The Student Room Group

He didn't tell me he had a girlfriend?!

Long story short;
So I work at a hotel and we recently had these builders come and stay with us for two weeks as they were working locally. (they were staying because they live 4 hours away...)
They became regulars for dinner every night and I got talking to one of them, we got on so well he left his number for me the day before they left and I decided to text it a couple of days later..
Two weeks later I'm still texting and talking to him 24/7 and we have so much in common it's unbelievable, it would all be perfect but obviously he lives hours away from me.
So we decided that we would meet up again (half way) in the near future to see where it goes, I know it sounds strange to meet with someone so quickly but I've never felt so right for someone before.

Recently we added eachother on snapchat which is the only social media thing I have him on and I noticed a girl was his snapchat bestfriend so; naturally I decided to facebook her as her username had her surname in it whereas his didn't and I was unsure of his last name and wanted to add him and was planning on finding him through mutual friends).
Basically when I found her on facebook I found him straight away because I discovered that they are actually in a 5 year relationship and also that he previously cheated on her even though they are back together. (Her facebook was extremely imprivate with very detailed annoying statuses). One of her pictures of them posted two weeks ago was captioned 'hate it when my baby works away' which coincidentally was when he stayed at the hotel.

Since noticing this I have realised little hints in our past conversations to keep it 'our little secret' and how if we met up again he 'wouldn't like the work lads to know because he likes to keep himself to himself' and how he's a really 'private person'. Now i'm just a bit thrown off as what to do about this; should I confront him? I really like him and now i'm just gutted he hasn't mentioned her before because I wouldn't have text him.

At the moment my only strategy is to keep asking sly questions and making jokes about it being a secret to see if anything comes out but tbh I really don't want it to end, ah what should I do? :confused:
ah well i guess at this moment he probably just sees you as a friend?
(edited 9 years ago)
Reply 2
Simply, it's likely if you were with him he'd cheat on you because if he's done it to his current girlfriend before he met you, then it'd be a fair punt to say he'd do it again.

Run.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Stop talking to him, keep away, I've had friends in this situation countless times and trust me, it doesn't get any better! There is no excuse for talking to guy or girl in a relationship. If you just like the attention then no need to get inbetween other peoples relationships, there are plenty of other unattatched people out there for that. Or if you unfortunately really do like the person just get out as soon as possible and don't kid yourself. If they'd be willing to cheat on their long term partner then they'd be more than willing to cheat on you. Some men are complete tools but there's always someone much better out there so don't waste your time with him
he doesnt want anything serious with you OP :s-smilie: you should leave him. you can do so much better
Reply 5
Original post by Safiya122
ah well i guess at this moment he probably just sees you as a friend?


The things we text about are definitely not the kind of things you text your friends! so idk
He cheated on her...but you're still wanting to talk to him?

Very interesting indeed.

Do you not feel bad that you are technically now yet another person he is cheating on this woman with?

Come on OP sort it out!

All I'm saying, if this gets ugly don't say we didn't warn you, because this has major warning signs and red flags everywhere.
Reply 7
Original post by MaseratiJay
He cheated on her...but you're still wanting to talk to him?

Very interesting indeed.

Do you not feel bad that you are technically now yet another person he is cheating on this woman with?

Come on OP sort it out!

All I'm saying, if this gets ugly don't say we didn't warn you, because this has major warning signs and red flags everywhere.


I know, yes I do feel bad but I only realised all this about 10 minutes ago, what do I say? All we've done so far is talked but i'm pretty sure he would cheat on her with me, why can't people just be honest and loyal, up until now i've really liked him :frown:
A builder who's actively disloyal.

That's literally the bottom of the pit, pardon the pun.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Just confront him and say you know he has a gf. He's obviously only added you on Snapchat and not other sites for a reason; and that's because he's hiding something. Tell him you know and see how it progresses. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him though.
It seems like this lad deliberately made a romantic kind of contact with you while already being in a monogamous relationship. It seems like he would like to have an affair with you, but this we can't be sure of. I think you should talk to him, getting the truth out there. What does he want? Does he have a girlfriend and why hasn't he told you about it? That would reveal what kind of person he is and that would make you have to take a stance if the person he's revealed to be is someone you still like. There on you make a decision on how to handle the situation. I understand you like him very much, but be careful and think through your actions properly berfore acting them out.
He's a waste of time. Honestly, who wants to be some cheating scumbags bit on the side? Nobody. Nobody deserves that either, but don't expect any remorse because he's probably got none to offer.

You have 2 realistic choices in my view: 1) just cut off contact and leave it at that. 2) message the girlfriend to tell her what her boyfriend is like and then cut off contact. As a woman I'd go for option 2 because I would rather know than not, and you may well be doing her a favour in the long run. Though I can appreciate not wanting to go down that path given he knows where you work etc. Either way, get shot of him totally, he's clearly not a decent person.
Original post by Anonymous
I know, yes I do feel bad but I only realised all this about 10 minutes ago, what do I say? All we've done so far is talked but i'm pretty sure he would cheat on her with me, why can't people just be honest and loyal, up until now i've really liked him :frown:


Don't be sad!
Next time (and this is not even meant in a harsh way but it may come across like that over the internet) don't get so excited over someone so soon. It is easy to do, everyone has done it at some point. But this is how you will feel if it goes badly.

I think you said he is talking in a way friends don't? Honestly, I suggest saying to him something alone the lines of 'look, you are in a relationship and I do not engage in such behaviour...I do not wish to communicate with you any longer, take care' then stop talking to him..like forever, not just for a week or two.

Either that or literally just stop talking to him, but you may find closure by writing to him first.

The man is messing about, don't let him take you for a fool!

The short answer to that? There is something fundamentally wrong with people these days that is why :tongue:. Not every man/woman is like that, but it seems to be an overwhelming amount these days who enjoy messing about and see no wrong in it.
So basically, you're a side ho :ff::sneakydevil::worm2:
Original post by Roronoa Zoro
So basically, you're a side ho :ff::sneakydevil::worm2:


Oh my what a helpful input :rolleyes:
(but yeah if you wanna look at it like that..:s-smilie:)
Original post by MaseratiJay
Don't be sad!
Next time (and this is not even meant in a harsh way but it may come across like that over the internet) don't get so excited over someone so soon. It is easy to do, everyone has done it at some point. But this is how you will feel if it goes badly.

I think you said he is talking in a way friends don't? Honestly, I suggest saying to him something alone the lines of 'look, you are in a relationship and I do not engage in such behaviour...I do not wish to communicate with you any longer, take care' then stop talking to him..like forever, not just for a week or two.

Either that or literally just stop talking to him, but you may find closure by writing to him first.

The man is messing about, don't let him take you for a fool!

The short answer to that? There is something fundamentally wrong with people these days that is why :tongue:. Not every man/woman is like that, but it seems to be an overwhelming amount these days who enjoy messing about and see no wrong in it.


Thank you, I know I need to confront him I just hate conflict:frown:
I think it's just my luck, every time I think I've met a decent guy it goes wrong:rolleyes:
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, I know I need to confront him I just hate conflict:frown:
I think it's just my luck, every time I think I've met a decent guy it goes wrong:rolleyes:



Not a problem!

You don't even necessarily have to talk to him, if you don't want to.

But if you do just approach it in a calm way so you don't stress yourself out, approach it in whatever way is best for you :smile:

I'm going to have to disagree with you on that last sentence ...some aspects of his personality may have been decent but overall he is not a decent person. Don't despair! :smile:
Original post by jenkinsear
He's a waste of time. Honestly, who wants to be some cheating scumbags bit on the side? Nobody. Nobody deserves that either, but don't expect any remorse because he's probably got none to offer.

You have 2 realistic choices in my view: 1) just cut off contact and leave it at that. 2) message the girlfriend to tell her what her boyfriend is like and then cut off contact. As a woman I'd go for option 2 because I would rather know than not, and you may well be doing her a favour in the long run. Though I can appreciate not wanting to go down that path given he knows where you work etc. Either way, get shot of him totally, he's clearly not a decent person.


Hmm. Can see where you're coming from with option 2. But part of me things that she may think (and he'd argue) that you were **** stirring.
Original post by OU Student
Hmm. Can see where you're coming from with option 2. But part of me things that she may think (and he'd argue) that you were **** stirring.

I agree, I know that realistically I should tell the girl on the other side but I don't know if I can bring it upon myself to ruin their 5 year relationship and if she'd believe me..! I think I will avoid this because I think things could get messy, I'm just going to back out slowly...
End it now, perhaps by saying you don't want an LDR.