I have no friends at uni and my flat 'mates' hate me but I love my course I don't kno

I love my course and Iike the actual uni but I have no friends. Theres people on my course that I sit with and talk to and things but that's it I don't see them out of lectures and I suggest doing things and they're always busy. But worse of all I'm fed up with my flat 'mates' they're all messy and disrespectful. They bang on my door when they come in from a night out and wake me up.. And all the other times they ignore me, they don't even say hi if they or me have been away or if I say hi, unless they want something :frown:

I don't know what to do I like the uni but hate my flat, and I have no friends and people are looking at houses to rent and no one wants to live with me in my second year :frown:

what should I do??

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(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 1

Truflais

20

Original post by Mollyrose96

I love my course and Iike the actual uni but I have no friends. Theres people on my course that I sit with and talk to and things but that's it I don't see them out of lectures and I suggest doing things and they're always busy. But worse of all I'm fed up with my flat 'mates' they're all messy and disrespectful. They bang on my door when they come in from a night out and wake me up.. And all the other times they ignore me, they don't even say hi if they or me have been away or if I say hi, unless they want something :frown:

I don't know what to do I like the uni but hate my flat, and I have no friends and people are looking at houses to rent and no one wants to live with me in my second year :frown:

what should I do??

Posted from TSR Mobile

It sounds like a crap situation to be in but don't leave your course just because of a few bellends. Why don't you ask the people on your course if they know who they're living with etc next year? And if they've already sorted out living arrangements then you can look into house shares online? Downside is it'd be with people you don't know, possibly not even students, but you can at least meet the people you'd be sharing with before commiting to anything etc, unlike with halls where you've just been chucked in with a few randomers.

Reply 2

Mollyrose96

OP

2

I've asked them they're getting a house with they're current flat mates or carrying on living at home.. Thanks I'll think about looking at houses with randomers :')

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Reply 3

hotliketea

20

Original post by Sex God

x

how are you a respected member with that kind of advice

it's not about being unable to adapt , it's about living with *******s who don't respect you as an individual. no one should have to put up with that kind of behaviour.

OP , you just need to find a better way to interact with people. maybe try volunteering at some uni events , or join a society that you enjoy to try and meet like-minded people. you definitely shouldn't drop out of a course you love just because of the people who surround you - it's possible your ideal group of friends are just a few months in your future and you'll meet them soon and be happy again :smile:

you just have to make the effort and be brave

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 4

Sex God

Original post by hotliketea

how are you a respected member with that kind of advice

Why're you getting involved though?

Reply 5

charly747

Don't give up, you're still in the first year of uni and there are many opportunities e.g. through societies to meet people and make friends. Plus, since uni has only started a few months ago, not everyone will have settled in yet and there's still time to meet others. On the flatmates side of things, I know what you mean I don't get along with all my flatmates and half of my flatmates just ignore my presence whenever I'm in. They also leave a great mess and unwashed dishes piling up in the sink for weeks until usually someone gets fed up and washes it. But don't worry about it too much cause chances are not everyone becomes friends with their flatmates. Maybe try hanging out more with your course mates, and see where it goes from there. Housing is still ages away and most people rush into renting together which doesn't always work out. There's still time, but if no asks maybe try asking them instead because maybe they're waiting for someone to ask them too. Best of luck, I hope things get better.
Charly xx

Reply 6

hotliketea

20

Original post by Sex God

Why're you getting involved though?

god gave me the power to strike you down for blasphemously proclaiming yourself 'sex god' - didn't anyone tell you size DOES matter? :rolleyes:

Reply 7

Mollyrose96

OP

2

Original post by charly747

Don't give up, you're still in the first year of uni and there are many opportunities e.g. through societies to meet people and make friends. Plus, since uni has only started a few months ago, not everyone will have settled in yet and there's still time to meet others. On the flatmates side of things, I know what you mean I don't get along with all my flatmates and half of my flatmates just ignore my presence whenever I'm in. They also leave a great mess and unwashed dishes piling up in the sink for weeks until usually someone gets fed up and washes it. But don't worry about it too much cause chances are not everyone becomes friends with their flatmates. Maybe try hanging out more with your course mates, and see where it goes from there. Housing is still ages away and most people rush into renting together which doesn't always work out. There's still time, but if no asks maybe try asking them instead because maybe they're waiting for someone to ask them too. Best of luck, I hope things get better.
Charly xx

Thank you charly :smile:

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Reply 8

automobile

10

are you sure they are as unfriendly as you think they are? it is alot of work to make new friends and everyone at uni is in the same boat as you, you just have to put alot of effort into it, with your friends from lectures it sounds like your trying, i'd just try and get along with the people your living with try and start move convos and join in a bit more, if you really don't want to gain friendships with these people its not the end of the world you will meet others in the future! just put yourself out there a bit more x

Reply 9

mcgreevy1993

15

Original post by Mollyrose96

I love my course and Iike the actual uni but I have no friends. Theres people on my course that I sit with and talk to and things but that's it I don't see them out of lectures and I suggest doing things and they're always busy. But worse of all I'm fed up with my flat 'mates' they're all messy and disrespectful. They bang on my door when they come in from a night out and wake me up.. And all the other times they ignore me, they don't even say hi if they or me have been away or if I say hi, unless they want something :frown:

I don't know what to do I like the uni but hate my flat, and I have no friends and people are looking at houses to rent and no one wants to live with me in my second year :frown:

what should I do??

Posted from TSR Mobile

It may sound like a horrible situation, but if you're living with first years then its really what to expect.
I live with a few first years now, and they love to bang on my door EVERY NIGHT. And I'm a third year! i wear earplugs now :biggrin:

Not everyone gets on with their house mates, theres this misconception you'll all be a big family and have film nights blah blah blah. It doesn't happen for everyone.
Not only this, but it is the end of first term. Social situations change dramatically at University. You still have time to click with them.

Housing situations also - why is everyone looking for houses this quickly?
You're in your first term. You still have plenty of time to make friends. If you haven't got a house by April/May then I'd be worrying. People who get houses this early don't even know the people properly they are living with. Please don't worry. :smile:

People in your course are going to busy if they're just settling in themselves. They are probably finding their own feet. I found I didn't bound as much with coursemates until deadlines occured and the year went on, when suddenly I found I was spending more time with these people over a regular basis. It only seems bad now because you don't get on with your house mates and don't have the time to occupy yourself.

I wouldn't give up on your house mates. Sometimes, the idea of them hating you can cause further tension. Try to intergrate yourself more. If they knock on the door and ask for something - talk to them. If they only want yours things and don't want to talk. they're probably dicks.

Also trying studying ect in the living room or eat in there. Make an effort to stick around more so they have to notice your presence.
It seems a strange suggestion but some tensions in houses are really because both parties have given the wrong impression..

Apart from that - buy earplugs. :smile:

Reply 10

Wimbs

9

Do you go out with your housemates at all? Maybe their knocking is them drunkenly thinking they are involving you! And why aren't you out with them? Not your kind of people?

If you are who your picture shows you are an attractive young lady!

What perhaps you need to ask yourself is whether a) you dislike clubbing and 'going out' and would rather have friends for cosy nights in (not all first years go out clubbing - in fact not all first years even like clubbing/drinking - you will find some people that don't!) or b) whether you really want to be involved in the clubbing/drinking but not with *those* flatmates.

I feel for you because I was socially withdrawn (its complex and I wont go into it here) and when not back at home, pretty much locked myself in my room apart from early doors (hung around with a few friends) and late in 1st year (made a good friend on the course and went out with him once or twice) - Im 34 and I so ****ing wish i could go back in time and make a better job of my uni experience socially!

I would be tempted to try and get a transfer to another hall/flat if you really don;t like your current flatmates. But ask the accommodation people if you can speak to your potential new flatmates before you move in and don;t feel obliged to accept the first one offered.

You're such a nice looking girl :smile:

you deserve to have fun and friends!

Reply 11

sweetestsophie

The two words to describe perfectly a lot of first year uni students would be: immature and inconsiderate. As uni goes on people will generally grow out of this behaviour but a lot of 18/19 year olds who are revelling in the excitement of being able to drink and go out partying etc as well as being young will be more akin to behaving like children instead of the adults they technically are. It can be frustrating for those students who are already mature: I was 19 when I first came to uni and I lived with first years who had mostly only just turned 18 and they were the most annoying people ever: shouting across to each others doors, laughing/screaming/crying extremely loudly (in particular one girl who was a spoilt rich brat who used to have ridiculous tantrums over the phone with her parents as if she was 5 years old if they didn't give her more money) racing desk chairs down the corridor all the time, going out and having massive flat parties almost every night throughout the entire year etc. i'm not sure how they even made it in to uni! I had to resort to getting noise cancelling headphones. That was a horrible experience :frown:

Luckily i met some good friends on my course who I am still living with now. If you're in first year there will be loads of people looking for houses right now, and you can choose what type of housemates you want instead of just being thrown together with random people again. I would advise you not to live in halls again because it is not certain but it is very likely you will end up living with another bunch of noisy first years so i don't think you would want to take that risk?

Reply 12

Adnan Ahmed

1

everytime I fell, as like I am rich..of alas!i am poor when I think about my future I really fell very very sad..

Reply 13

monkyvirus

13

Your uni should have accomodation service who can direct you to flat-sharing services that undergrads at your uni typically use or even match you with people looking to move next year. Lots of people end up sharing with strangers and it usually works out okay (just make sure that you aren't solely on the hook for the bills and things like that). I think you just need to move.

I found it hard to make friends at uni as well. You could try joining societies or hanging out in communal areas of your university building. It will involve a lot of you putting yourself out there and experiencing push back but if you persevere (with different people, don't keep approaching the same people) I'm sure it will work out.