed no one's yelled at me yet - I can only assume the rage I've caused has left them speechless.